u/Shot-Web6820

So the most common piece of advice when dealing with bullies or abusers I see is "don't give them a reaction". I can't really understand what exactly is meant by that, as in, what behaviour doesn't constitute a reaction, cuz in my literal mind almost all possible ones are a reaction. People generally just say the phrase, as if it is self-explanatory, and the only examples I've seen are some imaginary text convos or short vids, where someone is practicing "grey-rocking". They did give me some ideas, but by far not enough, cuz these situations are so detached from context and actual things that happen in life, like, in the vids it was always two people idly sitting on the couch lol and talking. I mean, it is an activity that people do, but I wish bullies only bullied me when I was not in any way busy or in need and just chilling out, not cornered by them and/or circumstances.

Has anyone else figured it out? What is not a reaction as opposed to a reaction? Have you practiced "grey-rocking" or another form of non-reactivity? If so, could you give me context and describe the situations in detail? Any other thoughts on the matter would be much appreciated too.

Not looking for any advice or help, just wanna chat to people who'd like to share and compare. :)

So I definitely feel sexual attraction, have sexual desires and ideas and get aroused by them, and the sex itself, depending on the sex lol, can be fun and fulfilling and something I'm looking forward to.

That said, I'm very put off by a lot of sexual and sex-adjacent behaviour people display, my reaction can vary from something similar to cringe to something closer to disgust, and, more important, none of it attracts or arouses me, it actually does the opposite. Things like when people try to "pursue" me or flirt at me, when partners get all excited about "trying something new" and make "sexy" faces or motions, or talk in a "sexy" tone of voice. There is almost always this undercurrent of taboo and "dirtiness"/"naughtiness" in it, sometimes mixed with weird - fake? - aggression and forceful language that uses the same vocabulary and structure as threats, like, "making someone do something" and "you will not be able to help yourself" and so on. This stuff always makes me want to just leave the room, I perceive it as basically the same when children go through the phase of saying "bad words" on purpose and giggling about it and teasing each other about having body parts or something or, if it's more aggressive, then as bad movie villains giving their speech and laughing diabolically, all of which does not facilitate attraction or arousal for me at all, it is like the total opposite of how my sexuality works and how I experience sexual desire and how I want to go about it, so I also experience deep confusion, cuz, like, just a second ago people were behaving normally and now suddenly there is this bizarre theatre for, as I perceive it, no reason? We were just talking like adults and now suddenly nipples are funny or whatever and deserve this dancing around them and winking.

Not wanna bash anyone, I guess, this sense of "being bad" is something that naturally accompanies arousal and attraction for a lot of people and to each their own, just wanna see if anyone feels more similar to how I do.

I respond much better to straightforward communication, where all the parties treat their bodies and the activities they are about to engage in as something normal, mutual and, with enough engagement, fun, the same as they would playing volleyball or having tea with cookies together. I also don't mind bluntness or crudeness, even though I've discovered over the years it often is a sign of disrespect, but in my natural autistic perspective a fresh and crisp "let's fuck" is so much nicer than what people do when they attempt "seduction". A good joke is good too, though, so a well-delivered "let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel" can make me laugh - and a good-natured laugh can easily lead to attraction and arousal, if the notions of taboo or shame and being naughty are not included there. But I do dream of a world where people just treat sex as any other shared activity and talk about it as such, when proposing or asking for it, cuz for now I've managed to experience sexual interactions without cringe and/or bewilderment only in some spaces and seconds in between people pulling faces and projecting embarassment onto me, even though I'm not young and I've not been exclusively banging repressed Catholics.

Not sure asexuality applies to me, I'm not really interested in finding a label or figuring a way of saying what I'm about, so maybe the post is gonna be a miss, but I thought I should go ask people with unconventional feelings about sex about my unconventional feelings about sex before I venture somewhere else.