Am I wrong for feeling like there’s a third person in my marriage?
I have been married for almost 2 years. It was an arranged marriage, and we live abroad, far away from both of our families.
My husband has an older sister who is married with two kids and lives away from home as well.
Before we got married, I noticed that my (then fiancé) used to get frequent calls from his mother. I asked him if that was normal, and he told me it was only because they were building a new house and she kept calling to discuss it.
Now, almost two years into our marriage, nothing has changed. She still calls almost every single day. She knows everything that is happening in our household because my husband updates her constantly. Whenever he comes home from work, there’s a good chance he’s on the phone with either his mother, his sister, his uncle, or his friends—but most often, it’s his mother.
By the time he’s done talking, he’s tired. He eats, watches TV, scrolls on his phone, and the day is basically over. We rarely get quality time together.
I honestly don’t know whether my mother-in-law likes me or not. She’s usually very reserved with me, often responds with a straight face, and sometimes comes across as rude. Maybe that’s just her personality—I genuinely don’t know.
The thing is, I don’t want to ruin their relationship. I don’t expect him to stop talking to his mother. I think it’s nice that they’re close. But I also feel like there’s no space left for our marriage. Sometimes it feels like there are three people in this marriage instead of two.
I’ve brought this up with my husband more than once, but he brushes it off and says I’m making a big deal out of a silly issue.
So I’m wondering:
Am I being unreasonable here? Is daily contact with parents like this normal after marriage? Or is the real issue not the phone calls themselves, but the fact that our marriage doesn’t seem to get the same time and attention?