u/triton-x33

I came out as genderqueer at 12, I've been out as fully transmale since 14. My dad has always been "accepting" of the fact I'm queer. He calls me my preferred name to my face and "they" or occasionally "he" when I'm around. ("He" started since I've begun talking occasionally about trans things around him the last few months.)

But several months ago, my mom (split parents) told me he still calls me my deadname & "she" when I'm not around and to others, including my FULLY accepting mother. I finally saw it to my face the other day while we were out getting food, he referred to me as a girl to the server.

If it was just to family who I'm not out to, or isn't accepting, then I wouldn't care. But to complete strangers, even when I'm not there, and to people who fully accept me, jesus it hurts more than I'd expect.

I'm not comfortable even with gender neutral things but I put up with them because it seems easier for people. I always just allow myself to be misgendered, I have a really hard time correcting people. With strangers and non-accepting family it doesn't hurt my feelings, I know I don't pass. That's why I don't put in the effort to correct (& I live in the south). But from my own father, who SAYS he's accepting, says he's a queer ally and even goes to queer inclusive events occasionally, it hurts a lot more. He tells people he has a trans child as if he's proud, but has never seen me as anything but his daughter.

I'm 17 currently, 18 in October. I'm supposed to start T as soon as possible after. I already have a very androgynous appearance and am hopeful that within my first year of T I'll be pushed more towards looking & sounding male.

I need to have a conversation with my dad. It's hard to find the words. Hard to find the courage. A big part of me just wants to ignore it til I'm far enough in medical transition that he's forced to fully accept it essentially. Or to just start talking more frequently about trans related things to try to get him to see how it hurts and I feel without having a sit-down conversation about his misgendering.

I love my dad, but there's already some distance between us because of how he was in the past. I don't want this to create any more of a rift between us. I know I just need to talk to him. But I'm so avoidant it's so hard, I'd rather just ignore it in my constant disassociation and cry once a week over it than sit him down to talk.

TLDR; My father says to my face that he's accepting, calls me preferred or gender neutral things when I'm around. But misgenders me when I'm not there or in public. Advice on how to talk to him about it, or to bring these things up in conversation in a non-confrontational way. Or anyone else's personal experiences if similar

I've had my GC2B half binder for about 3 years now. (Long time for a singular binder ik.) Over time and with weight fluctuations, it's got a LOT of gapping at the bottom now, several inches, and I constantly have to readjust it.

I'd like to avoid buying a new one as long as possible, would it be possible to take it in a bit at the bottom? Even if not a significant amount, it doesn't need to be perfect, just a tad more flush on my body.

If no, any recommendations on binders with good lifespans would be very appreciated.