u/Sensitive_Dot5832

AITA for still going to my MIL’s 70th birthday after my FIL refused to attend because of me?

I (mid 30s F) have been with my husband for years and we have a daughter together. I’m relatively close with most of his family and until recently I was especially close with his step sister “Vanessa” (mid 30’s) and her dad/my FIL. Vanessa and I were genuinely best friends. Like soul sister level close.

About 6 months ago there was an awkward incident at a party involving Vanessa’s long-term crush “Ben.” (Also mid 30’s) To be absolutely clear: nothing romantic happened. We were saying goodbye, both went for the cheek kiss, and accidentally landed on each other’s mouths for literally a split second. Closed mouth, immediately laughed off, my husband was standing next to us and saw and didn’t care at all due to it being a non event.

Apparently Vanessa did care.

At the time we had an argument about it, but I genuinely thought we’d moved on. I apologised for upsetting her, explained there was no intent behind it, bought her a thoughtful gift the next time I saw her, etc.

Then out of nowhere after I saw her again she sent a long message saying she was upset with me because I had told her my MIL knew about the disagreement from FIL and made a comment which supposedly meant she couldn’t trust her own father. For context, her dad has lived with this woman for TWENTY YEARS he obviously told her we had had an argument especially given how close we were. He didn’t exactly leak state secrets.

Vanessa has a long history of permanently cutting women off over perceived betrayals, so while I was devastated, I eventually accepted it despite grieving the relationship.

The issue now is my FIL.

Before all this, he and I got on brilliantly. He was the first person in my husband’s family who fully accepted me and we genuinely adored each other. We’d sit drinking and laughing for hours. He was my person in that family besides my husband.

Since the fallout, he’s completely iced me out. Won’t answer messages, avoids seeing us, etc. Hurtful, but whatever, he’s her dad he’s always going to take his daughter’s side.

BUT NOW…

My MIL is turning 70 and we’ve found out my FIL is refusing to attend her birthday party because I’m going.

I genuinely cannot believe this is real life.

This whole thing stemmed from an accidental mis-kiss SIX MONTHS AGO that my husband literally witnessed and did not care about. Yet now a grown man in his 70s is refusing to attend his partner’s milestone birthday because I’ll be there.

I initially considered skipping Christmas and future family events to “keep the peace” but now I’m thinking absolutely not. Why should I exile myself from my husband’s family because two people are behaving like this?

For context:
- I have never shouted at anyone
- I have never insulted Vanessa
- I thoroughly apologised for upsetting her even though I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong
- I have continued being polite
- My husband and several other people who were at the party think this has been blown wildly out of proportion

My husband is furious because he feels his stepdad is punishing the entire family but especially his mother over something ridiculous.

So… AITA if I continue turning up to family events and basically leave my FIL to either deal with it or sulk upstairs?

I (mid 30s F) have been with my husband for years, we have a daughter & I’m relatively close with most of his family & until recently, I was especially close with his stepsister “Vanessa” (mid 30’s) V & I were genuinely best friends. Like soul sister level close.
About 6 months ago there was an awkward incident at a party involving V’s crush “Ben.” (Also mid 30’s) To be absolutely clear: nothing romantic happened. We were saying goodbye, both went for the cheek kiss, and accidentally landed on each other’s mouths for literally a split second. Closed mouth, immediately laughed off, my husband was standing next to us & saw & didn’t care at all due to it being a non event.

Apparently V did care.
At the time we argued about it & I apologised for upsetting her, explained there was no intent behind it, bought her a thoughtful gift the next time I saw her, etc. all was well!

Then after I saw her again she sent a long message saying she was upset with me, I had told her my MIL knew about the disagreement from FIL & made a comment which meant she couldn’t trust her own father. He obviously told his partner we had had an argument especially given how close we were. He didn’t exactly leak state secrets.

V has a history of permanently cutting women off over perceived betrayals, so while I was devastated, I eventually accepted it despite grieving the friendship.

The issue now is FIL.

Before all this, he & I got on brilliantly. He was the 1st in my husband’s family who accepted me and we adored each other. He was my person in the family besides my husband.

Since this, he’s completely iced me out. Won’t answer messages, avoids seeing us, etc. Hurtful, but he’s always going to take his daughter’s side.

Now MIL is turning 70 & we’ve found out FIL is refusing to attend her party because I’m going.
I genuinely cannot believe this is real life.

This whole thing stemmed from an accidental mis-kiss 6 months ago and now a grown man in his 70s is refusing to attend his partner’s milestone birthday because I’ll be there?!

I initially considered skipping all family events to “keep the peace” but why should I exile myself from my husband’s family because two people are behaving like this?

My husband is furious because he feels his stepdad is punishing his mother over something ridiculous.

So… AITA if I continue turning up to family events and let FIL to deal with it?