u/Shoddy_Adeptness_272

I found these posts so helpful when I was planning my wedding so here’s mine!

We recently had a three-day destination wedding in Europe. Overall, it was amazing, but there are definitely things I would change and things I am SO glad I spent money on.

MY REGRETS / WHAT I WOULD CHANGE
The bridal-party fallout before the wedding
About six weeks before the wedding, we had a significant fallout with part of our wedding party that was devastating for my husband and incredibly stressful for both of us. We even went to couples counselling to work through it before the wedding. It took up so much time and emotional energy that we never really caught up on the final preparations. The people causing the drama was not completely out of character so be careful who you invite into your bridal party.

My custom wedding dress experience
I worked with an Australian bridal designer on a custom gown based on my own design, and unfortunately the experience was terrible. I picked the dress up two hours before leaving for the airport while they were still cleaning it, the floral appliqués were not sewn down as I had repeatedly asked, and the custom gloves did not fit properly and kept sliding down my arms like 80s scrunch socks. The dress itself also felt like it was sliding down on the day, so I never felt completely comfortable in it. I have friends who worked with both smaller and larger designers and had much better experiences, so I would really vet whoever you choose and make sure they can actually execute what they are promising.

Moving the ceremony later
This is probably my biggest regret. We pushed the ceremony later because of the heat, but we are notoriously late people and my husband and the groomsmen ended up running behind. That delay then affected the entire rest of the day.

Guest transport becoming optional
We had paid for Sprinter vans because the venue was about an hour away and the road up was difficult. My husband gave a couple with a baby permission to drive, but they told other guests and more people decided to drive too. Guests ended up arriving across almost an hour instead of together, which contributed to the delays and also meant some people could leave earlier later in the night.

Losing the sunlight for some of our portraits
Because we were about 30 minutes behind, by the time we finished the ceremony and family photos, the sun had moved behind the mountain. It was still full daylight and our photographer did a great job, but I had imagined very specific photos in that direct sunlight. This is probably the thing I have struggled with most afterwards. If light matters to you, build in far more buffer than you think you need.

Not being specific enough about photos and posing
Our photographer was fantastic, but he asked me to look down quite a lot because it is a very bridal pose. I realised afterwards that I personally hate photos of myself looking down. We also practised our dip, but clearly not enough. If there are specific poses or angles you care about, work them out beforehand.

The party peaked too early
We had an amazing live band during our three-hour dinner and everyone went OFF: dancing, singing, conga lines around the fountain. It was genuinely one of the best parts of the wedding, but I had been warned that the party might peak during dinner, and that is exactly what happened. By the time we moved onto the main dance floor later, the group felt much smaller and I got quite upset in the moment.

Drinking too much at the welcome event
I had such a good time that I did not really notice how much I had drunk until I was borderline drunk. Nothing bad happened, but I woke up the next day not looking or feeling my freshest and spent the day hydrating, exercising and trying to recover.

Small things I would plan differently
Air conditioning dried my eyes out so badly that one eye would not stop watering on the wedding day, switching ceremony sides last minute caused a seating issue for the bridal party, and our MC made a sexual joke during the couples game that my husband and I found mortifying. None of these were huge, but all are things I would think about beforehand if I did it again.

MY BEST DECISIONS
Splurging on my second and third dresses
My other two dresses were Oscar de la Renta and Ralph Lauren, and I had them customised to fit exactly how I wanted. I am so glad I spent the money on them. I felt incredible in both, they photographed beautifully, and they will always be very special pieces to me.

Investing heavily in hair and makeup
Probably one of my best decisions. I had the same artist for all three wedding-event days, which meant we could try slightly different looks before the actual wedding. She also came with me to the venue and saved me when my eye would not stop watering. She was incredibly talented, calm and such a lovely person to have around.

Hair extensions
If you want big, romantic half-up hair, I would absolutely recommend them. I basically wanted Disney-princess hair and had around three times my normal amount. My curls lasted all day and I loved how it photographed.

Starting beauty and wellness early
I started working on my face basically as soon as I got engaged. I worked with an acupuncturist for facial acupuncture, stress and stomach issues, and I also worked consistently with a personal trainer to reach my fitness goals. I had a very stressful job at the time, so having both of those things in place was incredibly helpful.

