r/TransHelpingTrans

Hi all. Since the beginning of my gender journey some months back, my "labels" have changed several times on what I would call myself. I initially considered myself Genderfluid. However, that changed soon after to Nonbinary, and then Nonbinary Transfem.

What is the best determining factor for what labels you choose for yourself? Looking on it now, I feel like these are kind of stepping stones in my gender journey realization.

I think the most accurate label for me is someone who is Transfeminine, or "Transfem." An umbrella term for all those who were AMAB, but identify more with femininity. Obviously, this includes Trans women, those who transitioned to identifying as a woman, people who may have Nonbinary and any sublabel of that feminine identities, and anybody else who has a feminine gender identity and/or expression. It's also a good label for someone like me I feel who feels that their gender is feminine, but doesn't necessarily identify as a woman. I don't know if I ever will. I use they/them pronouns.

I'm thinking about just dropping the "Nonbinary" part for myself honestly. I feel like my experience honestly is a much more Transgender one. The way I see myself and feel about myself internally, in terms of my gender identity, is different from what I was assigned at birth.

Any thoughts? Am I putting too much thought into this? I think a lot of this also has to do with the hard factor of accepting being Transgender. It's quite an emotional battle, with or without gender dysphoria.

Hello Reddit,

First and foremost this is kind of a throwaway account because I'm not prepared to nor do I feel safe should some people I know find this post.

I never thought I would write this, but things have started to become overwhelming and I would love to hear from anyone who might have gone through similar circumstances.

I'm 27 AMAB, and for the past 2 years I have been questioning my gender identity. It started with a video from YukkoEx which youtube suggested. This video slowly lead me through the rabbit hole of trans creators until I stumbled upon one of those "signs you might be trans" videos. At first there was not much I could directly relate to. If I remember correctly I related mostly to wanting to play exclusively female characters, and having thought that my life would be a lot better if I had been born female.

This made me ponder, but I quickly put it down to escapism. But as the days go on I keep coming back to this thought. At first I thought it impossible because I'm not particularly interested in conventional feminine things. But now I begin to look back upon my life and realise just how many times I've dreamt or wished to just wake up in a female body. I've lived most of my online life as a girl until I stopped because of the shame I felt should anyone I knew IRL find out. I once even found a magical witchcrafty ritual to change gender and tried it out (childish but I've always had a bit of whimsy in me 😅).

Reading this I imagine many of you may already be thinking or even commenting that it is pretty clear I am trans. But the reason why I've decided to write this post is because I've been dealing with apathy. Since I can remember I've never particularly felt happy, or sad, or even angry. Instead I experience fleeting and muted emotions such as excitement and annoyance, but most of the time I just feel empty. Many times I've questioned my own humanity. I feel like a monster just going through life. Why can't I feel happy when everything in my life is going well and I'm surrounded by loved one? Why can't I feel sad when I loose someone? Why can't I be angry when I'm disrespected or recall the abuse I've been through? Why is everything just a fact and holds no emotions attached? Why am I empty?

This is the reason why I've come here. How can I find out if transitioning is the right thing for me when crossdressing or being addressed as female or called by a chosen name just feels indiferent? Will transitioning bring my emotions back? Will I be able to cry and rage and laugh like when I was a kid again?

Before anyone comments it, yes, I am in therapy. But it is a struggle. My therapist often asks me questions about how certain events made me feel and tells me to focus on my bodies reactions to these events. But answering these questions feels performative for me. It feels like my brain intuits what a normal emotional response to the event should be and my body unconsciously reacts to it. I'm working on trying to feel more and think less, but I still have a long journey ahead of me it seems.

Any ways, we return to my question. Has any of you experienced anything similar? Is there hope for me?

Thank you for reading this.

