AITAH for not forgiving my aunt after strangling me?
So, last summer i was staying at my grandpa's house for a bit and when it came time to go home he asked my aunt to drive me and my friend who had come with me to another town where we would meet my mom and then me and my friend would go home with her.
At this time I was 14 and my aunt was maybe in her mid thirties, not sure. Id also like to note that i am on the autism spectrum, as my actions may make more sense with that info in mind.
It became apparent very quickly that this drive was going to be horrible. We have very conflicting beliefs and views on many many things that I am extremely passionate about. We argued a lot. Any time I would try to ask her to stop talking so I could calm down she would just keep going. Honestly, I had never really been put in a situation like this before so I wasn't sure how to handle it, how to stay calm and regulate my emotions, etc. So, theres that.
At one point, she stopped to get gas and I saw a cool looking bug next to the car so I got out to pick it up because I quite like bugs and wanted to see what kind it was. She turned around and started SCREAMING at me that I was hurting it and I needed to put it down and I was being cruel. All I was doing was holding it in my hand and looking at it, but okay.
Then, while driving she realized her speaker was dead and instead of just plugging it in and waiting for it to charge she decided to go to Walmart and get a whole new speaker. She left me, my friend, and her French bulldog who already can barely breathe in the hot car for at least 5 minutes for this.
The entire car ride, I was very on edge due to her reckless driving. She was swerving a lot, wasn't keeping her hands on the wheel or eyes on the road as much as one should while on the highway, refused to wear her seat belt, and is arguing with and yelling at me all the while. Needless to say, I was very very anxious and unable to regulate my emotions.
After 3 hours in this car, we finally got to the town we were gonna meet my mom in. My aunt refused to go to where we had agreed to meet and it really stressed me out because i thought that was the plan and I also don't really know this town so it was nearly impossible to give my mom any directions. After stopping at a drive thru to get a burger while i was panicking over how long we were taking, my aunt pulls over on some random road I cant see a sign for so I have no clue where we even are. Im sobbing at this point. She gets out of the car and walks away so I can't even try to ask her for info to tell my mom. Eventually, my mom is able to get sort of close to where the car is and my aunt comes back to the car. My friend leaves to go try and find my mom. My aunt starts talking again, I dont even remember what she was saying but I know it was something dumb and that she was probably yelling again. I was crying and screaming telling her to stop talking and she just wouldnt, i didnt know what to do and eventually i leaned forward and hit her twice on the back. Im not proud of that and i know i shouldnt have done that, but i was in such a panicked and emotional state i didnt really think. I just wanted her to stop. I leaned back in my seat, still sobbing. She leaned back and wrapped her hands around my neck. I couldn't breathe at all, I was trying to get her hands off of me but I couldn't. She was yelling but I don't really remember what. I just know she was swearing at me. I dont really know how long it was until she let go, but my vision had almost gone completely black before she did. I was very very shocked and needed a second to process what just happened and to catch my breath. At this point, my friend had found my mom and was leading her back to the car. I got out and I ran to them and told them what happened.
I ended up pressing charges against my aunt and I had to get some stuff done at the hospital to make sure she hadn't caused any serious damage to my throat. The bruising was bad, it didnt go away for maybe 2 weeks. We had to take photos of the bruising every day to keep as evidence. we also ended up having to take pictures of my hands to show the LACK of bruising because once my aunt became aware of me pressing charges she started lying and saying that I had punched her really hard in the head. Mind you, my position in the car wouldnt have even allowed that.
Fast forward to now, my grandpa wants me to forgive her. She still lives on his property and i was planning on going to visit him because i was told she would be out of town but i guess that was a lie? My grandpa is saying that shes sorry and that not forgiving her doesnt do anything good for me. He says i should go visit him anyways and that its fine. Is he right? I really do not know at this point. I guess it would be better for the family if I let go of this grudge and if I didn't have to avoid family things just because she's there but I don't know if I feel safe around her. This might be messed up to say but I feel like if I had to see her again I'd probably attack her. Should I just forgive and forget? Am I in the wrong here?
EDIT: There's so many people saying it's obvious I'm not in the wrong and so many more saying that what happened was deserved and its my fault. so I am still questioning myself here. someone even said I'm so in the wrong here THEY want to strangle me😭😭
anyway, just wanted to clarify too that I only mentioned me being autistic because it's why I have a harder time regulating my emotions and such. im not trying to use it as an excuse for my actions. and, most of the time when there was argument it was her talking at me and me asking her to be quiet lol