u/Significant_Storm756

warning: sexual assault/rape mentioned

i know going on reddit isn’t the brightest idea but i’m kind of stuck and i just need anything rn.

i’ve been struggling to understand if this is rape or if i should call it that.. i’ll try and keep this short

first incident:

my ex and i (boyfriend then but ex now) were intimate. prior to doing stuff i had already set my boundaries about certain things i wasn’t into. as we’re doing stuff, without telling me he uses a toy i have and inserts it somewhere.. and i immediately say no and move my hand back but i feel stuck/frozen. he kept going and i forcefully had to pull away.

this memory slipped my mind until i told my best friend and she told me that was assault.

second incident:

same individual, we were at his parents and again getting intimate. as he’s putting it in i move away from him and tell him it hurts.. his response being “relax you’re just running from it” and pulls me back and keeps going.. but again i just let him ?? it’s like i wasn’t there. so i blamed myself, i told myself to endure it and i couldn’t and was bleeding but assumed it was my period since it was due the next day.

in other situations he’s ignored me telling him no to sexual pda..

and yes ik “why would you stay with him ?”

because i wasn’t young, naive, and had a rough home life and didn’t know what it was like to be valued as a person.

i also blocked out all the situations, not by choice. they didn’t come back until we broke up and i got to talk to someone and my doctor.. as well as a therapist.

i just don’t know if im being dramatic. i mean if someone else told me all this, i would tell them it was rape.. but what if i’m just crazy ?