u/SilverEmily

(This is mostly a vent!) I'm sure I'm not alone in seeing the widespread discourse online around the need to raise better sons. I am absolutely on board, as the nonbinary birthing parent of a boy child, and to be quite honest when I found out I was having a boy, it was one of my biggest fears - how do I raise a boy (especially a boy who, while Jewish, will be read solely as white by most people) who does not see himself as the only and most important center of the universe? How do I raise a boy to steer clear of the toxic messaging that's all around us? I saw a journalist I like named Stephanie McNeal write that she worries about her daughter's safety, but she worries about her son's soul, and that was exactly why I felt so daunted by the idea of raising a boy.

But anyway, I have a boy, I'm pregnant again right now, and the Cornell 7 case and the following discourse has been raising that periodic notion online of how parents are responsible for raising better sons. Except...the discourse ACTUALLY seems to be about how MOTHERS are responsible for raising better sons. And it's driving me a little bonkers--somehow it's women's fault, mothers' fault, that their sons are raping people? It's not men's fault at all? Not dads' fault? Somehow women are responsible for rape culture? Fascinating!

Anyway - just curious whether other people are tearing their hair out a little bit about this while also feeling like yes, of COURSE we are responsible for raising our boys to be better and to respect girls and women and other people's bodily autonomy. My frustration doesn't diminish my sense of responsibility, but it's just infuriating how this is somehow again on us.

TL;DR: My toddler's been sleeping in a too-tight-on-the-feet NyteNyte sleep sack for two months now (it was a little tight on the feet from the start), and I'm worried that it's the cause of his new pronation and toe curling while walking. Spiraling a bit that I've caused some sort of permanent damage.

Slightly longer version:

Okay so the background to this is that my toddler has been in PT for about a year now because he had some gross motor skill delays. He's walking perfectly well now, and can go quite fast, but he's not jumping or technically running yet (as in, he doesn't have both feet off the ground at any point when going fast). A couple weeks ago he hurt his toe right before bed and recovered quickly but then he started limping the next morning and sort of curling his big toe in while he walked. We went to urgent care, got an x-ray, no break but they still recommended we go to see a pediatric orthopedist, so we did, and she said he looked fine to her and that his gait seemed like normal toddler gait. She also reassured us that often when toddlers hurt their feet they're sort of protective of the area for a while and can be ginger about it not because it still hurts even but because of the memory of the pain.

During our next session with our PT and she notices (and I'd been noticing too) that my kiddo is pronating more than he used to with the foot that was hurt. But okay, that was just a couple days later, so still protective etc. But then the next appointment which was a week+ later, she still noticed it and I've been noticing it at home too. The pronating and the toe-curling. In both feet now, not just the one that was hurt.

This morning I realized that my kiddo's wearable sleep-sack, which has those fold-over feet to it, has been tight on his feet since we bought it because he's sort of a long kiddo. It never seemed to bother him and still doesn't, but I realize that this means his feet and toes are curled a bit inside those feet and that he's been sleeping like that for weeks now and I'm worried that I've really fucked up and caused permanent foot damage or something to his growth???

For context, I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which is a genetic connective tissue disorder. We don't know yet if he has it (toddlers are so often hypermobile anyway and also there isn't like a blood test or whatever for the type of EDS I have so we can't check) but he might, and I'm not sure how or whether that could affect something like this.

Anyway, need some talking down if anyone has the spoons or knowledge or experience with anything similar!