u/SnooMacarons4155

I just enjoy the feeling of completely shocking my body with absolute cold water, and then feeling the sensation of the water warming up, and my body acclimating to the new temperature. It puts my body into a state that is better than alcohol.

I don’t like the idea of constantly seeing myself in a place that’s supposed to feel restful. It makes the room feel less private and somehow more sterile. Bathrooms make sense because they’re functional, but bedroom mirrors feel intrusive. If I could choose, I’d never have one in there.

I grew up never really feeling safe anywhere. School was a place of rejection and humiliation, where I was mocked, left out, and made to feel like I didn’t belong. I wanted so badly to be accepted, to play sports, to feel chosen for once, but I was always picked last, the kid people argued over having on their team. Those moments seemed small to everyone else, but they stayed with me and slowly became the way I saw myself.

Then I would go home, and it didn’t stop there. Home never felt safe either. I was mocked and jeered at there too, until eventually I spent most of my time hiding in my room because it was the only place I could disappear for a while. I used to cry myself to sleep as a kid and pray that God would take me, because even then I already felt like there was something wrong with me that I could never fix.

I’ve been to therapy and counselling, but these thoughts still hold onto me. I’m 40 now, and I still can’t fully escape the beliefs that were built into me as a child. They don’t feel irrational, they feel like truth carved into my life through years of rejection, neglect, and mental abuse.

So I spend my life making sure everyone else is okay. Part of it is because I genuinely want to be a good person. But another part is because I see myself as nothing. Like I don’t deserve to take up space or even be an afterthought in someone else’s mind. The best way I can describe it is like being an NPC in a game—the background character chopping wood with one repeated animation. Always there, useful to others maybe, but never truly seen, never truly known, and never important enough for anyone to stop and talk to.

I don’t even know why I’m saying all of this, this isn't even the tip of the iceberg of things I deal with. Maybe I just needed to finally put it somewhere outside my own head. I’m hurting. I’m tired. And if you pray, please pray for me. Pray for the people carrying silent battles like this every day. Mental health struggles can hollow a person out while they still smile and function on the outside. Some of us are trying our best just to make it through another day.

Just wanted to put good thoughts out there. Remember, no matter how you feel about yourself God loves you, He wants a relationship with you. Put yourself in His arms fully He is waiting for you with open arms.

The reason this is so much more comfortable is because one arm stays cooler, and therefore regulating your body temperature better! Plus the sensation of that sleeve being soaked and pressing on your body keeps you calm, cool, and collected.

It has to be left sock off, right sock on. You get just the right amount of traction, and also the right amount of heat and cooling. You can slide around corners if you want. Either way it is the best way to live.

Think about it, you didn't work at it properly to have that baby, they are born out of test tubes, and are more relatable to Frankenstein's monster than actual human beings. Those scientists could be using your DNA for all kinds of shenanigans.