24F, 29M Would you say yes in my situation?
I’m 24, turning 25 soon. My family recently brought me a marriage proposal. The guy is 29, and honestly, on paper he seems like a really good match good family, educated, settled, good social background, His family also liked me and wants to move forward.
The problem is that I genuinely don’t feel ready for marriage. I’ve recently come out of a 10-year relationship which was emotionally very difficult and toxic. My mother and masi knows about it, but they don’t really understand the concept of me needing time to recover from it. All my life i have lived with my family and now working remotely, and I feel like I haven’t really experienced my own life yet. I want to pursue higher education, become more independent, travel, experience things, and simply have some time where I’m not someone’s daughter/girlfriend/wife.
The guy wants to get married by 2027 because he’s planning to move abroad and doesn’t want to delay marriage much. I met him once and he seemed nice, but I also got the impression that he’s fairly traditional. His family also asked me the usual questions about cooking, sarees, etc., which made me wonder whether their expectations of a daughter-in-law would actually fit with who I am. I’m not very traditional and I don’t want a marriage where I’m expected to adjust to everything or follow conventional gender roles.
There’s also a major issue I haven’t told him about my 10-year relationship yet. I don’t want to lie to him, and I feel he should know. But my family is strongly against me telling him. They think he’ll reject me, tell his family, and because we live in a close-knit community, it will become gossip and damage my reputation in the society and they said “a guy this good isn’t worth losing over your past.” I understand their concern, but I cant hide this from him. Also he didn’t have any gf in past and i wanted someone who have at least been in one serious relationship to better understand me as a person and my past. And honestly, even if he accepts everything about me, I still don’t know if I want to marry next year.
I told the guy that I want to study further and that I’m not a very traditional person. He seemed okay with it, but one conversation obviously isn’t enough to know someone’s actual mindset. I want to talk to him properly before any rituals and also tell him the truth but his family was skeptical of letting us talk before any rituals.
Everyone keeps telling me that I’m lucky to have found such a good proposal and that I might regret saying no because I may not find someone like him again. And I understand that fear. But another part of me is terrified that I’ll say yes because of pressure and then spend the entire marriage thinking, “I wasn’t ready. I gave up my chance to live my life.”
I also feel guilty and very scared because I’m generally someone who puts my family’s happiness before my own. Saying no would create a lot of conflict and hate and my parents also have to hear so much from my family members because of me and everyone will hate me.