My baby girl was put to rest two days ago. I watched as the light left her eyes. I am beyond heartbroken. The tears are endless. The void she left is suffocating. I just want to be with her. I’m just so tired.
I’m sitting with one of my kitties who is nearing the end. She’s been suffering so much these past few weeks. She’s fought so hard. But her fight is nearly over.
The vet will come soon to help her cross rainbow bridge. My heart is shattered. There’s a hole in my chest and that will never fully mend.
I have such guilt. Did I try hard enough to help her? Did I do enough?
She’s hiding. Sometimes she wanders aimlessly. It’s time. She’s shutting down. But what if I had addressed things sooner? Been more proactive? I’ll never know. And that is killing me.
I don’t have the strength to get through this. One more loss stacked upon others. It’s just too much.
I have never been a truly happy person. Never fulfilled. Dreams never realized. Day to day I barely hold myself together. I only look forward to sleep so that I can escape the constant sadness and the never ending past traumas that plague me constantly.
Today I’m sitting with one of my cats as she nears death. The vet will come soon to ease her suffering. I only wish I could join her.
I’m not strong enough for this life. It has eroded my soul. Broken my heart too often to ever mend. I just want this all to be over with.
I’m old. Will be 60 soon. I’ve dealt with severe depression my entire adult life. On various meds since my late twenties. There have been some good times but mostly I ruin everything. A least when I was younger there was always hope that life would improve, that I would be happy. Now all my past trauma haunts me. Plays in an endless loop. When I look forward I only see old age, lost dreams, and hopelessness. If not for my cats I would have ended my life. I want so badly for the pain and suffering to end.