r/progressivemoms

In 2004, researchers in New York invited hundreds of mothers and their 3-year-olds into a lab to read books and build with blocks while a camera rolled. Coders scored every session for warmth, encouragement and support, and for harshness and intrusiveness. Then the team kept coming back. Over the next 15 years they recorded the brain activity of 465 of those children at ages 9, 12, 15 and 18, focusing on one signal that earlier research has tied to depression. The question was whether a few lab games at age 3 could say anything about how positive parenting shows up in a teenager’s brain.

My kid is 3.5. She’s only watched 3 other movies in her life and is currently Frozen obsessed (Totoro and Ponyo being the others), so when another preschool friend said how much they loved The Little Mermaid, I obliged her request to watch.

Yiiiiiiikes. I remember LOVING this movie.

We had a long conversation after about the reasons I didn’t like the movie and don’t want to watch it again. How I didn’t like that Ariel was elevated for being helpless and pretty and somehow that made a prince fall in love with her. I talked about how the expectations for girls have changed a lot since when this was made, and how lucky my kid is to be able to be loud without anyone ever expecting her to look a certain way, and how finding a prince to kiss isn’t the end game for happiness. We compared it to frozen, where the whole takeaway to me is “no man will save you / you’re in charge of saving yourself and caring for the women around you”.

My husband definitely thought I over did it. Do I just need to avoid all pre-2000’s Disney!?

I feel like there’s probably some crossover demographic here, haha. I am an OG Bernie girl, I was at his rallies back in 2016. I am very progressive, Free Palestine, “the children are always ours” girl/mom.

Really this is more of a vent about the demand for liberal perfectionism. I do not understand why ACOTAR criticism is rivaling JKR criticism online, when JKR (a huge heartbreak for me btw) is actively causing harm, versus SJM used to post for liberal causes and after being scrutinized and nitpicked and criticized basically went off the grid completely. I feel like the demands on her (as someone who myself works in licensing and entertainment) are just totally unrealistic and frankly unfair.

I just feel like it’s a perfect case study for like “you need to be a perfect liberal all the time or else you are not a liberal.” Like all of it — misreading her characters, misunderstanding the story, bashing her for selling at Target, like Jesus idk, it all feels very toxic and like misplaced rage?

I have 4 kids. 17,11,10, and 7(8 next month). This doesn't have to do with my 17 year old majority of her friends and including herself are LGBTQ+. I don't allow the word "hate" in my house. You are not allowed to say you hate someone unless they have really really hurt you. I have raised my kids to think hate as a noun or a verb is one of the worst things you can say/do/be. I was in the car and my phone connected to the speaker. My podcast started playing and the one host joked that the other host said something so dumb she was now homophobic(she is straight he is gay, they both come from Broadway she is 100% not homophobic). My 10 year old asked me what that word meant so I told her the truth. My 3 kids laughed at me and said "ok ok what does it really mean". They straight up don't believe me that anyone could be homophobic or transphobic. They can't wrap their minds around someone hating someone or a group of people for something that seems so silly to them. I tried to explain how people get that way and I brought up religion (we don't go to church but my youngest somehow is very religious in a way he loves Jesus a lot) my youngest piped up and said that can't be truthful because Jesus loves everyone. I explained that some people think it's a mental illness which my youngest said that can't be true because mental illness has to do with your brain and who you choose to love has to do with your heart. When my daughter asked what trans was I explained. She started crying saying if she woke up and was in her brother's body she would be miserable because she loves being a girl. I explained further how you transition and she got so happy and thankful that if you are trans you can be exactly who you are and she thinks that's amazing. It's been over a year since this initial convo and they still make fun of me and mock me for trying to make them understand there are people out there who hate others for just being who they are. I'm proud they are so progressive but I'm worried that they aren't getting a clear picture of the types of people they will run into when they get older. We do live in small town Indiana and my in laws are very conservative, however my daughter has a different dad and he is super progressive and her uncle is also gay although she doesn't know, he hasn't told her and that's definitely not my place to tell her.

How do you guys handle these topics? My kids are all mixed black and white and they understand racism,sexism all that but they just think homophobia and transphobia are completely made up. I want them to know that hate exists so when they see it happening they can speak up and help or protect the person who is being harassed.

