AIO: for kicking my fiancé out and calling off the engagement after he demanded to be on my house deeds, refused a prenup, and has debts?
I’m 32F. I own two houses outright - one I bought 5 years ago before we met, and one I inherited 2 years ago. Both are paid off. I’m financially independent and those properties are my main security.
My fiancé is 34M. We’ve been together 3 years, engaged 8 months. He moved in with me 2 years ago and lives rent-free. He pays for groceries and some utilities, but that’s it. He makes about half what I make.
The issues started when we talked wedding logistics:
- The house/deed thing
- He said if we’re getting married, his name should be on my house deeds. “It’s not fair that I live here and contribute but have no ownership. If we’re equal partners, we should be equal on paper.”
- I said no. I offered a prenup keeping the houses as separate property, and asked him to pay fair market rent if he wants to live here.
- His kids and debts
- He has 2 kids from a previous marriage. He pays for their private school and says it’s a huge financial strain. He asked me to “treat them like my kids” and implied I’d help cover that after marriage. He also told me he has about $40k in personal debt from an old business that failed.
- His reaction
- He refused to sign a prenup, said it means I don’t trust him and I’m planning for divorce. He said asking for rent is insulting and makes him feel like a tenant, not a husband. He’s now saying I’m being greedy and that if I loved him I wouldn’t protect my assets like this.
I told him I’m not comfortable merging finances or assets when he has debt, won’t sign a prenup, and wants me to take on responsibility for his kids’ school costs. I asked him to move out and told him I’m calling off the engagement unless he agrees to a prenup.
Now he’s telling our families I’m cold and using my money to control him. My mom says I’m being too harsh and should “work it out.”
AIO for kicking him out by the end of the week and ending the engagement over this?
Update:
Thank you to everyone who commented - seriously, reading your replies helped me see this clearly.
For context on our dynamic over the 3 years we’ve been together:
He never did any childcare or housework here. I took care of the entire house. He sometimes bought groceries and paid utilities, which I mentioned before, but that was the extent of it.
He does make money, but most of it goes toward spending on himself and his kids’ school back in Europe. He doesn’t spend much on them outside of school because they live with their mom. He also has his own assets in Europe. He never wanted to marry me until now, and it’s obvious it’s because he wants the green card.
The irony is he had no problem charging me Airbnb-level rent to stay in his place when we visited his country. He can dish it out, but the second I ask for a fair split on the house we’d live in together, I’m the villain.
I’m not signing over my safety for someone who’s been using me for access. I’m single now, and honestly, I feel lighter already.
Thanks again for keeping me grounded.