u/Senor_Libros

I've been a youth pastor for 6 years and Im at a new church for about 8 months. I feel trapped and scared. I seriously don't know what to do.

I know that I've posted here before when I was having some concerns about my current vocation. I posted about 2 months in that something did not feel right. I felt more constricted than I hoped, I felt like I wasn't given the freedom to lead, and I felt like the dynamics communicated in the job description were not upheld. 6 months later, I'm writing this shaking in nervous fear because I have a meeting very soon and I've been critiqued every day this week. From big and personal things like how I'm not relational enough or how I don't present myself well to minor things like a choice in event title or grammar in an email. I have stretched myself here and I've found value in that stretching. I've tried all the methods my senior pastor recommends for meeting with families, running youth, communication, and even lifestyle. I am currently operating in those methods. While not natural to me, I see some of them work and some of them not work. If I deviate from His methods, even in successful ways, I am criticized for the deviation. I don't feel like myself. I'm stressed all the time. I'm not as patient with my wife and 10 month old baby. I'm growing cynical about the kingdom of God and if I'm honest, I'm questioning my call. I work two jobs with the church being my main source of income. I spend 60 hours at church and 10-20 hours at my other job. My wife also works a part-time job. If I left the church tommorrow I don't know how Wed be able to afford rent, student loans (Private Christian College for pastoral undergrad), Healthcare, food, or anything else. My other Job brings only brings in $500 a month.

I don't want to be reckless but I don't want to be in this church just because it allows me to survive. Thats a bad motive. I love what I do. I don't think I can do it hear without it seriously impacting my health. Not to be TMI but I've gained 10lbs since the transition, got ibs, stress ulcers, and I shake when I drive to work. I don't know if I need advice or if I just need to vent, but if you could just spare a few seconds and pray for God to give me clear guidance, provision, and healing I would appreciate it.

Hey Ya'll,

I'm currently employed as a youth and children's pastor with a bachelor's degree in Pastoral ministry. I have worked in this field for the last 5 years and I often love what I do, yet the changing job market, economy, and overall outlook of the future of the church are starting to make me question my next steps.

For some background information:
My plan for a long time was to get a few years of experience under my belt and then pursue my Masters of Divinity so that I could be freer for ministry positions that appeal to me. I currently am managing $23,000 of private student loans and $27,000 federal student loans from my undergrade, and I am on pace to aggressively pay them off. I have an 8-month-old son and my wife stays at home. The church provides for us well but we are paycheck to paycheck.

As I assess my next steps for a graduate education, I am becoming more and more aware of how many senior pastors are bivocational/ don't make a wage that can support their family on ministry alone. I love ministry and I would probably still do it if I wasn't doing it for a job, but I am really curious as to what my next steps could determine. Is a Master of Divinity locking me into Senior Pastor ministry or could I do more with that degree? What other Masters could I pursue that could provide me a path to do ministry more freely even if that means I no longer do ministry full time? For people who got Mdivs, do you regret it? Would you get it again or do you feel like it limited your ministry/your family?

Thanks in advance for some guidance!