I imagine the answer to this question is yes, but it is so incredibly frustrating. Two friends, both moms, and we share so many similar concerns. One is always concerned about money. She has spent the better part of over a decade working overtime to pay off her and her husband's student loan debt and the cost of fertility treatments. She is always stretched thin. When we talk politics, she'll bring up what Governors are offering in other states. For instance, she asked me what I thought about a no property tax in Florida. I then shared what happened when Kansas did that and how it created a huge budget shortfall. I also mentioned how the insurers have pulled out of the housing market in Florida. She recently brought up moving back to NY state because of something Hochul was offering (I can't remember what it was offhand). Needless to say, she'll talk about these types of big issues and then ask me about how her state plans to teach about the LGBTQIA+ community as part of their curriculum in kindergarten. And I just do a faceplant. I have shared with her what I tell my oldest. And it's the basics right now. ​

The other friend is one who I met at a previous job. We work in early intervention so we depend on funds from the stare. Again, we have so many similar takes on things, but it seems to be more of an identity issue with her.

They are both so weary of Democratic candidates, one much more so than the other. Which, to be fair, I get. But at the same time, they are worried about the DSA part of the party. I'm like, you have spent your entire lives under a Republican/Centrist agenda. And these are the individuals who worry you?

It just feels like people are tied to the parties as if they are sports teams. And their parents introduced to them to the "home team" and they can't break away.

The other day we were at the park with some friends and a black man walked by on the foot path next to us and my daughter says "Mom that guy has black skin". Just in a tone that was more making an observation than anything else. "Mom the sky is blue, mom the grass is green, mom that person has black skin". He probably didn't even hear her because he had his headphones on. I told my daughter something to the effect of "Yeah, he does, people come in all kinds of colors".

I feel like that answer is fine and anything more would have been verging on a performative after school special. We have discussions on race at home. She knows that every person is equal and worthy of respect and love.

It's not different from how I would have talked about a kid having two moms at the park. My daughter made a friend and while they were playing she told me "Mom, you should meet her mom. Well I think she has two" (the mom was sitting on a bench w another woman). The other girl goes "No I have one mom." And I say to my daughter "No she has just one mom but it would be okay if she had two".

I guess I'm just asking; as a white, cis mom are these short, quick, not in depth answers in the moment okay. Whenever I do anything more I feel like I am making a stranger's existence into a life lesson for my child, which feels uncomfortable. Let me know what you think.

I just learned that schools in my city might be (not exclusively but still) abstinence-based, totally omit LGBTQ or reproductive health. The only thing required besides basic biology is HIV/AIDS awareness. I live in a deep blue city and state but the material is just old/unupdated, so even that was progressive…20 years ago.

(This is mostly a vent!) I'm sure I'm not alone in seeing the widespread discourse online around the need to raise better sons. I am absolutely on board, as the nonbinary birthing parent of a boy child, and to be quite honest when I found out I was having a boy, it was one of my biggest fears - how do I raise a boy (especially a boy who, while Jewish, will be read solely as white by most people) who does not see himself as the only and most important center of the universe? How do I raise a boy to steer clear of the toxic messaging that's all around us? I saw a journalist I like named Stephanie McNeal write that she worries about her daughter's safety, but she worries about her son's soul, and that was exactly why I felt so daunted by the idea of raising a boy.

But anyway, I have a boy, I'm pregnant again right now, and the Cornell 7 case and the following discourse has been raising that periodic notion online of how parents are responsible for raising better sons. Except...the discourse ACTUALLY seems to be about how MOTHERS are responsible for raising better sons. And it's driving me a little bonkers--somehow it's women's fault, mothers' fault, that their sons are raping people? It's not men's fault at all? Not dads' fault? Somehow women are responsible for rape culture? Fascinating!

Anyway - just curious whether other people are tearing their hair out a little bit about this while also feeling like yes, of COURSE we are responsible for raising our boys to be better and to respect girls and women and other people's bodily autonomy. My frustration doesn't diminish my sense of responsibility, but it's just infuriating how this is somehow again on us.

I live in Idaho and we have big abortion legislation coming up on our ballot that would restore access until viability. I went to the farmer's market this morning and a woman and her camera man were interviewing people about their vote. I've been wanting to share my view lately and so I volunteered to be interviewed.

I think it went well. There's definitely things I should have said but didn't and things I wish I could have clarified better and things I wish I could have called the interviewer on (she was asking very biased questions). I am having INTENSE anxiety about the whole thing. I have no idea who they were or if they were with any official news source or whatever so I don't know where to find the video if they use my interview and I'm glad I can't. I don't think I could handle seeing what people think of me.

I defended the right to abortion and bodily autonomy and talked about how politicians should be nowhere near these medical decisions. She brought up late term abortion and personhood and compared abortion to slavery somehow but I kept my cool I think. I just keep running through the discussion in my head and wishing I could have done things differently.

Anyone else done something like this they regret? any advice? how'd it work out?

The US Midterms are on Nov. 3rd and many wonderful Progressive candidates are up for election! Please share a progressive candidate you support and think others should know about. Make sure to include all relevant info like where they are running, anything interesting about the race they are in, and their website or social media.