u/Silent_Most6333

No seriously, how dumb can a person be?

Three days.

That’s all it took.

Three days for my heart to start recognizing someone’s notifications like they were sunlight slipping through a locked room. Three days to start rereading messages, analyzing tones, waiting a little too eagerly for replies. Haven't even seen him irl. Never experienced any kind of love till date. Ppl have always treated me like I'm something disposable.

And then I ruined it by speaking.

Maybe silence would've let me keep the illusion a little longer. Maybe if I had just stayed “a friend,” I could’ve kept those tiny moments without turning them into something heavier.

It’s funny how the human brain works.
Give a lonely person a little warmth and watch them build a home out of it.

I keep asking myself:
How embarrassing do you have to be to fall this fast?
How deprived do you have to be for kindness to feel like destiny?

The worst part is he wasn’t even cruel.
Cruelty would’ve been easier to hate.

Instead, he was gentle.
And somehow that hurts more.

Idk how to deal with ts. Why am I like this? I was never supposed to fall in love. I knew no one's ever gonna love me back cuz of how ugly and dumb I am. Why did I spend the whole night crying over him? How bad does life get before it starts getting a lil better?

I got a 8/7/9 bba , gen female profile. Been prepping for cat since fybba.
Do I stand a chance of getting into an IIM.
(Ik abc's impossible. But any other good iims?)

How do I begin CAT prep from fy bba?
Ik it may be to early. But getting into a top b school is the only way outa this prison.

I still have 2 months b4 uni starts. I'm gonna try and complete fy and some sy syllabus b4 July so that I can focus on cat prep.

Or should I just go for a tab for making notes?

Is waiting to be loved and cared by someone who won't leave you broken in the end worth? Not just romantic relationships (never been in one, don't think anyone will ever wanna be with me).. any kinda relationship.. Do you actually feel loved at some point in life? Is it worth the wait?

Idk if it sounds ..idk... attention seeking (?) . I've never been vocal about my feelings until how good all the support I got on reddit made me feel. The only human interactions (the ones which make you believe that a tiny bit of humanity does exsist) I have are on this app.

I'm not a complete saint ig. I've lied to my friends (to protect one of my other friend's identity) and lost em all . It just feels damn lonely when it's just me , my thoughts and insecurities.

Siri gets active on saying "hey Siri" but won't respond to anything further. iPhone 15 btw

Is it normal for parents to call you "ugly" "worthless" etc?
I've always tried to be the child they'd be proud of. Never asked them for anything (not even smth as basic as a packet of chips). But they just don't seem satisfied. No matter what I do, no matter how I try I get called names. Ion even fight back now, never did. I always feel like I'm overreacting and that all of this is normal. Sh is the only way out. Don't have any friends. I'm dependent on chatGPT like it's oxygen.

Been diagnosed with ptsd cuz of past sa experiences. Anxiety , anorexia and bdd too. Maybe if I were prettier, louder, funnier, taller, less emotional
they'd have loved me more

Even breadcrumbs of love care and affection sound like a luxury I can't afford.

So ..I got in (Round 1).
Need a bit info about the timings cuz I need to plan how to commute daily.

\~18F. Got no friends well.. cuz I lost them while tryna save my bsf.

TL;DR: Introvert girl befriends a traumatized classmate who develops feelings for her and frequently threatens suicide. During one crisis call, terrified of losing her, OP lies and says she likes her back just to keep her alive — but that decision ends up making everything much worse.

All of this began when I joined my all girls jr college. Was in an all girls school earlier. Being an introvert, I never talked to ppl first and spoke very little when talked to. I eventually made a friend in college.. let's call her apple (apart from 2 from my school who were in the same college) . I've been nth but kind towards this girl. We met during admission when I lit scanned uploaded every doc of hers on the clg site cuz she wasn't able to. I'm the kinda person who's (was ig) willing to do anything and everything I can to help ppl.

Skip to a few days since college started. She introduced me to her friend (let's call her orange 😭) who was from her school. And we instantly connected cuz we had similar interests. A few months later , me and orange got so close that one day she vented about all the trauma she had . Her parents were abusive , on the verge of divorce cuz both of them had affairs going on, they weren't in a good state financially and an uncle of hers used to send her dirty texts. I just felt really bad for her and I told her that I'll be there for her whenever she needs. On reaching home the same day, bro texts me saying that there's one thing she didn't tell me earlier and that was that she's bi and ..well likes me.
I was freaking out internally but I decided to play cool and said "ion have any problem with that. I'm the last person who'll judge you for being you but I js can't reciprocate what you feel".

We shut that topic and never talked about it . There were a few instances where she used to say that she's gonna end it all . I used to panic . I used to try calling her even when my parents kept yelling at me to keep the phone aside. And she'd never pickup. She'd text me saying sorry ghanto baad.(all this happened around diwali 2024)

Time skip to December. Around 24th afternoon if I ain't wrong.
She called me and says that she's ending it all. Cuz Everyone hates her, she's someone who doesn't deserve love and so on.. and bro hangs up the call.
And me being the smart person I am (no sarcasm at all🙃) , I texted her back saying " please don't do anything..I've actually been waiting to tell you smth ..I like you too .. didn't say earlier cuz I was scared"

Will continue in part 2 if anyone's interested in it
PS :it gets worse.

like , are there any cases of bullying / ragging ?
Is the crowd decent for girls??

Created a fake profile on ig today.. cuz I'm not allowed to create a real one.. deleted it immediately..
Saw all my school friends' accounts.. all of them going out , having fun, having guy friends , going to cafes and js enjoying life.
Here I'm crying over my mom harassing me... don't have enough guts to ask for a single pack of chips or smth. Being called "ugly", "worthless" , etc. by my own parents.. and maybe I am the things they say. I'm at a point where even breadcrumbs of love , care and affection sound like a luxury.
I've become so damn introverted and shy that I can't even talk to my relatives. And that's why everyone thinks I'm arrogant.

I might get to experience some of it later ..but I'll never be this young , naive, dumb and 17 again

What made you do that? Are you okay now?

You can vent openly.
And damn you're so strong <3

Only ik how many times I've kissed hugged myself to calm down, petted my own head, stuffed my hand into my mouth while crying..so that my parents don't listen . I have this group of friends in my head.. they're the best..I have a boyfriend too .. they at least don't judge me for who I am

Is that weird or attention seeking?