u/Significant_Ask_2628

TLDR: communication issues in 8 month long relationship lead to escalation and break up threats

I've been with partner for nearly 8 months and at it's best, it's the nicest relationship either of us have ever had. I love her. We spend most of our weeks together, often cooking and drinking and watching films and have gone on great holidays.

I am not the best at communicating, I'm very introverted and quiet, and regulate emotions through space a lot of the time, find it difficult to verbalise how I'm feeling. Even i find it annoying and restraining. A few months in, she had a bad day at work and it just so happened for that one day I hadn't texted her asking how she was. Later on, she was very upset that I hadn't, because it turned out she'd had a bad day and needed some reassurance from me. She'd expected me to come meet her, though she hadn't explicitly asked me to, and called me up very angry. Another time, she was very stressed out by work and I told her she'd be okay and tried to reassure her, but she got very upset that I hadn't reassured her warmly enough and in the way she wanted and that she didn't feel close enough to me. Another time, seemingly out of nowhere, she confronted me saying I didn't do enough for her in general or meet her expectations of romance, even though I do my best to be physically affectionate with her, cook for her and help her around the house and go on holidays and dates with her - while working an intense hospital job and feeling burned out a lot of the time. Another time, I had plans to meet a close friend for coffee and she was upset I chose that over going on a date with her, despite making the plan already, she took it as evidence that I didn't care enough for her and didn't want to spend time with her, despite hanging out usually 5/7 days a week. She then explained it was less about me meeting my friend and more that she doesn't feel cared for enough by me. Another time it was my best friend's birthday and i wanted to stay a bit longer while she went home, and she got extremely upset that I chose to stay and didn't immediately text her hope you get home safe, taking it as a sign I didn't want to be with her or hang out. There are several other examples, and most of the times, she threatens to break up, and once i apologise, it goes back to normal. It leaves me feeling quite drained and anxious that I'm going to slip up again and lead to another argument after i've had a nice time.

This exact pattern has come up so frequently that I understand i could communicate better and more clearly, but I always end up doing something wrong unintentionally and she takes it as a sign I'm not there for her. I'm worried the pattern will just keep going no matter how harder I try at it, what would be a good course of action?

I got a CD copy of the new record from a signing event and have been listening intently

Firstly, I love the expanded sonic palette of the album compared to Reset. That album nicely married the textures of vintage pop with electronic sound fx and synths, with relatively dry production, whereas A?OW hits you with harps, steel drums, orchestral strings, live guitars, organs, police sirens and formula 1 race car sounds. It's a very lush listen, with instrumentals that shift and change a lot more over the course of the songs. There's some incredible production - *VERY* 60s pop rock, Phil Spector-adjacent - which means deeper drums, more echo, wider vistas of sound with a lot of interlocking parts and details. Also, no sampled music on this album anywhere, all the loops were created from scratch.

Also, Panda Bear's vocals are maybe at their most dynamic here- whether it's the very thin and soft raspy vocal on 'Never givin' in', the MPP style choral vocals on 'Lucky Charm', the rarely used single-track voice on 'Somethin' that lasts', or the low register sassy delivery on 'Graveyard'. The melodies themselves are typical Panda - super catchy, sugary, timeless-sounding. Not quite as interesting to me as on 'Sinister Grift', probably due to how simplistic and looping the chord progressions are here. 'Lucky charm' ends up sounding a lot like a psychedelic christmas carol. In all his songs on this record, the blunter, more upfront lyrics are most similar to Sinister Grift's.

I think 'Revive him' is the first genuinely great track, has such an authentic 60s pop sound with the timpani's and plate reverb. 'A ? of WHEN' is just really fun, sunshiney bubblegum pop you can dance to. 'Pray to You' is a surprising one where i'm not sure we've heard a Panda song like this - basically a soft ballad with just stark acoustic rhythm guitar with a sweeping STRING SECTION which sounds great. And it features an *especially* moving chorus melody from Panda. Then 'Graveyard' is a true banger - so infections and catchy. It has one of the better beats on the album, a great organ melody, and has these sassy verses which lead into panoramic harmony bliss choruses. It's very repetitive but to me it just builds the hype and escalation as it goes on.

I wasn't as much of a fan as 'Something like dreaming', despite how well they cultivate a lethargic, hazy atmosphere. It drags a little for me, and the vocals from Sonic Boom just lack a little, compared to how expressive Panda's are. 'Like a moth to a flame' feels a little redundant coming soon after 'Pray to you' which seems to have the same chord progression and pretty similar melodies. Though it's still all so well produced and detailed, even the weaker tracks to me still can be enjoyed.

Favourites: Revive Him, A? of WHEN, Pray to you, Somethin' that lasts, Graveyard.

Not as into: Something like dreaming, Be the bridge, like a moth to a flame