u/SilverNEOTheYouTuber

I have been trying everything: Simply disabling it, removing my Pfp and Banner and then disabling it, changing my Pfp back to the Previous one. Nothing works, Reddit keeps setting it back to NSFW.

I had this Problem since when I changed my Pfp to a Character in a SFW Game with a Transfeminine Flag Circle surrounding it.

How can I fix this?

I'm seriously sick of the whole Debate over our Existence. Each day I have to deal with the Fact that Conservatives still have Points to make to Contest the Claim that the only Treatment to reduce my Desire to End my Life is NOT an Offense to the Creator of the Universe that must be Avoided.

Even in the Scientific Field, I get sick when I hear that there are Professionals (See the Cass Review) that insist that I must STILL wait more time before I can Medically Transition, even when I have to yet begin the Plan to revoke my Abusive Conservative Household's Authority over my Access to Transition through a Legal Battle thats gonna take Months. (I'm 15 fyi.)

I want to Live without feeling that my Identity is constantly under Siege. I keep struggling with thoughts of Suicide and Violence (Both against Myself and Others, though the "Against Others" Part is just a Fantasy rather than something I genuinely Planned), I keep dealing with Thoughts about how much I Wish to see blood come out of my Arm, Livestream a Suicide, or whatever else I can think of, the only thing stopping me is how much I care about what my Friends would think, and they would be Devastated to find out that I killed myself.

I keep feeling ashamed of telling anyone that I end up wanting to see Places of Transphobia (Clinical Enviornments where Non-Affirming "Treatment" is given even when it doesnt work, for examples) Burn and Explode. Its not even caused by my Gender Identity (Saying this because theres now a Trend among Conservatives saying that we are all Violent or something) as I first experienced such thoughts when I was a Fascist Edgelord at 12.

I want to Live without my Existence being Debated so comfortably by others who claim to know how we feel. I Envy massively the Amount of Cis Women who live Comfortably in their Bodies. The People who insist that Transition is Wrong are the Same People who live so comfortably without the Burden of seeing others be **PHYSICALLY** Incapable of Listening to us.

For my case, I first thought that the Story would have involved GingerBrave and his Friends chasing the Cake Hound across Crispia, which would have led them to Explore the Ancient Heroes' Kingdoms.

Now... Heres the thing, I first thought that the Ancients were all dead, and that every single Kingdom of theirs was Abandoned and Devoid of Life. To give you some examples:

- The Vanilla Kingdom would have been a Mere set of Ruins located in a Desert Land, where the main kind of "Life" residing here would have been the Zombies of Cookies that Pure Vanilla Cookie never managed to Heal, Biologically Fused with the Wafflebots.

- The Hollyberry Kingdom would have been an Empty Place with a Market composed simply of Scattered Rotten Supplies. The Kingdom itself would look like a Swamp.

- The Dark Cacao Kingdom would have been a Quiet, Ruined Place devoured by the Snow, without a Single Trace of Life anywhere, except maybe a Dark Choco Cookie who became Fully Insane Mentally.

- The Golden Cheese Kingdom would have the most Gorgeous Look among the Abandoned Kingdoms, but there wouldnt be a Single Trace of Life either, except for perhaps a Cosmic Entity (Which I thought was there when I saw that the Episode for the Golden Cheese Kingdom was called "Goddess of Eternal Gold") and the Simulation inside which everyone lived. Except that I first thought that the Simulation had Fake Copies of the Cookies who lived there rather than the ACTUAL Souls of the Cookies.

Oh, and I used to think that Dark Enchantress Cookie was still roaming around, but just as an Entity that walks across the Continent. Basically, I imagined that roaming Crispia when Dark Enchantress Cookie was there was like roaming the same Forest where an Entity like The Rake was roaming.

What about other Cookies? Well, I never left out the chance of other Cookies being alive, BUT I imagined them as living in Small Fragile Hunter-Gatherer Groups where they had to constantly defend themselves from Cake Monsters and in worse cases even engage in Cannibalism for Survival.

Let me present myself first. I'm a 15-Year-Old Trans Girl who lives in South Italy. I started showing Signs of Gender Dysphoria as early as 5 Years Old, where I started expressing Aversion towards Male Puberty. As I grew Older, I developed Attraction to Clothes that are Traditionally considered Feminine (Leggings, Skirts, Tights) and started wishing more to be a Girl (Though Clothes arent the Reason for which I wish to Transition, otherwise I would just be a Femboy) but I tried to suppress it (To avoid the "Sin" of being Trans or a Femboy) until I couldnt handle it anymore, leading me to, say, "Deconstruct" my Faith and become a Progressive Christian.

