r/progressivemoms

A reel popped up in my feed the other day, my cousin has liked a reel that was a woman saying “I love my babies so much that I chose not to bring them into this garbage world” or something along those lines. These sorts of things always hit me hard. I get it. And my husband and I spent a long time going back and forth about having a child before we decided to go for it. But every time I see an argument like this it sends me spiraling because the world is just so fucked up, and we have a small family. I cry thinking about what world my son might be dealing with, potentially by himself. Anyone else struggle with this? :(

After covid lockdown my kids had a really hard time going back to public school to the point we couldn't get them inside the building. I happened to have retired from the military shortly before that so decided to homeschool. It wasn't easy but they really thrived in that kind of learning environment and having those years to bond felt amazing. Over the summer we all decided it's time for them to go back to regular school. Today was my oldest's high school orientation and by the end I was absolutely sobbing.

They're a typical teenager with a matching attitude. Most days are fine but lord when they're stressed the gloves come off. While they have good social skills they don't particularly like to stand out. I, on the other hand, am tall with pink hair and definitely stick out. This obviously bothers them and they really let me know it today. Everything I said or did was a major problem, and they kept asking why their other mom couldn't have gone with them instead (she was at our youngest's orientation). I guess despite the tattoos and piercings she's the normal one. I was told about all the things they don't like about themselves and why couldn't they have just gotten the better genes from her instead.

It was absolutely relentless. When we got home I broke down crying. I spent so much of my life as a wallflower and it took forever to develop the confidence to be different. I fully get that the transition back to public school is stressful and teenage hormones are a mfer but it really freaking hurt. My wife talked to them about everything because I just couldn't.

I guess I'm not really looking for anything by posting this. I just needed to vent.

Anyone else in a deep red area choosing to homeschool to escape the MAGA crowd? I feel like it’s the opposite of what homeschooling used to be, but my kid is neurospicy and our rural schools are full on Christian National Training Centers so like… I gotta do what I gotta do, ya know?

My son just started school in a fairly rich and likely maga neigh hood. A lot of our state is, anyways. I’d love any tips on navigating friendships, play dates, etc. we’re never done playdates with parents we didn’t vibe with, but as he gets older it’s going to be a lot harder to gauge family politics, and in general, dropping my kid off at someone’s home feels super sketch. What age is this appropriate?

Looking for feedback on if I should be changing my behavior or my perspective on my relationship with my MIL. We have always been close and have had a good friendship outside of family life. I feel like things have maybe shifted now that my husband and I have two young children. I'm likely reading into things, but the vibe I get is that my MIL somehow resents me or feels odd now that I am the "mom". I'll try to provide some context / examples.

She is the quintessential matriarch - my in laws are wealthy and have beautiful homes that we spend a good amount of time at with them so I feel like she is possibly used to dictating things / expecting her children around her. In general she makes off putting comments that are always excused with the vibe of "LOL we are just drinking / hanging out / I just say what I think". She hasn't really ever been called out or kept in check as my FIL wouldn't say anything to her and a decent amount of friendships have fizzled out over the years. It's gotten more exhausting now that childrearing is in the mix. She makes comments like "I'm just going to teach child X to do this thing when we are all together, its time they learned" or "I'm going to pop by at some point tomorrow to say hi and I can take daughter out". The vibe is very "I will do this" vs. "Is this okay?". She also loves to push boundaries because they merely exist, such as sunscreen or rear-facing car seats. Once we were on the boat and she had some wine and was jokingly splashing my daughters sunscreen off as I was putting it on. The vibe is basically needing to challenge boundaries because I created them and feeling like she "knows" better (even though I'm sure she had these same boundaries for her kids).

It feels like she loves me and wants to help, but also resents me and thinks we live a privileged life compared to her when she was raising her kids before my FIL did well. Which we do, but we had kids 8 years after her and both work. I just feel like I am always walking a tightrope. If she doesn't see the kids enough it's "I haven't seen them in two weeks, I need to pop by", but if we are up there for a full weekend I can sometimes feel like she thinks I'm taking advantage of her watching them even though she offers and tells me to relax. There's also this weird SAHM vs. working mom dynamic. She makes comments that indicate I have a career for fun, which LOL do you think your son can float our lifestyle in this economy alone?

It recently came to a head when we were in a childcare pickle. And to be fair, she always will watch them for a few hours if we have drs appts or something going on. She has always said "I want to watch them, I want to help however you need, etc" but my intuition has felt like it's more about when it works for her so I don't want to push too hard. We asked if she would be interested in providing part time coverage for a month and she was clearly not into it and even made a joke that she would be my butler. She ultimately said she "wanted to" but it feels awkward now.

