27F dating 33M for 3 years. Boyfriend is emotionally unavailable?
I left a 9-year abusive relationship before meeting my boyfriend. I have a young daughter, and one of the reasons I’ve stayed is because he truly treats her like his own, which means a lot to me.
The problem is that for the past three years, he’s been emotionally, physically, and sexually unavailable. We live together, but I feel completely alone.
I work full-time, go to college full-time, and take care of my daughter. Lately I’ve struggled to keep up with housework because I’m exhausted. My boyfriend expects me to do the cooking and cleaning because, in his words, “you’re the woman.” I used to enjoy doing those things for him, but over time they became expectations instead of acts of love. If dinner isn’t made or the house isn’t clean because I’ve had a long day, he gets upset.
I’ve asked him to go to counseling or even church with me, but he refuses. He says, “This is just how I am,” and that he isn’t going to change. He rarely communicates with me unless it’s about chores, cooking, or the weather.
He has also told me he doesn’t know if he ever wants to get married again or have more children because of what happened in his previous marriage. He told me I have to “earn” those things from him, but I feel like I’ve spent three years trying.
I’m mentally and physically drained. I don’t feel loved, appreciated, or emotionally connected anymore. I don’t have family to lean on, and because the house is his, my daughter and I would have to leave if the relationship ended.
Am I expecting too much from this relationship, or is he showing me that this is all he’s willing to give? How do you know when it’s time to accept that someone isn’t going to change? I keep trying