u/Necessary_Stage_1261

Any conversion therapy survivors here have suggestions for resources, organizations, books, etc. to pass along to survivors in need of support? Also, tips on things to avoid?

I still live within 10 minutes of the college I left in 2022, where I had tenure but received increasing warnings over my on campus activism. I'm now a server at a local vegan restaurant, the first steady gig after closing my failing consulting business that launched upon leaving higher ed. Yesterday, a former colleague from the college dined in and I did my damnedest to not be recognized, though he eventually did and eagerly asked if I was the restaurants owner.

These kinds of unwanted reunions, which occur maybe once per year, bring to the surface shame -- shame about the breakdown that eventually prompted me to leave higher ed (though I was already looking for new jobs), about falling from tenured professor to restaurant server, about feeling as though I have nothing to show for the work it took to earn a PhD and then tenure.

I forget that I chose to resign because I was concerned the next suic attempt would be successful. The shame makes me forget how miserable I was, how much of myself I compromised to land and then keep a job -- and then still be threatened by the dean even once I'd earned tenure. And that so many others either quit or are pushed out or remain and are miserable.

Leaving allowed me to recognize I only pursued a PhD to appease my controlling parents, that I'd been steered away from my artistic interests that an academic career made sense post-PhD.

Does the right name make you feel sexy, especially when uttered by a lover? Does seeing it written down on official documents make you feel powerful? Should your name name you feel whole, where your old name felt incomplete or ill-fitting? Does the right name feel like love, like inclusion, like understanding, like an interest in your inner world? Does it feel like a warm greeting, an inside joke, an exclamation of excitement?

I'm also curious about those who aren't that invested in a name. Just need to have a string of letters that make a coherent noise that you recognize as referring to you. It need not be original or non-binary or subversive. Easy to spell and pronouns and solicits no follow-up questions about its origin.

Requesting advice from fellow diabetes with histories of disordered eating and/or body bysmorphia. Diagnosed a year ago, and holding just barely onto pre-diabetic A1C range with the help of metformin. I'm vegetarian and leaning a bit more vegan. But, the expectation to restrict to lose weight, and now my doctor's nudging to re-introduce weight-lifting, trigger ED and dysmorphia that I was able to tuck away with mental health care I've needed for a long, long time.

I briefly saw a nutritionist who surprised me in being quite dismissive, even telling me to "stop looking for a mother" with regard to navigating triggers at my job as a restaurant server, and pushing me away once I'd moved from diabetic to pre-diabetic. So, I'm navigating a lot of competing issues on my own, which makes the "fuck-it" mindset appealing, though every binge episode is essentially self-harm at this point.

Any reassurance or advice would be appreciated, thank you!

Hi everyone, new here. Curious how others have gone about choosing a new name, if they've changed their name. I see a lot name suggestions, lists of the most popular trans and non-binary names, and even memes about stereotypical names -- but the names feel, well, pretty white/Eurocentric. And, even discussions about how people choose their new names is only about gender/transness, without any reference to race and ethnicity, culture, and history... not to mention disparities in who can access and afford legal name changes.

For context, I am a "florescent beige" mixed-Black non-binary fem, now estranged from both my both the Black and white sides of my family due to their transphobia and abuse. I grew up in a predominantly Black county and attended predominantly Black schools for K-12.

I've recently launched a blog to promote trans self-determination (Reclaim Our Names) where I invite trans folx to contribute essays, poetry, and other original written work. I'd like to compensate contributors for their work and intellectual labor and, if possible, be compensated for my work as an editor and coordinator of the project. I'm not sure I have it in me to launch a non-profit -- curious if others have suggestions for raising funds as an individual running a project. (For example, I am not eligible for a Trans Justice Funding Project grant.) Seems weird to launch a GoFundMe for something like this.

I've recently launched a blog to promote trans self-determination (Reclaim Our Names) where I invite trans folx to contribute essays, poetry, and other original written work. I'd like to compensate contributors for their work and intellectual labor and, if possible, be compensated for my work as an editor and coordinator of the project. I'm not sure I have it in me to launch a non-profit -- curious if others have suggestions for raising funds as an individual running a project. (For example, I am not eligible for a Trans Justice Funding Project grant.) Seems weird to launch a GoFundMe for something like this.

Separating gender-neutral from non-binary here, does anyone else have a sense of what a characteristically non-binary name is? I'm aware of the stereotypically non-binary names... at least as a meme: names like Toaster, Moss, Playstation, etc. What would it mean for a name to be non-binary? My attempt was to change my whole name, keeping my assigned traditionally masculine first name and legally changing my last name to a traditionally fem name (apparently an old lady name, now... whoops). And, my middle name is kinda fem, too. And, I socially and professionally go by my (fem) last name, but with exclamation points for effect: Denise! Denise! So, I'm also engaging in some genderfuckery by playing with punctuation and repetition. I'm curious if others have thoughts on what would make a name non-binary (or genderfluid or genderfuckery), as opposed to being yet another Alex lol.

curious if anyone has decided to keep or repurpose their given name -- especially if you have a distinctly gendered name that society might say no longer fits your gender (e.g., a trans woman named Hank).

How did you choose your new name? Did anything need to happen first (e.g., trauma work, cutting ties with transphobic family, some milestone in gender transitioning)? And, did you do anything to celebrate your name change and/or release your given name (or "bury your deadname")?

Non-binary fem here, currently developing a workbook to help trans folx choose new names. Before settling into Denise! Denise! and non-binary fem-ness, I would say I was a bit more fluid, sometimes showing up to work as Denise rather than my given name. Do others here experience fluidity with names? Or even have multiple, differently-gendered names? (Also, why do I suddenly feel like I'm talking about alters here?!)

I once heard the concept of a "bridge name" - a temporary name that is intended for the stage between one's given name and a permanent new name. Apparently, a common stop in one's name journey for trans and non-binary folx, with single syllable names (after desired alphabets or sounds, like "jae"/ [J] or "kel") that, ideally, will extend into a full, permanent name ("Jaylin" or "Kelvin"). Has anyone else heard of this concept, perhaps by a different term? I can't for the life of me find anything written about it, but I have encountered several Js and Jays and the like, with some later adopting a longer name that started with a J. Thanks for any leads!

Left my tenured sociology gig at a liberal arts college in 2022 after a suicide attempt landed me in the psych ward a second time that year. Needless to say, I needed a change, and came to realize I'd been forced into an academic career via family pressure. I floundered as a consultant in DEI and then specifically trans inclusion work, until I closed my business last year as I started working as a part-time server at a local vegan restaurant. I have applied to jobs here and there -- editing, LGBTQ orgs, academic advising, data analyst, etc. -- but feel stuck. Weirdly overqualified even for a bagger job at Kroger, a poor fit for non-profits focused on keeping their doors open, and so on. I hate to feel regret for leaving a job that was slowly killing me, but I was naive about how hard it would be to change careers and how shitty things would turn in this country politically and economically.

So... anyone able to resonate? Or give hope or concrete advice? How do you start over at 40 and a PhD that grows stale with each passing year?