Im new to this, please help, I need it bad lol
Ok, so im closeted mtf pre hrt, and im completely lost. I want to get onto hrt so bad but Im in a really tough spot, main thing holding me back is my dad, were best friends, always have been, hes always been there for me and I dont want to lose him but he doesnt know who I really am and I know he wouldn't agree with it, my cousins ftm and his "God daughter", he loves him and says he always will but refuses to call him by his new name, not trying to be transphobic, simply "thats what ive always known her as and so thats what I want to stick with". Its a whole confusing mess and obviously hes not right but he really doesnt have a problem with the gender, just the name, which gives me some relief, I dont know if i want to go by a different name simply because mine can be for men or women, but hes always made a point of how poud he is of me as his SON. Sorry for the backstory, just wanted to make clear the situation im in. Ive been discovering myself for the past few years, my girlfriend has helped support me which has helped but I want to actually be on hrt so bad, my face and frame are clearly male no matter how much weight I lose or how much makeup I use and its starting to really take a toll on my mental health, it only gets worse the longer time goes on, I just dont know what steps I should take, I want to see some kind of therapist or something who could help me and maybe even point me in the right direction but the idea of talking to anyone but my girlfriend is terrifying and the idea of it just makes me feel even worse, ive never seen a therapist before but definitely should have by now. I just dont know what to do, im not even sure what im asking here. I just need help from someone who has a better idea of these things. I live in Canada by the way if that matters, I know anything medical changes a lot depending on where you are. So any ideas for my situation? Any advice would help, honestly I would even take unrelated tips just on how to go about things in general. Thank you.