When I came out as Trans, my Parents did Everything to convince me to be a Cis Boy: Cutting Off Supportive People, performing Corrective Blessings on me, showing me Detransition/"Ex-Gay" Testimonies, forcing me to present as Male both Online and IRL, etc.

Sometimes, things escalated more than usual, like that night where my Father started screaming about how I have to "Understand" that I'm Male, touching my Intimate Parts asking what I got there, threatening to "Send Me Somewhere" or beat me, and telling me that I must "Straighten Myself Up" before he does it himself. Other times he has Impersonated me on the Internet while spreading Medical Misinformation ("A Good Therapist would not tell you that you cant change your Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity") and yelling at Trans People to Detransition immediately.

I have Planned Suicide 5 Times in this Period. Esch one of them eventually got Cancelled, but the more times I Plan it, the closer I get to actually Attempting. Last time was at the end of April, where I cancelled my Plan when I was one Week away from doing it. All the 3 Psychologists I have talked to have Failed to give me any Helpful Advice that didnt involve Gender-Affirming Care: The First one simply told me to dress as a Woman in Private (Which my Father didnt allow) and focus on Hobbies, the Second one Affirmed me Privately but validated what my Parents said in Public, and the Third one told me to Focus on "Non-Gendered" Parts of my Identity.

Even when I wasnt planning to end it all, I have been Internally screaming in Agony every day since I'm Unable to Transition, I even had Impulses to break things, scream or jump off a tall height. In my Country, you need Parental Consent, a 6 to 12-Month Psychological Evaluation, and only then you can Transition through Puberty Blockers and/or HRT.

BUT... Heres the thing. Near my Town, there are LGBTQ+ Centers dedicated to helping Trans Teens like me to begin a Legal Battle to gain the Autonomy to Transition, as you can get a Judge to Override Parental Consent if being blocked from Transition is causing you Severe Psychological Distress. Now, heres what I'll do:

1. I will ask my Bigender (AFAB) Lesbian Friend (Who already helped me once by letting me try Feminine Clothes in Clothing Stores without my Parents knowing) if he can help me walk to a Center. If he accepts, I will send the Designated Location of the LGBTQ+ Center to him via WhatsApp. That way, he'll be able to find the Center using his Phone. Why I have to do this is in Step 3.

2. I will encourage my Friend's Affirming Parents to reduce Parental Controls for WhatsApp so that he will have his Limited-Screen-Time System Temporarily Disabled as this is an Important Situation.

3. Since my Father is capable of Tracking where my Phone is and listen to the Phone's Surroundings, I will leave the Phone at My Friend's House. To avoid raising Concern in my Mother as she often texts me asking where am I or who am I with, I will instruct my Friend's Mother on what to Text and how to Text, alongside giving her the Phone's Password. OR... I could say that I wont use the Phone for a while as I'll be busy watching Movies with my Friend.

4. I will then go to the Center with my Friend or his Father will drive us there if its Far Away, and I will explain EVERYTHING about what I experienced.

This is my Last Resort, I'm done living in this Agony, pretending that everything is fine when its not. I will do everything to gain my Autonomy and reduce or even Eliminate the Unnecessary Suffering I have been experiencing for so long. I'm not alone in this after all, I have like 13 Friends who support me, who have shown me more Love and Support than my Parents have, who know me by my Real Name (Sofia, which is Italian for Sophie) and Pronouns instead of a Mask that I wear in front of my Entire Biological Family, as every single Relative I know isnt Trans-Affirming at all, with the sole exception of my Cousin as I dont know her Opinion and MAYBE, just MAYBE, my Aunt, but she probably doesnt even know that my Desire is to Transition rather than just wearing "Twink Clothes".

So, please, Pray that my Plan to Free Myself from the Agony of living in a Male Body succeeds. If this Fails, I would probably end up being pushed towards Ending my Life harder than I have ever been, and I assume that yall dont want that to happen.

It saddens me when I see certain Posts on this Sub, in which Gay People ask for Advice on how to get "Therapy" to change their Sexual Orientation or on how to "Pray The Gay Away" Properly, it tells me that some people have internalized the Homophobia of some Christians to the point of seeking harmful methods just to feel loved by God.

