Discliamer: Questions about Religion.
Three years ago, these question would have sounded blasphemous to me. I put the disclaimer in the title so it does not cause unnecessary hurt sentiments, so if you're like that please don't proceed.
I find that the only way to truly accept Allah and the religion is when you erase the YOU. There are no questions, no doubts, no nothing. Islam is very clear on the subject of servant and god.
I find islam, the religion used in the worst possible ways. I'm aware, the religion itself has little to do with it. But I find the evilness, among me and my fellow men, to be extremely irritable. We as humans are something of a terrible species, individually and more so collectively.
Now, of course, god created me to worship him. Why? I am to enter heaven only by his mercy? I am, as I said before, nothing. And Nature, and life in its way, drills the lessons of helplessness, and misery, and fear into us mortals. It pushes us to our kness, which makes me question.
Do I only believe in Allah, because I'm hopeful a judgement day? A day where everything shall be weighed? Every action? Every sentiment? I barely accept god of my own accord? It seems pretty cruel to me that a world of good and evil and suffering. A test and a consciousness that screams rebillion, and a life and death and the exam. It seems to me, that god only exists becaue I want it to. Is that enough evidence for him to be there?
I've been told to not ask questions, I'm aware I have little intellect and rationality, and the questions can't be tackled in the way, I am going about it. But I have been gifted with life. I have to live and supposedly am a part of this test. And aupposedly have no say.
I find god to be cruel. I find god to be aloof.
I do not think there is a superior way of life than islam. I do not believe that the religion is archaic. I am not of the opinion that human intellect is the one and only source of truth or capable of every answer.
But I find myself a useless cog in a machine, nothing of my choice, and I feel used and abused in a system far bigger than anything, I feel forced and persecuted. I feel lost and angry, and sad, depressive.
I never quieten the questions. Quietning them is wrong to me. Because I would arrive at truth only by seeking not abstaining.
I want to believe. Perhaps I will.
TLDR;
WHAT MAKES YOU BELIEVE IN ALLAH? THE CORE ARGUMENT THAT YOU FALL BACK TO WHEN YOU HAVE DOUBTS.