Morals?
I'm a 25 F, virgin
I'm someone who believes in sex after marriage but I did try to bend around that belief
My sexual experience is that I have made out with 2 girls prior to this interaction with the guy
I let the guy who was pursuing me for sexual intimacy suck on my tits and lick my navel 3 to 4 times in his car during the span of 2 months.
I kinda knew his intentions weren't genuine from the start but I was going through a rough patch and I had no one, he was there available no matter how much I pushed him away in the beginning
He used to push my boundaries and I felt like yeah let me do it at that moment but later ended up having deep regrets.
Ik it's just tits and navel still I feel this crumbling sense of guilt and regret all the time now
I heard he got drunk and told his friends that he has done me 2 to 3 times and once the videos arrive he will show them
Initially I was afraid he might have just recorded us getting intimate in his car then I started having regrets about letting a guy who thought I was a conquest do stuff for me
It all became too much anxiety panic and guilt regret about what I have done
I then started convincing myself it's ok I had to have that experience to know I am not Lesbian atleast now I know I'm bi
Then I told myself I made him do body worship for me so i should not feel bad about the entire ordeal but no matter what I feel so bad at the end of the day it feels like I have committed some horrible crime
I am not able to navigate my emotions i question myself if I liked him if i still like him I'm a mess
On one end i fear if he has made any videos on another end i feel I so stupid that i got manipulated so easily i just don't know how I should look at this entire thing