And I can say just this to the People who still seek this Advice for Orientation Change: Please stop. Dont harm yourself by seeking Methods that dont work, especially because no Method to change Orientation, whether Religious or "Scientific", works.

Efforts to change Sexual Orientation have turned out to be Ineffective and only leading those who undergo these Efforts towards Suicidal Ideation, Depression and even PTSD. These Efforts are condemned by every Major Psychological Organization for this exact reason, with no Evidence that it can actually change Orientation.

So-Called "Ex-Gays" who claim to have managed to change their Sexual Orientation end up in ways that go against the Pro-Orientation-Change Narrative rather than in favor of it, such as:

- Admitting that they were lying.

- Turning out to be actually Bisexual, as they still experience the Attraction that they tried to "Pray Away".

- Actually still being Gay, just pretending to be Heterosexual due to Internalized Homophobia and/or desiring to Promote this even further.

Exodus International, the largest Organization promoting Orientation Change, has closed down admitting that they were wrong to think that Gay People can become Heterosexual through "Therapy" or Prayer, even they know that this doesnt work.

This doesnt mean you are Damned for being Gay, because its not a Sin. You can come and visit the OpenChristian Subreddit to seek Support, the People I met here are great and they'll likely be helpful.

As a Conclusion, I'll just repeat myself: Please dont think that God wants you to Psychologically Torture yourself to the point of Suicide or Trauma just to be loved by Him or go to Heaven, if He did, He wouldnt be Loving, which contradicts what the Bible says God is.

If you see that I suffered because I cant get the Proper Care I need for my Condition and still insist that I must keep living in Misery because a small amount of People regrets getting that Care, you dont "Love" me.

If you see that I have Prayed for Months to become Cis and nearly abandoned the Faith because it didnt work but your only response is "Just Pray Harder", you dont "Love" me.

If you associate who I am with the Beasts of Hell and believe that I deserve to be thrown into the Pits of Eternal Torment over something I cant change and that God doesnt seem to be interested in changing, you dont "Love" me.

If you have a Fetish for the Image of me, and those who did the Super Evil Crime™ of making me ACTUALLY feel better, being thrown in Hell on Judgment Day, you dont "Love" me.

If you think saying "Just accept yourself as a Man" magically heals me even when it has shown to do the opposite, you dont "Love" me.

If you see me suffer because I'm being barred from living as a Woman and you propose the "Solution" of sending me to Military-Style Camps or pumping me with Testosterone, you dont "Love" me.

I would finish writing this Post after Eons if I had to include everything that certain (Not ALL, calm down you who are Troopers of the Anti-Anti-Christian Brigade) Christians have said to me in spite of how much suffering it has brought to me. People love redefining this as "Love" because "To love is to tell others what I consider to be the Truth, espe- Sorry, I meant to say even if it Hurts to the point of considering Suicide."

I just stopped myself from actually ending my life not long ago, it was the closest I ever was to actually doing it, and each time I get into such Crises I get closer. I'm 15, Transfeminine, living in a Non-Affirming Household, so I still have no Autonomy over my Body, Legal Name or even Clothing since I'm being forced to mask myself as Male.

Every single time, this "Love" I see from Conservative Christians mainly consists of seeing me experience the slightest bit of Happiness related to my Gender Identity and immediately coming in to scream about my Genitals (Especially Le Genital Mutilation™) even in cases where I dont mention Medical Transitioning at all, let alone Reassignment Surgery.

They will insist that its "The Truth" as their Theological Position commands them to stand against Transitioning. We have already shown them the Reasons to admit that Transitioning is not a Sin, yet they insist, whether its just dismissing those Reasons as "Twisting Scripture" or doing their best to try "Debunking" them. They cant live without a God that genuinely despises Trans People.

So please, if you are Conservative on Trans Issues and you STILL want to give me the "Treatments" for my Dysphoria that have done the exact opposite of making me feel better, stop pretending to care, because you only want me dead or cutting myself.

I'm sick of seeing People who ACTUALLY Support me be portrayed as "Evil Pedophile Groomers" who "Affirm Sin". If you believe in a Version of God who considers the Ideal Path to Salvation to be a Life of Misery and Agony, you are better off involved in Discussions about creating Cosmic Horror Characters, not in Discussions about Christianity.