IDK, this is hardly anything noteworthy compared to some of the MIL horror stories. It's just my internal feelings are always swaying back and forth between gratitude and resentment. I feel like if she just straight up didn't want to be involved in helping it would be easier - it's the constant comments and trying to read her mood and feeling like I'm never sure where I stand that is so tiring, especially because my own family is so far away. It's also so subtle and hard to put into words, and at the end of the day we can rely on her if we need to. Should I just learn to toughen my shell and not stress?

I have a 5 year old who will not sucking her thumb. People said she'd grow out of it, and she has not. We tried the gross nail polish and she got used to the taste. And after the nail polish time it got worse. She was getting so good at not sucking all the time, and mostly just at bed time. But it's back to being ALL THE TIME.

I'm at my wits end.

I've had people suggest getting her something else to chew or suck on instead, but that seems unhelpful in the long term?? Is there super-strength bitter nail polish? Should I duct tape at mitten to her hand so she won't do it? (For legal purposes - I obviously will not do this - haha.)

She's starting kindergarten and I just want her to be done. But I also understand that part of the time she does it to self-soothe (the other part is habit). So taking it away seems harsh without replacing it with another coping mechanism??

Baby turns 2 next week and she is hyper vocal and understands a lot. As a part of building routines before too much push back comes in, what are some daily or weekly chores the little can help with? How did you track or establish these?

We have a magnet chart thing and she will be potty training next week too (hopefully) so I don't want to spring too much too fast, but I also don't think general chores should be explicitly rewarded with treats. She's a part of the household and these tasks need to get done, it gives her some independence and responsibility. So, what things have you started tasking your 2-3 year old with?

My ideas

• cleaning up her toys before bed every night
• unpacking her backpack and dumping old food out
• she can't reach her clothing drawers or I would have her put clothes away. I could have her pick out all her clothes on Sunday for the week?
• getting her craft items like crayons in the right place
• putting everyone's shoes where they go

other ideas? we will do treats for healthy habits like teeth brushing, potty, finishing her dinner plate but some of these just need to be ingraned. any tips, tricks and suggestions about how to teach and pull it off is welcome! she loves Elmo and Daniel tiger and bluey if there are chore episodes as well.

My kiddo has started waking up around 5:30/6 for the past week or so. On his days where he does this, I end up putting g him to bed around 6:30/7 pm because of how tired and cranky he is. How do I start shifting it to where he goes back to waking up around 7 or 8? Before this started, he’d go to bed before 8 pm and wake up around 7/8, depending on the day. When he was younger get, he’d even wake up around 9/9:30!! Those were the days lol.

This Lindsey Clancy case is proof of it. The amount of women who are still devoid of empathy about this, despite the harrowing evidence that if he didn’t do it, he at the very least didn’t give a single shit about her, is beyond disappointing. Why are women and mothers out of all people still acting so casually about birth and postpartum? Even if you didn’t go through it yourself, you should at least understand how the hormonal changes make you feel like you’re not yourself. I’ve seen women commenting “so he’s never allowed to travel or go hang out with his friends because he has kids?” THAT ISN’T THE POINT. And to answer them… no, he shouldn’t be allowed to do that while his wife and the mother of his children is very clearly struggling. It’s baffling that they’re dick riding for these men who would absolutely replace them in a heartbeat just like Patrick did. WHAT is wrong with them? It honestly makes me angrier than the men saying this shit because they can’t ever truly understand pregnancy/postpartum and the overall hormonal changes women go through in general. I’m just angry and I don’t know how to ever feel like humanity is gonna be restored again. Sorry to be so negative, but this place is one of the few I know I can commiserate with, and for that, I’m so grateful.

EDIT: so many of these comments are exactly what I’m talking about and it’s really sad.

It’s that time of year again! How are you feeling about your kids going to school this year?

I know this is not a unique experience, but I’m feeling so sad about it this week. It’s like they’re living in an alternate reality. I love them so much and I was not raised this way. They were moderate Republicans. I’m not excusing their continued support — but it’s really like cult brainwashing. It reminds me of Kalabar in Halloweentown when all the neighbors start disappearing.

My dad is quieter about it and still questions things and is more moderate, but my mom is full in. When he won the election, I literally thought to myself, “Well if a single good thing can come out of this nightmare, maybe winning the election will help them calm down enough to be able to look at things for what they are and snap out of it.”

Nope! Every conversation somehow loops back to politics in a way that should win an Olympic medal. Every single time I vaccinate my child, it’s a fight. There aren’t even any more vaccines in the schedule for a few years and I still get articles, etc. I’ve been randomly yelled at over the phone in the middle of the day for the most benign political posts to the point where I block my family from seeing those.

I can also see that it is completely decimating their mental health — increased paranoia, extremely negative about every little thing, hair trigger outrage. I feel like they are not present with me at all and maybe process like 20% of what I’m saying.

