u/Shyy_Skellyy

Lately it feels like I've started to grow fatigued from casual interactions. The kind that don't add anything to your palate and feel like nothing more than a distraction from the main course, yet it's this circumstance of loneliness that I still try to sample what I can or moreso what has potential to truly satisfy this craving of mine.

I've always been a tad picky with what I eat and the same holds true for who I yearn to pour my love into with every bite and sip. I feel that perhaps I've become tired of appetizers, tired of being the one responsible for choosing from the menu when instead I wonder when will someone decide to choose me? In order to satiate an unending hunger they've been starved from feeding.

All I desire, is to be able to relinquish myself over in full to my love on a silver platter. To love them, to hold them close through both pain and joy so that the sounds of my heartbeat echo as a reminder that I'm here, that you can fill my glass full with the wine of your love and I'll fill your glass all the same so that we may become drunk on the spirits of our obsession.

Oh to feel you between my teeth, to lather you with my tongue, to gaze upon every nook and crevice you offer so that I can truly take in the mouth watering meal of my one and only. I want us to over indulge in one another so that we rightfully quench our thirst and slake our long arising hunger for just this moment and for the even more beautiful ones to follow.

What makes it worse is that I've never been one for patience and it feels as if I've been wearing it thin for years now just hoping that by some means we'd fall into each other's lives so that we can finally start the loving journey of our full course meal to one another.

I often ask myself, Who are you? Where are you? When will our lives become intertwined? How long will our reservations be put on hold?

Has anyone ever imagined what it'd be like to have your own place? And not just have your own place but also have someone who you could maybe call to come over anytime you want or maybe even just show up knocking at your door out of the blue? lol

I've been thinking about it a lot recently and honestly I think I really want that sort of bond with another where we can just experience enjoying the little things in life with one another's company at the center. Road trips, sleepovers, eating takeout, stargazing you name it no matter how random or spontaneous it may be as long as it's us you know.

I know I'm pretty hopeful to meet someone who may want the same thing and be just as serious about it as me here through reddit but I've never been someone who gives up easily cause I feel it'll all be worth it once that one person finally comes strutting into your life lol

Not much of an intro as I figured we could get to know one another along the way and more just me throwing something in the abyss of endless post here but if anyone's at least ever felt the same way I do regarding what I mentioned earlier feel free to reach out and if we hit it off, perfect, if not it's no worries!

But for more practical reasons I am CST specifically from TX and for a conversation starter if need be, say you had your own place and by a miracle we hit it off well, what little things would you like to spend time doing??

I've come to find that many become tormented by their very own obsessions. It can shackle them, slowly eroding away their health to leave behind nothing more than a husk of desire. Yet why does the case seem to be different with the obsessive nature that I myself have? Is obsession truly something only confined to the relms of self detriment? Perhaps obsession is moreso something meant to be tamed?

Otherwise you'll become engulfed by the flames of your own emotions, as I think someone whose naturally obsessive feels things through a more deeper, stronger, and detailed channel compared to those who are not. That is why I think it's important we remain careful as not to wander off the edge no matter how close we may get and no matter how thin the line may seem.

As of recently, to me obsession has been nothing short of a lovely catharsis and I say that without even having that one love of mine to obsess over as I ofcourse yearn to have. It's strange isn't it? I take pleasure in having the mere capacity to be obsessive as otherwise wouldn't life feel pretty dull?

I find it easier to release all these emotions like an explosion from a cherry bomb with a lit fuse, as the sweetness from the heat left behind leaves me in such a mania of nirvana so perhaps music has been the lighter of sorts until a lover of mine comes along to take its place or more accurately stoke the flame.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced something similar like a lover's high? And if not, I truly wish that someday you do as I've also to come to find that it's in those moments where I truly feel most alive, where I truly feel that this is why life is worth staying alive to experience as is.

I was inspired by a post I saw recently that brought up the beauty of having your own place and being able to share that with someone. I think that's something I really want to strive for in my own life as being able to share and experience that with a love of mine honestly seems like a dream.

I imagine nights of soft rain pouring down, a dimly lit space, our souls peering into one another to experience the intoxication of truly knowing the one you love inside and out, all in this one place that from the moment the door closes we become free from the chaos and pain of the world that exists outside of it.

There's no loneliness here. Only our scent, only our touch, only our visage, only our taste, only our voice will remain here in tandem to each other. Perhaps we can put on a song or perhaps I can play you one on my guitar though I won't promise I'll be any good lol. Maybe we can put on something scary and maybe hold one another to remind ourselves that while this may feel like a dream, this is very real, and this is true love. One that has a place of our own to come back to and heal us from the scars that may reopen yet are gently kissed and sewn back closed by the love we share.

In this place, our mutual obsession can blossom into something beautiful to paint the walls with red roses and cover the floors with red velvet. We can fill this place with endless memories, we can become one through a deep bond under this ceiling.

This place can be the fruit of our love that we can take care of and nurture so that we can reap the sweetness of its offerings. A place of our own where between these walls I'll forever be yours and you forever mine

I've never really written my thoughts out like this so it may just come off as a ramble but it feels like lately I've started to realize how obsessive I can truly be when it comes to love. It's like this burning desire to just relinquish and dedicate your all to someone, to take in any and every aspect of another to envelope yourself within their very being mentally, physically, and maybe even spiritually if you believe in that kind of thing

And it's always only been the desire for one, just one person who feels and can give the same. I realize that maybe it can be a lot for someone to handle but wouldn't it feel like heaven?

Two people who are utterly obsessed with one another. Imagine the kind of love a bond like that would give rise to and nurture. Imagine the pure ecstasy you'd feel knowing that when all else fails you'll have that one person to lose yourself within or rather bring out your truest self that may have been hidden that can bring you to a place you may not have even realized you could go

That one person. It feels like they're all I'm missing in life as college is well, money isn't an issue, and I put time into my other interests yet it's like this looming ache in my heart that knows what it wants but it feels impossible to fulfill. It's like I have so much love to give yet no one to give it to. It's like my soul yearns to become intertwined with the soul of another

This feeling, it won't let me give up on love as I know that if the universe were to ever place that one person in my life who feels the same it'd be like pure bliss and perhaps that's the universes way of teaching me patience but so far it's a lesson I don't think I want to learn

So I'm already well aware that this place can pretty much suck more often than not when it comes to meeting people but as the title says, the aurora lights from this projector I bought got me thinking and well I'm feeling a night of deep conversations about life or whatever is anyone else is having a moment of self reflection lol

It doesn't have to go anywhere and I have zero expectations as you can be here tonight (I'm CST) and be gone in the morning as that's just how it goes not that I like it but you know people are people. At least for now tho it's just me in my bed, looking up at these lights, with some strawberry pocky to snack on that I may never buy again unless on impulse so anyone with some thoughts to spill are welcome to tag along

I'm also thinking I'll put a song on, right now the winner is that one french song from Arcane that's been stuck in my head lately but I kinda think it fits but anyway, if interested just message me with your thoughts that can add to the moment rather than drain it as people do have a tendency to be dry lol