Spending money on taking care of myself
My personal budget for dresses, makeup, hair, fitness, acupuncture and generally looking after myself was quite large, but I am really glad I prioritised it. For me, feeling good was just as important as what we spent on the actual event.

Hiring a content creator
One of the best decisions of the whole wedding. My husband initially did not understand why we needed one, but she captured so many little videos and moments throughout the day that we otherwise would never have had. Personally, I would choose a great content creator over a traditional videographer.

Doing a first look
We originally were not going to do one, but I had read so many positive posts about them. I am really glad we changed our minds. Having that private moment together before everything started was incredibly special.

Sleeping next to my husband the night before + getting ready with my bridesmaids
I knew I would sleep better with him there, so we ignored tradition and shared the room. I somehow slept really well. The next morning, having breakfast and getting ready with my bridesmaids was one of my favourite parts of the entire day.

My bridesmaids
They were amazing, supportive, organised, enthusiastic and calming. When I got upset later about the dance floor, they were the people who pulled me out of my head and got me back to enjoying the night.

The welcome event
One of my favourite days of the entire wedding. The setting, dinner and atmosphere were spectacular, and a dress I had initially been unsure about became one of my favourite looks once everything came together.

The ceremony design and florals
We spent a significant amount on the flowers, platform, staging and overall ceremony setup, and I would do it again. I had not seen the finished space beforehand and it completely exceeded what I had imagined.

Protecting our cocktail hour
We had invested a lot into food stations, entertainment, a photo booth and furniture, and I really wanted us to actually experience it. Because we were running late, we extended it slightly rather than sacrificing it, and I am glad we did.

Paying a professional wedding photo editor
I had a few things in the photos that genuinely bothered me, especially the gloves, so I paid a professional wedding photo editor to fix them. It made a huge difference to how I feel about the gallery. These photos are forever, and I personally do not think you should force yourself to keep looking at something you hate if it can be professionally corrected.

Overall, I absolutely loved our wedding. My biggest lesson is probably that you can have an incredible wedding and still have genuine regrets about parts of it

Happy planning everyone x

Hi my favorits,

I was wondering if anyone has a recommendation for a genuinely professional Photoshop editor who specialises in wedding photos.

Our photographer delivered an incredible gallery, but there are just a handful of photos where we would love some very minor edits (removing a few distractions, cleaning up a couple of details, that sort of thing). Unfortunately, our photographer does not offer retouching beyond their standard editing.
I tried hiring someone through Airtasker, but they mostly relied on AI tools and the results were not great. I am looking for someone who is actually skilled in Photoshop and can make edits that look completely natural.

Has anyone here worked with someone they would genuinely recommend? I am happy to pay for quality work, I would just love someone with experience retouching wedding photos rather than generic photo editing.

If you have any recommendations or could point me in the right direction, I would really appreciate it. Thank you! x

Post here about a week ago and there had been some development:

My fiancée and I are getting married in three weeks, and I am dealing with the fallout from my bachelor party, which has caused serious hurt in our relationship and now led to my best man cancelling coming to the wedding. I’m so hurt by all of this. I try to do everything for everyone else and have worked towards this wedding my whole life and I want my friends around me.

For background, before the bachelor party I had made it clear to my best man that I did not want that kind of night. I did not want escorts, lap dances, strippers, or anything that would disrespect my fiancée or our relationship.

The bachelor party started with a boat day. Later in the night, my best man left my bachelor party with another groomsman and two of my oldest friends. They went to a villa, and two women were later booked from an escort website. I was then invited back to the villa.

When I arrived, the women were topless/in see-through underwear. A lot of the men got lap dances, and some men went upstairs with the women. My friends pushed me to get a lap dance, but I said no. I did not get a lap dance, I did not touch anyone, I did not go upstairs, and nothing physical or sexual happened with me. This has been confirmed by multiple people, including the women themselves.

However, my fiancée is still deeply hurt, and I understand why. I stayed in an environment I should have left. I did not tell her myself. She ended up finding out and having to piece together what happened, including speaking to the women herself. She feels humiliated and like I failed to protect her, our relationship, and her dignity.

My best man has also been a major issue. He says he did not personally book the women and that two of the guys used his phone to do it. However, he had apparently tried to organise girls earlier in the day, and the later messages were on his phone. The messages involved asking which girls were “keen to party,” which made his explanation that he thought they were just “topless waitresses” very difficult for my fiancée to believe.

