u/SignificanceIcy3324

has anyone with male pattern baldness microdosed T and still been able to keep their hair on their head?

im currently a fem presenting person with a buzzcut but my dad is smooth as an egg uptop and it worsened some of his previous body image issues for him. I’m already androgynous so I don’t think I would actually need that much to look more boxy and masculine but I don’t want to feel less like myself if going bald is like going to give me the typical cismale hair dysmorphia (bald phobia?) and make me depressed in some new way. I don’t actually want to be a man Im just an agender really passionate about having beard pimples and manly skin texture. has anyone had any previous success not having to worry about their hairline receding on hrt?

could I avoid going bald all together if I just take a little testosterone and then stop taking it at a good moment, thoughts on this?

Im agender and trying to figure some things out about my name. Right now Im very cis afab looking and I’m thinking of referring to myself by the name Tom since id enjoy presenting more masculine but I’m unsure since I don’t have a gender whatsoever lol

(Vent post!)

(Some of this might not make grammatical or structural sense and I’m too lazy to fix it :) )

1. As a toddler I was always really confused by being asked to wear dresses in a way I couldn’t pinpoint and I didn’t under why the boys in kindergarten wouldn’t play with me because I always felt strongly that we were in the same group the same way I was in the same group as the girls which is to say I was really doing my own inspired agender thing and didn’t realize I didn’t have a binary gender to express like the other girls and boys.

2. Overcompensating for my lack of gender by trying to be hyperfeminine and feeling really sad and anxious that there was something wrong with me. I didn’t feel gender no matter how much I tried to do “girly things” and at best I felt pride that the effort I put in to look like a girl was successful.

3. When I’m asleep I always dream that I don’t have a physical body and I can seamlessly switch between pov of different characters no matter what gender they are. I don’t have any set pronouns when I’m dreaming.

4. Stories about mythical creatures that looked like men and women but were not resonated with me and I always felt secretly ashamed because the creatures in those stories were always evil and I desperately wanted to be good and likeable. 

5. I always felt like there was a gap between my gender and myself and when puberty hit I stopped wanting to go outside after school.

6. My friends and my parents always praised and teased me for being so feminine and the connotation that I was a girl performing femininity never felt right.

7. Masculine fashion was a blessing until I realized I didn’t feel like other binary transmen either. 

8. My name felt and still feels off to this day and I always preferred nicknames before realizing I am agender.

9. Wanting a new name in middle school and asking other middle schoolers for suggestions. Insisting it could be anything but actually meaning not gendered. (This was unsuccessful for me, the only thing I found out is that apparently some slurs are non gender specific lol)

10. Genderless imaginary friends.

11. Constantly feeling like I let everybody around me down despite trying my best to fit their expectation of a person who looks like me is supposed to be like.

12. I’m not like other girls girl phase.

13. Intense discomfort about wearing makeup and feeling guilt and anxiety about being sexist because of it.

14. Happiness from being perceived male while simultaneously knowing in my heart of hearts it doesn’t accurately describe the way I feel.

15. Feeling upset and overwhelmed about non-casual sex no matter how much I crave sex and intimacy from someone, regardless of the other persons own gender or their patience with me. 

16. Feeling so unsure about being bisexual because of how complicated relationships and reciprocation have felt to me because of my gender identity. 

17. Only feeling calm dissociating on my phone when I didn’t have to think about my body so much or walking around alone in the dead of night when my body wouldn’t be visible or perceived by anyone. 

18. Persistent claustrophobic social anxiety.

19. Skin picking from self hatred and constantly scrutinizing myself in the mirror. Trying to catch my body expressing some type of gender if I looked hard enough.

20. My gendered attributes feeling interchangeable apart from arbitrary preferences 

21. Not relating to other gendered enbies but not relating to men or womens gender experiences either.

22. Discomfort in queer spaces when asked about pronouns and being “affirmed” incorrectly as any gender. The first time I was misgendered (gendered at all) by a well intentioned member of my community I was devastated and I didn’t understand why I was having such an intense emotional reaction.

23. Having to respell my agab name even on important documents because it just does feel right.

And ofc most obviously and actually the only thing should matter about any of this

Euphoria from the label agender :)