An Open Letter to My New Sisters
Dear Sister,
I know you’ve struggled and have so many questions. “Is it too late?” “Will I ever pass?” “If I come out will I lose people?”, and many more that sit in the back of your mind; more still that have yet to even form. As I sit here at nearly 46 years old, four years from when I first came out and six months away from three years on HRT I would like to impart wisdom I gained along the way.
First, not everyone will accept you for who you are, but you should do it anyway. Unless doing so would place you directly in harm's way -as in coming out would result in the certainty of assault, your parents throwing you out, or would create an abusive home environment- take that first step… It’s worth it. It is not hyperbole to say transition saved my life, and though the world sometimes feels hostile and unjust and things with family and friends have not always been easy, it is absolutely worth it. The thing most trans women don’t tell you about starting HRT is before you see physical changes you will feel them. A sense of better well-being will occur before you ever see breasts, you may even gain access to emotions that you didn’t really have before and frankly sometimes can’t identify (which if I am being honest is both exhilarating and a little terrifying at times).
The lessons I have learned as an estrogen taker. If you are starting with micro dosing the pills are fine, but if/ when you decide to go all the way the pills are a PITA. Of all the options -pills, patches, gels, injection, and implants- pills are the absolute worst because -at least in the U.S.- you end up taking so many at once and the best way to take them is sublingually (under the tongue), and implant -if available in your country- is the most liked option, followed by injection both of which have better absorption than the pills or topical solutions. For my U.S. girlies, Spironolactone suuuuuuucks! -And is not necessary after several months on full doses of E especially though injection- Most trans women I have known personally have ended up ditching the Spiro, first you piss like a race horse, are constantly thirsty and craving salt; in some cases may make you depresso espresso. (please note this is based on personal experience, the relayed experiences of other trans women, and the medical knowledge I have gained through self advocacy and being trans, I am not a medical professional and please consult yours before doing anything)
When it comes to building a new wardrobe, thrifting and clothing swaps are your friend! Your body is about to go through several changes. You may gain weight, lose weight, likely grow breasts; may lose height, hand size and shoe size (the science behind this is wild and you should look it up.). If you buy retail you are gonna burn through a lot of money while you change clothing sizes, and more over styles as you figure yours out. For hair I recommend Strands for Trans it is an org of registered trans friendly hair places and is international.
People are going to have questions and it is perfectly okay to not know the answer, or be disinclined to do so, you do not owe other people answers. You also don’t have to have it all figured out right away. When I started HRT I only knew I was miserable and that transition felt like it might help, biggest leap of faith in my life. It is perfectly fine to change names several times, wait to change it, or even not change it at all; it is your name you get to decide what works for you. Same with pronouns.
Lastly, you are valid, you are loved, you are wanted, and you are beautiful; sometimes it just takes a little work to find your people. I wish you all the luck and love in the world my dearest sister.
With Love,
Your Big Sister, Cadence