The Ups And Downs Of Finally Being Me
First, wanted to say that it is NEVER too late to be true to yourself and take whatever steps necessary to help you become more of the person you were always meant to be!
I'm Alice, 39 years old and an asexual lesbian. I've recently separated from my partner of nearly two decades (not because of my transition, as far as I can tell), and we both have a 12 year old son, who has AuDHD and is still our #1 priority.
I moved to Central Ohio a little over a year ago to try and provide a better life for my family, and so far that's been the case. I didn't fully realize I am trans until late March of this year, which was both exciting and terrifying for a multitude of reasons. The signs were always there since middle school, some more obvious than others, I was just oblivious and now feel like a fool for not recognizing them sooner.
Once I knew for certain, I immediately made an appointment with Planned Parenthood and got on HRT. Thankfully my job's insurance covers a good chunk of it. Even more fortunate that my job is very accepting of people from all walks of life, and earned a promotion to management while being openly trans.
Right now, I know I still look like a man-shaped potato, but I'm taking little steps to improve. I hated my reflection, facial hair, and other parts of myself for so long, letting myself go while hiding behind side-hustles and smiles, but now I understand why and have since learned to love myself, who I am slowly becoming.
I guess my current clothing style can be considered soft masc, or as some of my friends call it "alt mom", but I'm starting to explore clothing and accessories a bit more, especially because I no longer have to worry about how my ex-partner feels about it. She was always afraid that my transition would make me "too girly" and I can't blame her for having a preference, but it did make me feel afraid of diving any deeper. I was prioritizing her comfort over mine.
Now, I feel drawn to calf or ankle-length skirts and a nice top, something akin to "cottage core", I guess, and I can't wait until my next paycheck to thrift some outfits!
All that being said, it feels so weird to be single again. Everything has changed. I'm in a new place with no friends or family. Finding someone local, that also shares at least some common interests, feels like a herculean task. Being asexual, trans, lesbian, and a mother all create additional potential barriers against finding a partner. I'm remaining hopeful, even going to local events, but I would be lying if I said it doesn't suck right now.
Everything considered, I'm happy to be on this journey and don't regret a thing. Had I known before, however, I would have started sooner. Oh well! Better late than never!
Please be kind to yourselves! Anyone considering taking the chance at true happiness and/or you're worried that your time has passed, it hasn't and you absolutely owe it yourself to do so!