Advice on handling parent's failure to accept my identity
So, for the past few years, ive accepted in myself that I'm trans. It's been a great boon to my mood, and being on hormones for about 13 months has been wonderful.
This is unfortunately coming at the cost of the relationship with my parents. Back in September of last year, I was moving apartments to get a larger one. My mother decided to "help" by cleaning, but what she did instead was snoop through my documents and found a single paper I had about skin safe tape. She confronted me in my bedroom, asked me what it was and why, and made various comments on how "it was like she was meant to learn this", "Transitioning will make life harder", "It's not normal to do so", and lastly "I will be a black mark on my dad's career." I tried to explain that this was me experimenting, that i know it is difficult & uncommon, and when she made the comment on that last point... I chose to try and emphasize that this is for my mental health. She only relented when I told her that this was not a guaranteed thing i will carry out, and then told her to swear that she would not mention it to my father.
Fast forward to december, and our relationship had been okay. I had become happier with the changes I was seeing, especially after a 2 week trip to japan. The last night i was visiting my family, i got out this tan/orange color night gown i got from japan, and began walking up stairs to hang out with family again. My mother caught me at the door and told me to take it off.
Next morning, i was packing to leave, to which she cornered me in my room, accused me of being on hormones, pulled up my shirt, and rummaged through my suitcase to find the "dress" i was wearing. If I'm honest, i didn't know how to respond in this moment, other than to try and convince her i wasnt on hormones and how it was a night gown... a lie and a truth. She backs off finally and I go up stairs, my dad kindly asking if I'm still seeing my therapist and that i should look for a "christian one"
I later get a text from my dad that night after arriving at my friend's, with its screenshot attached, the blue name being my best friend. This was the thing i explicitly asked not to be done, and explicitly told my mother that i would stop talking to her if she did do so.
So now ive been avoiding contact with them, trying to limit it except for on birthdays. During one birthday, my parents both confront me and ask if I was on hormones, which i say no to appease them. This past 4th of july, i visit my god parents with my direct family. I laid on my back to play with the pups, and my chest was slightly visible despite being under a binder. My mother immediately asks again if im on hormones, then tries to make fun of me for having breasts.
This last weekend, i visited my best friend again and actually had a very affirming chat with their family. On my way back, i decide to visit a highschool friend around 3, before continuing around 4 to home. At about 4:30, my father calls me and asks if i had driven by the city they live in. I say yes, and he asks why i didnt poke them to visit.
I tell him that it was during a work day and that i did not wish to bother them. He responded that he was disappointed in my and hung up. My mother texted about how I've broken her heart, and I don't respond.
I'm genuinely unsure what to do. I feel so unsafe around them now, and I hadn't included other points where they would call me and explicitly ask if i was on hormones some months back. This was a constant and I dont want to interact when i know I'm not safe.
Ill go ahead and note: My mother has a history of being cruel to my older brother, with me having distinct memories of her yelling at him growing up. She often turned it into more emotional abuse by dredging up things like his middle school journal and reading it infront of the direct family, my brother's wife, and the surviving grandparents. He was rightly angry, and cut them off for months. She has also made explicit comments of disgust towards trans people in the past. My father is different and tended to be kinder towards us, but not emotionally open. My brother knows I am trans, is accepting that i am, and supports me to some degree.