My fiancée initially felt deeply uncomfortable with him standing beside me as best man after this. She felt that, as best man, he should have protected me and respected our relationship, not helped create or allow a situation that caused this much damage right before our wedding.

However, after a lot of conversations, she had actually come around to the idea of letting him continue as best man because she knows he has historically been a strong support to our relationship, and she did not want to make the wedding harder for me. She was still hurt, but she was trying to be fair and move forward.

Now he has cancelled coming to the wedding completely, three weeks out.

I am honestly very sad about it. He has been a close friend for a long time and has supported our relationship in the past. I had already replaced another best man with him, so this now leaves me without a best man three weeks before the wedding. It also makes everything feel even more messy and painful.

At the same time, I understand why my fiancée feels this is a consequence of what happened and how he handled it afterwards. She does not want me to make this about comforting him or protecting his feelings when she is the one who has been deeply hurt.

I feel stuck between sadness over losing my best man so close to the wedding and knowing that my fiancée needs me to prioritise her and our relationship right now.

How should I handle my best man cancelling three weeks before the wedding?

Do I reach out to him, or do I accept his decision and move forward?

Should I appoint someone else, have no best man, or just have all groomsmen stand equally?

And how do I support my fiancée through this without making her feel like she has to comfort me about the consequences of something that hurt her?

TL;DR: My bachelor party involved women booked from an escort website. I did not participate, but I stayed and did not tell my fiancée myself, which deeply hurt her. My best man was involved in allowing/facilitating the situation. My fiancée was initially uncomfortable with him remaining best man, but had come around to allowing it because of his past support for our relationship. He has now cancelled coming to the wedding three weeks out. I am sad and unsure how to handle losing my best man while also prioritising my fiancée.

My fiancée and I are getting married in about seven weeks, and something happened at my bachelor party that has badly damaged her trust in me.

I want to be clear from the start: I did not get a lap dance, I did not touch anyone, I did not go upstairs with anyone, and nothing physical or sexual happened between me and any woman that night. Multiple people, including the women involved, have confirmed this.

But I also understand that this does not make the situation okay.

Before the bachelor party, I had told my best man that I did not want that kind of night. I did not want escorts, strippers, lap dances, or anything that would disrespect my fiancée or our relationship.

The day started with a boat party. From what I understand, there had already been attempts earlier in the day to organise girls for the boat, but other men objected and said that was not okay. Later in the night, some of the guys, including my best man, left my bachelor party and went to a villa. Two women were then booked through an escort website. My best man says he did not personally organise them and that other guys booked them through his phone, but the messages were on his phone and involved asking which girls were “keen to party,” photos being sent, and specific girls being selected.

I was later invited back to the villa. The girls were topless/in see-through underwear. A lot of the men got lap dances. Some men went upstairs with the girls. My friends pushed me to get a lap dance, but I said no.

My fiancée later found out. She has spoken to the girls herself and seen messages. The girls confirmed that nothing happened with me and that they did not dance for me. But she is still devastated.

At first, I thought the main issue was proving that I did not physically do anything. I now realise that is not enough.

Her pain is that I stayed in the environment, did not leave immediately, did not shut it down strongly enough, and did not tell her myself before she had to find out and piece it together. She feels like I protected myself from crossing the worst physical line, but I did not protect her, our relationship, or her dignity.

She also feels deeply hurt by my best man. He has historically been supportive of our relationship, but he tried to minimise this afterwards as “what happens at bachelor parties.” He also says he thought the women were just topless waitresses, but the messages and the context make that hard for my fiancée to believe. She feels he failed in the role of best man and that he should not stand beside me at the wedding.

We went to counselling yesterday, and today she feels even worse. She says she feels like she cannot trust me to stand up for her. She is not saying I cheated, but she feels like I failed to actively choose and protect her when it mattered.

I love her and I do want to repair this. I understand now that saying “I did not get a lap dance” does not fix the deeper issue. I should have left. I should have told her. I should have made it clear to my friends that this was unacceptable.

My questions are:

How do I rebuild trust after something like this when I did not physically cheat, but I did fail to leave and failed to protect my fiancée emotionally?

