Friendship changing as you get older
I’ve been thinking a lot about a childhood friend of mine as I’m getting close to 30. Something feels off in our friendship now.
She seems kind of stuck in the past—she still talks a lot about middle school and people I haven’t thought about in years. It also feels like she hasn’t really worked through her own issues. She often says that everyone is out to get her, and she can be very blunt in a way that feels draining. Conversations with her tend to be very heavy and intense, and she usually wants deep, raw conversations all the time.
I’ve realized I don’t have a lot of time or energy like I used to. I’m married now, I value my alone time, and I’ve grown into someone who needs balance in friendships. We used to be the kind of friends who wouldn’t talk for months and then reconnect, but after I moved, she started calling me every weekend and sometimes multiple times a day.
I used to be the kind of friend who would drop everything for people, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned it’s okay to say no when I’m overwhelmed. I’ve started setting boundaries, but she seems to react badly to them and sometimes makes comments that feel like backstabbing.
It also feels like I’ve grown and she hasn’t. She often repeats the same problems over and over without trying to fix them. It’s like a broken record—same issues, no real change. She seems more interested in venting than actually solving anything, and when I try to offer solutions, she doesn’t really take them in.
Sometimes she talks negatively about other people and seems unhappy in general, but also acts like she understands everyone else’s problems better than they do. It feels very draining.
I don’t know what to do, but I’ve started feeling like she might be a toxic presence in my life. The more I grow, the more I realize the friendship doesn’t feel healthy for me anymore.