Talk me off the ledge / talk sense into me
So I am aware I (38m) have an anxious attachment style, which I believe probably originated in childhood but was reinforced by an especially painful breakup 10 years ago (I was totally devoted and she blindsided and dumped me and moved on, refusing to ever speak to me again).
I've had a bit of a hard time with online dating. Like most men, I don't receive a ton of matches (maybe 15 a month), but I get enough that it's not totally useless. I only like women I'm genuinely interested in and attracted to, so I find that when matches do come through I'm quite happy with my results.
However, I have this pattern where things seem to go well on the first date, a woman agrees to a second (in many cases taking initiative to reach out to me after the date or take extra unnecessary steps to stay in contact when she could have let things fade), only to back out or ghost.
I think this pattern combined with my own relationship trauma and anxiety (and the relatively low number of matches) has made me hypervigilant about any hint of someone pulling away or losing interest in me. I also admittedly have somewhat low self esteem and poor self-image, so I find it hard to believe attractive women genuinely find me attractive sometimes. Basically I always assume if she doesn't want to see me again it's because I wasn't good looking enough.
Anyway, that's the context for my current situation.
I matched with a woman I felt pretty excited about. She's beautiful/my type, smart, cool, artsy, etc. Basically just seems like a catch/good fit for me. We had really great rapport over text before our first date, exchanging lots of messages with clear enthusiasm on both sides. Then we had our first date, and it seemed to go well. I told her I wanted to see her again and she said the same.
In the few days since, we've texted every day, multiple times, with lots of witty banter, a little flirting. She's often the first to initiate and she sends photos, voice notes etc. She clearly has some interest at least.
But the last day or two the messages slowed down / the messaging "day" ended much earlier. I know she has some family in town, so it's probably just that, but my anxiety is running wild. I know I shouldn't be so invested after just a first date but it felt like such a good fit and like things were going so well. It felt so good to have someone I was excited about seem excited about me. We have a penciled-in plan to see each other next week, but that anxiety is just telling me she's going to disappear any day.
So basically I need your help. Talk me off the ledge and help me avoid self-sabotaging, if it seems like this is all in my head. Or, if there does seem to be something to be worried about, let me know if I should brace for that.
I promise I'm not a creep/weirdo. Just somebody who's had a lot of bad experiences and been hurt but genuinely wants to find a lasting connection.