I am 46 male, raised my autistic child alone for 10 years. Now I’m scared I’ll regret not having more. I do not want to be alone when i am in my 70th
I’m 46 male. For ten years I raised my autistic child on my own. I don’t think people who haven’t done it understand what that takes — the appointments, the school fights, the nights, the fact that there’s no one to tap in when you’re done. I did it, and I’d do it again, but it was hard in a way I still don’t have good words for.
What I didn’t expect is the thing that’s keeping me up now. It isn’t the past. It’s the future. I lie awake afraid that I’ll regret not having more children, and that I’m going to end up alone.
I don’t know if that’s a real regret or just what exhaustion turns into after a decade. I don’t know if it’s grief for a life I didn’t get to have, or fear of a quiet house later on. Some nights it feels like both.
If you’ve been here single parent, older, past the window or close to it — how did you make peace with it? Did the fear pass, or did you just learn to live next to it? I’d rather hear something honest than something reassuring.
My son now is over 18 and live in group home.