u/SenilePomegranate

I'm in a bit of a sticky situation and the conflict is stressing me out a lot. Me and my roommate were friends before moving in together. She couldn't afford a place on her own and me and my boyfriend were desperate for a place closer to work. We currently all share a house. Me and my boyfriend pay 2/3 of the rent for the upper floor. We have a bit more space. We all share the kitchen on our floor, and laundry is in the basement, where my roommate has her floor. It's not two separate units. It's one house that we're all on the lease for. As far as I'm aware, that makes it a shared accommodation.

Before moving in together, we talked about use of the laundry. Our roommate OK'd us using the laundry at will. Otherwise, her rent would have been higher. However, it has become a source of conflict. She has said that she did not realize how invasive it was going to feel for us to come downstairs into her space to use the laundry. How the floor plan works is right outside the kitchen there are stairs, at the bottom of the stairs is the door to the laundry room. On one side is the living room, the other side of the stairs landing is the laundry room. If we do laundry, we go straight into the laundry room.

She asked us to let her know in advance if we're going to use the laundry and she'll say if we're ok to come downstairs. I said no problem, we can do that, and I apologized for not thinking of that sooner. Thing is, I feel really uncomfortable doing laundry now. She seems really annoyed whenever I ask her to come downstairs to do laundry, but I feel as if we agreed beforehand. I only do laundry MAX 2-3 times a week, and I only go immediately into the laundry room after getting permission. I feel as if I'm not getting my money's worth of the agreed-upon amenities.

Here's the meat of the conflict though.

We have a dog and were going away for a few days. We asked my roommate if we could pay her to feed and walk the dog for several days. She said ok, then a week before asked if we could find somebody else because she made plans. No problem, my sister said she could stay over. I cleared it with my roommate, which I feel was a courtesy.

She said it was ok as long as my sister didn't go into her space, and I agreed. I told my sister not to go downstairs. However, when we're gone I get a text from my roommate saying my sister did laundry. She said it was an "egregious breach of trust." I apologized and said I told my sister not to go downstairs, and that I've talked to my sister about it. But she kept texting me about how she doesn't know now if my sister went through her stuff. I said she would never have done that, and that she only did her laundry and she wasn't thinking, and I apologized again.

She texted me back again, and now we're just straight up arguing. I don't really know what she wants from me here, and I got frustrated and dug my heels in.

I feel as if I should be allowed to have guests and have them do laundry just once. I literally never have guests over, but she's had friends over frequently and they've been in the kitchen and I've never complained. They've even gone through our living room and private room to get to the patio!

I know the issue here is that I said my sister wasn't going to go into her space, and I TOLD my sister not to, and I apologized. This has literally never happened before. I don't know what else to do other than apologize.

But am I wrong and invasive for thinking that the laundry we agreed to share beforehand, and that we pay for, isn't just her space? I know it requires going downstairs, but the kitchen is upstairs and looks into our living room, and she's in the kitchen more often than we're going to the laundry room.

I'm just stressed and the whole situation is spiraling, and I really don't want to be the pushy invasive roommate. This is her first time renting and I've rented with roommates in shared accommodations before, so I'm wondering if maybe we just have different expectations of shared amenities.

Me and my boyfriend have offered to sit down and go over rent price. If she wants solo use of the laundry she can have it, but the rent will change to reflect that. Now I'm wondering if that's me escalating, but I don't know what to do, and I'm worried I'm in the wrong here.

Could anyone give me any advice? Perspective? Am I being inconsiderate? Sorry it is so long.

I work in a job industry that essentially requires everyone to be working in close proximity. The owner of the company works directly with us 3-4 days a week. So essentially, he's always around. He is actively insulting, scolds all of us in front of patients, and gets angry if we show up several minutes before our scheduled time (expects us to clock in at least 15 min before our scheduled time. When we collectively asked to simply be scheduled at the time he wants us to clock in, he threw a fit). He will actively ignore us if he's in a bad mood, even if we need him to sign off on something important. As in, one of us will say something like, "I need you to advise on this/sign off on this," and he will straight up not respond in any shape, way, or form. If you ask again, you get yelled at that he "heard you." Unfortunately, he has some duties that the rest of the staff legally cannot fulfill, so it puts you in a bad spot where you cannot do your job if he ignores you. Half the time he's doing online shopping while ignoring you. He pays like crap.

Occasionally he is downright insulting. He told me once that my boyfriend must be sick of me, and then said he was just joking when I got visibly annoyed. He is also sexist and says things like "men actually have to pick jobs that make money, they're not like women." Mind you, his staff are all women. That he hired. He'll also make comments like "there's too much estrogen here."

Unfortunately, I can't quit right now. I'm actively looking for a new job, but the job market is really bad where I live and many jobs are far out.

I need some tips on how not to go crazy. I've stuck it out for a year, since I did not want to be job hopping, and the economy is terrible. I just can't anymore, but I NEED some strategies to not let him get to me.