r/BlackLGBT

What app are they on and why is it not as popular as Grindr?

I dabbled in Aikido during middle school as my first-ever martial arts, and joined the Tae Kwon Do club during university, reached 1st Keub (Junior Black Belt/Deputy Red) before taking a hiatus from school. During TKD, I competed in Poomsae divisions and got to visit New York for the first time, earning medals here and there. I really miss it, but that was about over seven years ago (I just turned 33) so I don't believe I could pick up where I left off. If I were able to resume training and receive my 1st-Degree Black Belt, I would love to pivot to Kendo or Karate.

I personally never saw martial arts "exist" much in the Black community growing up, let alone in LGBTQ spaces, but obviously that's just me (aside from Michael Jai White, to my memory, there were an array of Black Olympians in Paris that did martial arts, Teddy Reiner being one of them). As a tall, built child, everyone kept begging me to take up Basketball or Football and nothing else (I cared for neither, I'm not even gonna lie), and plus, martial arts was never seen as a "real sport" to them (even now).

As a gay man, being a martial artist (albeit perhaps not a solid one) made me feel like an outlier, and even intimidating at that. At 6'6" and looking like a bouncer, I feel I'm already "menacing" enough and I've been told in a past post (of course not rudely) how that can put people on guard.

At the end of the day, we're not a monolith whether Black or gay, so I don't know.

I look on other subs of young people saying they’ve given up on dating or accepted being single for the foreseeable future and then come an army of people(typically millennials or gen c) trying to play therapist and immediately calling out their “poor/defeatist attitude” self esteem issues or them not trying hard enough to date without really looking at logistics of most young queer peoples lives.

The overwhelming majority of people that struggle with dating on these subs are from the Midwest, let’s face it Midwest dating for gay men is awful, idk how many teens I’ve seen asking for dating advice and how common relocating to an entirely different city is.

I live in northeast Ohio, in Akron, it’s a midsized city but has a microscopic gay dating scene. Most gay activities or spaces are geared towards older men. Theres only one club that has Gen Z kids here and for me I can’t go, I work weekends, and I dont even want to because im just not a night out partying guy. For people that don’t enjoy bar hopping every weekend, apps are their only other reliable option, there are very few queer sports leagues or activities and again, most are filled by millennials and Gen X. I’ve been to a queer volunteer event for a scholarship and I was the youngest guy there.

Dating apps are horrible, not a new statement, but they’re awful because they remove the nuances from human interaction, and to effectively be able to use one, you have to be willing to open your dating radius often 100+miles out, go through the same monotonous intros with people, drive long distances, spend a decent amount of money and work multiple apps essentially like a second or 3rd job all while keeping the mental fortitude that there’s light at the end of the tunnel in face of the majority of convos and dates going nowhere.

None of this is easy, it’s EXTREMELY hard, compared to our straight peers our age, who could realistically just ask for the number of the opposite gender at a mall and walk out by the end of the day with a few numbers. Or our older gays whose social climate was far different than now.

it’s always baffled me that I’ve been told I don’t try hard enough, or other people are defeatist or have self esteem issues for not wanting to put in that kind of effort and accept that realistically their chances of finding a partner is unlikely. Gay dating is exhausting, it’s boring and it’s demoralizing work of sifting through dirt to find gold.

So I feel so bad after having sex. I’m verse but I’ve been topping for a while now, I’m not trying to boast but I know I have good D cause I’m always told I do. Anyways I always feel so bad after sex. Like it feels good during but i feel like it makes me so exhausted after and I feel like I’m wasting so much good nutrition lol. I don’t know why I feel like this but I think I gotta stop giving into my flesh.