Should my best man be removed or demoted from the wedding party, even though he has been a close friend and has supported our relationship in the past?

What does real accountability look like here, beyond just saying sorry?

TL;DR: My bachelor party involved two women booked from an escort website. I did not get a lap dance, touch anyone, or go upstairs, and this has been confirmed by others, including the women. But I stayed in the environment, did not leave, and did not tell my fiancée myself. She now feels like I failed to protect her, stand up for her, and prioritise our relationship seven weeks before our wedding. My best man was involved in allowing/organising the situation and has minimised it. How do I repair the trust, and should he still be best man?

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with something that happened at my fiancé’s bachelor party and would appreciate some outside perspective.

My fiancé chose his oldest group of friends as his groomsmen. Up until now, I had a good relationship with all of them.

For his bachelor party, around 20 guys showed up, which meant so much to him. He is normally quite humble and quiet, so having so many friends there to celebrate him made him really happy.

The day started with a boat party on the harbour. After that, two of the groomsmen, including the best man, left the group with two other guys and went to a villa they had rented. They then ordered two escorts. All of these men are married with children.

My fiancé did not organise this, did not know it was happening, and was not involved. He was very drunk at a bar with the rest of the group and didn’t even realise they had left. Later that night, he ended up at the villa, and apparently one escort was still there serving drinks. The guys apparently tried to pressure him into getting a lap dance, which he declined.

One of the wives found out, and the whole thing has caused chaos. When I found out, I was furious and messaged the guys asking what they were thinking doing this seven weeks before our wedding.

Three of them apologised, but the best man basically said, “That’s what happens at bachelor parties,” and told me I was overreacting.

My fiancé and I have had multiple fights about it, even though we normally never fight. We have now decided to start marriage counselling, not because I think he cheated, but because the situation has caused so much hurt, stress, and mistrust right before our wedding.

My fiancé is devastated too. His best friends left his own bachelor party to hire escorts, then put him in a horrible position. He feels embarrassed, hurt, and completely let down by them.

To make things worse, another groomsman has now started criticising our wedding plans, saying our welcome drinks timeline is awkward and should be changed, and that instead of welcome drinks and canapés everyone should be invited to dinner. We have rented a beautiful hotel garden for two hours to welcome guests at our destination wedding, and afterwards the bridal party is going to dinner. We don’t have big families, so our bridal party is very important to us. We want it intimate.

At this point, I feel like his groomsmen are causing drama and stress instead of supporting him.

Would you be upset in this situation? Are we overreacting?

Also are we totally wrong about our welcome event timeline?

Hi my favourite BBB,

We are getting married in Europe in 7 weeks(!), and are now finalising logistics for all our luggage.

We are flying business with Singapore air and I’ve called ahead and told them I’m flying with a large wedding dress. Their response: No problem at all! We are looking forward to assisting you ahead of your big day.

We land in Barcelona and have a new flight (not connecting) from Barcelona to Mallorca with Air Europe, which has been a nightmare to deal with and basically said I’m going to have to check my dress in. I have also offered to buy a whole row of seats just for the dress. But apparently it’s against their “policy”, and also given their track record of losing luggage I am considering a “White Glove Service”.

Any recommendations from Australia brides who have or are shipping their dresses or other items?

I know this is not recommended but I’m at a loss for how to resolve this…

Appreciate all responses x

Hi all, I’ve read through this great sub and is now looking for a bit of advice myself.

My partner and I have bought two appartments in the same block of 5, in a great area of Sydney. The top apartments previous owner were looking to put another level on top together with the neighbours beside him. Now we own the apartment and have been in conversation with the neighbour to do the same.

I’m currently a project manager in construction and have great contacts and also experience dealing with residential. My partner also works as a financial planner which will definitely be useful during this process.

The plan is for me to quit my job and start up our property developing business, and for us to be the builder in the process as well (from experience I know how much profit some of these builders get out of some of these builds and I prefer to manage the budget side myself).

I am also aware we need to go into business with someone who has a builders lisence, as I currently do not have one. We have a couple of contacts that we could use for this.

Also we will be hiring a site manager, as I will need someone with more trade experience than I.

Are there any pitfalls, anything we should be aware of? Have you been in a similar situation? How did it pan out?

thanking everyone in advance for your advice!