I pretty much never bring it up and still they bring it up constantly. I am so exhausted by it. And anytime I finally snap and say something — Olympic level gymnastics. And anytime I feel like they’re starting to question something they just go down a hole on YouTube and Substack and whatever dark web cave of horrors they can find to explain it away. “Don’t vote for her, she’ll draft your brother and send him to Iran!” “Oh, well, you see—“

I know people are probably going to say to go no-contact. I have basically gradually implemented an information diet, which I could be better about, but I am trying to be better about. I reduce contact based on current behavior because we still are able to have fun sometimes or normal conversations sometimes — though I feel like with each passing month it seems to be getting worse, which is never what I thought would happen at this point. Anyway, I’m just sad. Would appreciate comments from people who are similarly dealing with this and still trying to navigate as much of a relationship as they can have with their parents.

*adding right away because of the rule: I don’t plan to self harm or hurt myself - this is more a discussion on how this is viewed and has been viewed).

Hi friends - if this doesn’t belong here I’m sorry I just have no safe person to talk to and I’m tired of crying when it’s quiet and I’m alone because I’m holding it in. (*am actively looking for a new therapist but it’s not easy to find in my area and I need something out of the home).

There’s a certain case (we all know it) in the news about a mother harming her kids and everyone has an opinion.

Some backstory on me: I had a terrible pregnancy (HG,GD,SIUGR, Pre-E,SUA) that resulted in my daughter being born a tad early at 34 weeks. Starting from my anatomy scan onwards I was told not to get too attached to my daughter because she likely wouldn’t make it or would be stillborn because she wasn’t showing adequate growth. I spent the rest of my pregnancy riddled with anxiety and really struggling. When my daughter was born she was rushed to the nicu & because I was on magnesium I wasn’t able to see her without a nurse escort, so I spent my first 24 hours with my husband crying a lot in my postpartum room. I felt so guilty for how my daughter came into the world, felt like I failed her, etc.. the nicu social worker marked me as a “depression risk” and that’s about it. Because I was separated from her a lot I had to pump religiously (every 2 hours), got no sleep, and really struggled. Then when she came home around 5 weeks that routine continued because she couldn’t latch. I felt so detached and separated from my baby and her dad got to do everything. It wasn’t until my postpartum appointment at 8 weeks that my husband and doctors caught on just how bad I was struggling and I started medication and stopped pumping. My daughter also was sooo colicky she would barely sleep, meaning I also didn’t sleep.

I share all that just to say it was hard for me, and l had really bad postpartum mental health issues.

Since this case has come out, everyone has an opinion. My sister in law is pregnant now and everyone already keeps saying how much better she’s handling it, how she was “meant to be a mom” and that “people who have difficulties shouldn’t have children”. Yesterday, I was also informed by multiple people that mothers who struggle with postpartum depression and anxiety don’t deserve to be mothers, should be locked up, and should have their kids taken away. I have tried to explain what she struggled with sounds more like postpartum psychosis and that it’s not the same as depression or anxiety. They say any mom who takes medication should have their kids taken.

I want to believe it’s just them being dumb but they know my entire story and I am very open about my postpartum mental health issues. My philosophy always was that you never know who it could help.

It hurts my heart because my daughter (2 now) is my entire world. I’m a stay at home mom and we’re besties, I can’t imagine my life without her. In fact, there were a few moments when I was really really struggling that I had a plan to end my life. On multiple occasions i would look at my sweet baby girl and remember that she needed me. She was actively the reason I made it so long and was still alive to ask for help. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 13, I was struggling but I was determined not to put my family through that pain.

Just now, I spoke openly with my mother in law about it and she said her stance is the same regardless of my story. I asked if she thinks I’m not a good mom because I take medication - she said, yes. She said a real mom doesn’t need help and can deal with her own issues.

I know I shouldn’t let this bother me, but I’m sad and it hurts. Again, I’m sorry if this is the wrong place for this… a lot of the other mom subs are talking about this case and there are a surprising number of women who feel the same as my family members do. I’m just trying to avoid hearing more of it as much as possible.

Let your feelings out! We are all bottling up this stress and sometimes it helps to share your concerns and have safe conversations about it. Type your response and take a big deep breath after!

I thought this might be a good place to ask for reccs! My daughter is only 16 months but she loves reading (board books & also lots of shorter pictures books.) I really want to make sure our home library is diverse & features characters of all colors. As she gets older I’ll be intentional about having books written & illustrated by POC as well, but right now it’s all about the pictures—& will be for awhile. :) Would love any recommendations you all have!

My brother recently moved in with his new gf, who we haven’t met. We did some searching on Facebook and instagram and found her. On her bio she had MAGA, and a photo of her smiling hold a trump flag. Mind you, we are a HISPANIC FAMILY. I called him and asked him if his gf is a maga, and he was quiet first, then said, well.. she likes trump yeah. I was so upset, and mad. He told me I’m over reacting and not to generalize!! How can I have someone who supports that come into my home, around my kids? My Hispanic children. And then, she has a son.. who is also MIXED with Hispanic. Am I overreacting???