Ok, so im closeted mtf pre hrt, and im completely lost. I want to get onto hrt so bad but Im in a really tough spot, main thing holding me back is my dad, were best friends, always have been, hes always been there for me and I dont want to lose him but he doesnt know who I really am and I know he wouldn't agree with it, my cousins ftm and his "God daughter", he loves him and says he always will but refuses to call him by his new name, not trying to be transphobic, simply "thats what ive always known her as and so thats what I want to stick with". Its a whole confusing mess and obviously hes not right but he really doesnt have a problem with the gender, just the name, which gives me some relief, I dont know if i want to go by a different name simply because mine can be for men or women, but hes always made a point of how poud he is of me as his SON. Sorry for the backstory, just wanted to make clear the situation im in. Ive been discovering myself for the past few years, my girlfriend has helped support me which has helped but I want to actually be on hrt so bad, my face and frame are clearly male no matter how much weight I lose or how much makeup I use and its starting to really take a toll on my mental health, it only gets worse the longer time goes on, I just dont know what steps I should take, I want to see some kind of therapist or something who could help me and maybe even point me in the right direction but the idea of talking to anyone but my girlfriend is terrifying and the idea of it just makes me feel even worse, ive never seen a therapist before but definitely should have by now. I just dont know what to do, im not even sure what im asking here. I just need help from someone who has a better idea of these things. I live in Canada by the way if that matters, I know anything medical changes a lot depending on where you are. So any ideas for my situation? Any advice would help, honestly I would even take unrelated tips just on how to go about things in general. Thank you.

Hi, I'm currently starting to transition MtF and I'm trying to find a primary care provider who will understand and help me on my transition, most specifically to get me on hormones ASAP. I live in the Madison, WI, USA area, so specifically I'm looking around there, west side preferable. My bestie used to work in the UW Healthcare system and recommended me some doctors, who I've gotten on waitlists for. Unfortunately, those waitlists seem to have an indefinite wait time, and I don't want to just wait anymore to start being me. I currently don't have a primary care provider (my parents didn't take me for regular checkups growing up, so I just never saw a doctor). If anyone has recommendations for primary doctors who are good with transitions for me to look into and see if I can get them, I would be so incredibly grateful! Thank y'all so much!

Long story short: In Madison WI, looking for primary care provider for transitioning.

For euphoria reasons.

Hi, I'm 4 months on HRT, and when I started, I had hoped I could pass just with HRT. But now I see there's no way, mostly because of my brow bone, nose, and jaw. So, I decided to calculate when I would be able to afford FFS in Spain with Facial Team, and I came to the conclusion that it will take at least 10 years to save that amount of money, and another 8 years for SRS. I'm so depressed about this because I'm 22 years old and I had hoped I could be seen as a woman for the rest of my school years, to have a chance of finding a boyfriend and so on, not to worry about money. But now I'm kind of in a mode where I'm just trying to grind money. Is there anything else I can do to ease my situation, like stop caring about passing and just live the life I lived before I started HRT? Just do the regular things like laser and then just wait for the FFS and SRS, and after that, start to live, start to find a partner, and so on? By the way, it would probably help me to tell the truth about how I look because my family is trying to say that I don't need FFS, and some people on Reddit also tried to be nice and told me that I don't need FFS. However, I think they were just being nice because the people who said I do need FFS felt more honest.

I'll be upfront, I don't even know if I am transgender fully. I'm trying to figure it out. But it's been eating away at me for the past couple years.

To give some context, I live in a rural town in LATAM. For the past three goddamn years, I have been trying my damn best to piece together enough money to move to the city and start living alone. My hope is that I can move there and finally start working towards becoming my own person, away from the family. But three years is a long time to feel suffocated and stuck in a place you're growing to hate. I feel like I am actually going insane, and a part of that is because I utterly despise living as this disgusting, rotten, putrid man. I hate this body, I hate my masculinity, I hate what I am. I hesitate to call it gender dysphoria because I don't feel like I have the right to use that term, but I feel this distinct need to explore a more feminine side of myself. Even if it isn't out of me being transgender, I know I want to unmasculinize myself.

But I also don't want my family or anyone else in this town to find out. Not even because they are the most transphobic a town could be, one of my distant cousins here is a trans woman and seems to be living just fine. I just know that everyone here already thinks I'm mentally ill and unstable, and I don't need to add to that. Like "oh, maybe he's going through another episode, that's why he thinks he's a woman". Fuck that.

But I just don't know how, I can barely call myself a human most days. Everywhere I have looked has told me to buy some new girly clothes, but I just don't have the money for that or even to modify the ones I do have. It literally took me an entire fucking year to afford to go to the city and make a fucking bank account. I also tried drawing, but every time I have tried it has devolved into "you gotta work on your technical chops so you can maybe get good enough to do commissions". I can't use my mother's makeup or clothes because she'll find out immediately and I just don't want her to know. I have a hard time bringing myself to shave because what if the family finds out? No shaving cream, just a cheap razor with water and soap, but I just don't want to risk it.

