u/Significant-Metal-1

(Idk if it's they/him [I did some research and it's a one man project. Just for the simplicity I'll reder to rhe band as "them" from now on]) I've seen them blow up like 2 years before, like "Cats are pretty cool", and they had good songs. Some were on my playlist. And from one day to another the songs just vanished. Like gone. From all platforms, spotify, yt music (idk if soundcloud still exists, bc it's not availible in my region). Only remaining evidence that they ever existed is on encyclopedia metallium and bandcamp (I only could find the latest album).

So they just took the music down? Or I've seen a different band with the same name, maybe that band could be ai, and exploited the yt music algorythm? Or just coincidence? Or they eyploited the algorythm, just didn't do it conciously? But that can't be, because then spotify has a better system. Or opposite, they were ai and that's why the music got taken down? But there's plenty of more mainstream ai "artists" that we know right are ai, then why didn't they also got taken down?

So yeah. Pretty little topic, I just find it knteresting, and I'm curious.

(And sorry for typos, not a native.)

I (15M) feel like I lost myself. I feel like I turned into an absurd, rip off, insane parody of myself. A few months ago I figured out that I'm more sensitive to negative stuff, and the positive stuff just doesn't quite reach my brain. And even if it does, it vanishes a couple of minutes after.

Besides this, there are a little bit more things I forget. My girlfrend and my mom said that I might have adhd. I always forgot things. I was forgetful. But not this much. Forgot one or two completely irrelevant things a day. Nowdays I forget countless things that matter, and has been said/happened literally 2 minutes before.

My girlfrend also said, that I often "fall apart". Like I don't know where I am, or what am I doing there. Wich I agree with. When this happens I literally want to be separated from everyone. Just "save and quit to title", come back a week after. Or like turn into a crazy old dude and live in the mountains for a week with no one in contact.

Besides this I don't know why but every interaction I make with people (except for a small circle of people) everyone rejects me. I feel like I just said 2 sentences (like if i'ts a new person I'm socializing with then it's one anwser and a question or something) and I'm already an idiot.

Other things I feel more sensitive for 1: imagery and or 2: thoughts.

For 1, it's like for example: My girlfrend and I watched the Obsession movie. it was like 3/4th of the movie, when I felt like "okay, I'm gonna stand up, go into the kitchen, drink, go out, and just don't come back for another 30 mins" wich is crazy because the amount of gore I've seen in horror movies is like incomparable to this bs. Have you guys heard of "The Void", or "Anihillation"? Yeah I'm thinking of that caliber. Theese had me no reaction. I can still watch them because they are familiar, and I know what happens. But interestingly when I rewatched Anihillation, the part with the bear didn't kick in until it was gone for like 10 mins. I gave it a couple of thoughts and suddenly it was all that was going inside my mind. But still not as crazy as the obsession movie got me.

And for the 2.nd thing: I get intrusive thoughts more often now. Like I'm going to sleep, and then "you got a brain. yea, yea, it just in your head. the thing you're looking out of" and i start feeling this uneasy uncomfortable feeling. It was kinda this way, but only when like some really brutal horror movie was going on. Now it's like almost every second day. Someone suggested that this may be a light panic attack, (or maybe anxiety, i dont know wich they said). And there is a completely new thing wich didn't even exist before. It's almost the exactly same thing as the "brain-y" thing, but with the heart. I often feel it pumping inside me, and even slowing down and speeding up. (like it normally does, (so nothing crazy), but it just freaks me out). And while writing this, I revisited Slipknot's self titled album, and there is a part in scissors, at the beginning. As I heard the lyrics, I immediately started to feel uneasy.

For a softer ending I'm also a drummer, and no matter how much I improve, I'm not satysfied with myself. I always feel like I'm doing the minimum I can do no matter how hard I work. I just can't accept that this is the maximum. Everyone I know says that I'm great and stuff, but for me I think that I'm just the worst metal drummer who ever existed, never ever getting near as good as anybody else.

I (15M) feel like I lost myself. I feel like I turned into an absurd, rip off, insane parody of myself. A few months ago I figured out that I'm more sensitive to negative stuff, and the positive stuff just doesn't quite reach my brain. And even if it does, it vanishes a couple of minutes after.

Besides this, there are a little bit more things I forget. My girlfrend and my mom said that I might have adhd. I always forgot things. I was forgetful. But not this much. Forgot one or two completely irrelevant things a day. Nowdays I forget countless things that matter, and has been said/happened literally 2 minutes before.

My girlfrend also said, that I often "fall apart". Like I don't know where I am, or what am I doing there. Wich I agree with. When this happens I literally want to be separated from everyone. Just "save and quit to title", come back a week after. Or like turn into a crazy old dude and live in the mountains for a week with no one in contact.

