u/Secure_Depth_4244

I have a genuine question about bpd split.
Do partners with bpd, when they split on their partner due to exhaustion of fights or in general during split.
Do they feel the urge to go to new relationships?

And if yes and if they went into a new relationship,

How do they feel about their splitted partner and once they unsplit how might they feel?

These questions are not to judge anyone
I highly respect every one with or without BPD

This is purely for awareness and healing purpose
🙏

Thank you for your time on this

Hi everyone,
I’m struggling to heal after a painful period in my relationship, and I would really appreciate advice from people who have experienced similar situations.
My partner has BPD, and we were together for about two years. A few months ago, I discovered that he had cheated on me with another woman. We separated for a while, but whenever he tried to reconnect, I would feel overwhelmed by anger and hurt. I often brought up what had happened, said hurtful things, and struggled to trust his explanations. Our interactions would end in arguments, and he would block me. After a couple of weeks, he would sometimes return and apologize, but the same cycle would repeat.
Eventually, we got back together and agreed to try to rebuild our relationship. We understood that healing would take time and promised to communicate better rather than give up whenever things became difficult.
During the first few weeks, I was still very reactive. We were also in a long-distance relationship, so we planned a visit and spent some time together. There were genuinely happy moments, but there were also painful days when my thoughts about the betrayal became overwhelming.
One of the hardest things for me is that I keep replaying the messages and pictures I discovered. I remember the compliments and caring words he exchanged with the other woman, and I struggle to understand how he could risk our two-year relationship for something that lasted around six weeks.
He told me that he had been emotionally overwhelmed, that he had used the other connection to seek comfort and validation, and that he regretted his actions. He said he wanted to take responsibility and repair our relationship. However, I still struggle with the fact that he continued defending his intentions toward her while telling me that I was the person he wanted a future with.
A question keeps coming back to me: if that woman had been willing to pursue a relationship with him, would he still have chosen to come back to me? I know I cannot know the answer, but the uncertainty hurts deeply and makes it difficult for me to rebuild trust.
For the two months after we reconciled, I tried to move forward. Sometimes I felt happy and hopeful, but every couple of days, the memories would resurface, and I would become angry or distressed. I would send negative messages, bring up the betrayal, and sometimes say hurtful things. Afterwards, I would feel guilty and regret how I had reacted.
Eventually, he told me that he felt emotionally exhausted, was struggling with the demands of his medical internship, and could no longer handle our frequent arguments. He said he did not want to continue the relationship and blocked me.
I can acknowledge that my reactions hurt him and that he has the right to step away from a relationship he finds overwhelming. At the same time, I am struggling with the feeling that I was expected to heal from the betrayal much faster than I actually could. I wanted to rebuild the relationship, but I had not yet found a healthy way to process the pain.
Now I feel several conflicting emotions at once. I miss him, still love him, feel angry about what happened, and sometimes feel guilty for the things I said. I also struggle with wishing that he could understand how deeply his actions affected me. When I am overwhelmed, I sometimes wish that he could experience the same pain he caused me, although I know that holding on to those thoughts does not help me heal.
I have been trying to distract myself and focus on healthier habits, but sometimes the memories return, and it feels as though I am back at the beginning. I feel ashamed that I am finding it so difficult to let go, even though I know the relationship was causing me a lot of pain.
I would really appreciate advice on a few things:
How can I process betrayal and rebuild my sense of self-worth when painful memories keep coming back?
How can I manage intense anger and emotional reactions without sending hurtful messages or getting caught in the same cycle?
How do I accept that I may never get the answers or reassurance I want from my former partner?
For those who have experienced similar relationship dynamics, what helped you move forward while still feeling attached to someone?
How can I take responsibility for my own reactions without blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the relationship?
I am not trying to generalize about people with BPD or blame a diagnosis for everything that happened. I understand that every person and relationship is different. I want to learn how to handle my emotions more constructively, heal from the betrayal, and avoid repeating these patterns in the future.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would be grateful for any advice or experiences you feel comfortable sharing. 🙏✨

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