Literally the only thing I feel like I have is porn and sexuality. Which is itself a problem. I have become obsessed with these beautiful transfemme/femboyish bodies. And I realize that it is leading me to understand my own potential femininity in almost purely sexual terms, and to hate my body even more. Like this viaceral feeling I feel in my body to feminize myself is not coming from a genuine understanding of my gender identity, but rather both a sheer hatred of my masculinity and by this sexualized ideal of the kind of meatrag fuckdoll I want to be. Like transfemininity becomes sexualized in my mind, and not a potential reality. It's an obsession with meat and flesh manifesting. I wouldn't dignify it by calling it gender euphoria. I feel disgusting, rotten, putrid just admitting it.

But I genuinely don't know what else to do. Maybe I'm just an unimaginative fuck, I don't know. If I sound desperate and bitter, it's because I am. It genuinely eats at me. Add to that anxiety about an online relationship, forcing myself to recover from an alcoholic relapse cold turkey, and sexual trauma, I just don't know what to do.

How do people even explore their gender identity? What the hell do I do?

I might sound dumb for this, but I'm in this situation where I can't really afford HRT right now. I'm a 22-year-old trying to transition, but I have no health insurance to cover any costs for prescriptions, and my friends say that HRT without insurance would be around $200, which in my country's current economy, is pretty pricey, and then getting a gender affirming surgery for myself would be around $20,000. At least that's what they said it would cost. And I tried looking at a website called hrt.coffee, but it didn't really help at all when it came to affording and actually getting HRT. I thought about maybe raising a gofundme but im not sure if that should be my next move. Can anyone with experience help me out????.

Does the right name make you feel sexy, especially when uttered by a lover? Does seeing it written down on official documents make you feel powerful? Should your name name you feel whole, where your old name felt incomplete or ill-fitting? Does the right name feel like love, like inclusion, like understanding, like an interest in your inner world? Does it feel like a warm greeting, an inside joke, an exclamation of excitement?

I'm also curious about those who aren't that invested in a name. Just need to have a string of letters that make a coherent noise that you recognize as referring to you. It need not be original or non-binary or subversive. Easy to spell and pronouns and solicits no follow-up questions about its origin.

I've finally decided to start HRT (Im 21). Im going private but I keep hearing bad experiences from a load of the private clinics. Can anyone give me recommendations on private services to go through because I wanna start ASAP and not be messed around for ages lmao

I came out as genderqueer at 12, I've been out as fully transmale since 14. My dad has always been "accepting" of the fact I'm queer. He calls me my preferred name to my face and "they" or occasionally "he" when I'm around. ("He" started since I've begun talking occasionally about trans things around him the last few months.)

But several months ago, my mom (split parents) told me he still calls me my deadname & "she" when I'm not around and to others, including my FULLY accepting mother. I finally saw it to my face the other day while we were out getting food, he referred to me as a girl to the server.

If it was just to family who I'm not out to, or isn't accepting, then I wouldn't care. But to complete strangers, even when I'm not there, and to people who fully accept me, jesus it hurts more than I'd expect.

I'm not comfortable even with gender neutral things but I put up with them because it seems easier for people. I always just allow myself to be misgendered, I have a really hard time correcting people. With strangers and non-accepting family it doesn't hurt my feelings, I know I don't pass. That's why I don't put in the effort to correct (& I live in the south). But from my own father, who SAYS he's accepting, says he's a queer ally and even goes to queer inclusive events occasionally, it hurts a lot more. He tells people he has a trans child as if he's proud, but has never seen me as anything but his daughter.

I'm 17 currently, 18 in October. I'm supposed to start T as soon as possible after. I already have a very androgynous appearance and am hopeful that within my first year of T I'll be pushed more towards looking & sounding male.

I need to have a conversation with my dad. It's hard to find the words. Hard to find the courage. A big part of me just wants to ignore it til I'm far enough in medical transition that he's forced to fully accept it essentially. Or to just start talking more frequently about trans related things to try to get him to see how it hurts and I feel without having a sit-down conversation about his misgendering.

I love my dad, but there's already some distance between us because of how he was in the past. I don't want this to create any more of a rift between us. I know I just need to talk to him. But I'm so avoidant it's so hard, I'd rather just ignore it in my constant disassociation and cry once a week over it than sit him down to talk.

TLDR; My father says to my face that he's accepting, calls me preferred or gender neutral things when I'm around. But misgenders me when I'm not there or in public. Advice on how to talk to him about it, or to bring these things up in conversation in a non-confrontational way. Or anyone else's personal experiences if similar