Besides this I don't know why but every interaction I make with people (except for a small circle of people) everyone rejects me. I feel like I just said 2 sentences (like if i'ts a new person I'm socializing with then it's one anwser and a question or something) and I'm already an idiot.

Other things I feel more sensitive for 1: imagery and or 2: thoughts.

For 1, it's like for example: My girlfrend and I watched the Obsession movie. it was like 3/4th of the movie, when I felt like "okay, I'm gonna stand up, go into the kitchen, drink, go out, and just don't come back for another 30 mins" wich is crazy because the amount of gore I've seen in horror movies is like incomparable to this bs. Have you guys heard of "The Void", or "Anihillation"? Yeah I'm thinking of that caliber. Theese had me no reaction. I can still watch them because they are familiar, and I know what happens. But interestingly when I rewatched Anihillation, the part with the bear didn't kick in until it was gone for like 10 mins. I gave it a couple of thoughts and suddenly it was all that was going inside my mind. But still not as crazy as the obsession movie got me.

And for the 2.nd thing: I get intrusive thoughts more often now. Like I'm going to sleep, and then "you got a brain. yea, yea, it just in your head. the thing you're looking out of" and i start feeling this uneasy uncomfortable feeling. It was kinda this way, but only when like some really brutal horror movie was going on. Now it's like almost every second day. Someone suggested that this may be a light panic attack, (or maybe anxiety, i dont know wich they said). And there is a completely new thing wich didn't even exist before. It's almost the exactly same thing as the "brain-y" thing, but with the heart. I often feel it pumping inside me, and even slowing down and speeding up. (like it normally does, (so not crazy cardiological anomalies like 60 to 120 bpm in 10 seconds), but it just freaks me out). And while writing this, I revisited Slipknot's self titled album, and there is a part in scissors, at the beginning, wich is about "doing unprofessional cardiologic intervention on self". As I heard the lyrics, I immediately started to feel uneasy.

(It was really hard for me to write that section without taking breaks, and I think there is enough nsfw stuff that just needed to be explained, so I'll just put the tag on)

For a softer ending I'm also a drummer, and no matter how much I improve, I'm not satysfied with myself. I always feel like I'm doing the minimum I can do no matter how hard I work. I just can't accept that this is the maximum. Everyone I know says that I'm great and stuff, but for me I think that I'm just the worst metal drummer who ever existed, never ever getting near as good as anybody else.

Hi!

By the way I'm using an alt account, because I feel safer this way.

So I(15M) often seek help and ask questions, or just contribute online (here on reddit, or just forums/group chats) in various themes (tech, music etc.), and also in person. I often feel annoying. I often feel like I'm too much. I feel misunderstood, and stupid. I try to be as polite, well researched and friendly as possible. The maximum that I got is that I made like three people laugh. That's the best I could do. Other than that, the default reaction that I get is hate. The best that I usually can do is getting ignored.

I've got a friend group, that is pretty close to me. We share humour style, and we have similar personalities. And they don't get the hate. they don't understand why I get it neither. We are like highscoolers (I don't know the equivalent, I'm not American), so they are witnesses of this.

Every day that I live I feel like I should be another person. Just go on with my close relationships (friends, girlfriend, family) and just throw away what is left from my life (basically the whole world except the ones mentioned before).

Also I'm quite irritable theese days. Like I want to cry about the smallest "well, it didn't go the way I expected" things that happen to me.

And guessed it. I don't know how to cry. I could do it, but now, I can't.

Hi!

By the way I'm using an alt account, because I feel safer this way.

So I(15M) often seek help and ask questions, or just contribute online (here on reddit, or just forums/group chats) in various themes (tech, music etc.), and also in person. I often feel annoying. I often feel like I'm too much. I feel misunderstood, and stupid. I try to be as polite, well researched and friendly as possible. The maximum that I got is that I made like three people laugh. That's the best I could do. Other than that, the default reaction that I get is hate. The best that I usually can do is getting ignored.

I've got a friend group, that is pretty close to me. We share humour style, and we have similar personalities. And they don't get the hate. they don't understand why I get it neither. We are like highscoolers (I don't know the equivalent, I'm not American), so they are witnesses of this.

Every day that I live I feel like I should be another person. Just go on with my close relationships (friends, girlfriend, family) and just throw away what is left from my life (basically the whole world except the ones mentioned before).

Also I'm quite irritable theese days. Like I want to cry about the smallest "well, it didn't go the way I expected" things that happen to me.

And guessed it. I don't know how to cry. I could do it, but now, I can't.