r/SingleParents

Single mom of a 3-year-old here looking for advice.

My ex and I separated when my daughter was 1.5, and we share 50/50. I only get half her time, so I’ve always been very attentive and present with her.

But I went back to work 3 months ago and I’m burning out. Bedtime is taking so long, we start at 7pm, but she won’t fall asleep until 9:30 and insists I stay cuddling the whole time.

Part of me feels guilty because I want to soak up every minute and be her comfort person, especially with only 50% time. But I’m so exhausted and getting no time to decompress after a gruelling bedtime routine. I don’t enjoy it, I’m so exhausted and I can’t handle it anymore - I feel like such a failure for my daughter.

Has anyone been through this? Any advice?

With Mother's day just past and father's day upcoming, I need opinions. Do you wish the Non-Custodial or uninvolved parent "Happy (insert title) Day"?

My BD texted me happy mother's Day at 10pm, and I didn't text him last year and don't plan to this year.

Single mother to a 2 yo.

I want companionship/connection with someone but at the end of the day, I feel so drained that I don’t know if I have the energy to prioritize someone else alongside my son or to risk getting to know someone only for it to go no where.

I’m pouring time and energy into myself and my son, and I am fine with it being just us two but sometimes I find myself wishing…

Does anyone else feel this way where they want a relationship but don’t at the same time?

When would it be too early in seeing someone to invite them over to your house to spend time when the kids are in bed? For some context: I am a single mum to a little boy with autism and a learning disability, he really doesn’t understand much. I have next to no support so I don’t get a lot of free time which makes dating hard. The dad is not in the picture and has no involvement so no days off.
I have been dating this guy for a few months and I do trust him a lot. My son always sleeps through the night so I have no worries that he’d wake up during the couple hours the guy is in the home and even if he did, my son wouldn’t even understand seeing a guy there tbh. I wouldn’t want him to spend the night either, it’s just to see each other for a couple hours at night as it’s hard to get time for me to go out and see him.
What are people’s thoughts?

Edit: ITS NOT ANOUT SEX. So many people assuming it’s for that but it’s to spend quality time with a person

I am a single parent without family or friends nearby. Two of my children are involved in sports (my son will be starting this fall, my daughter has been in volleyball for 3 years). My daughter is going into HS and I just received the practice schedule for the HS team. Her practices are 3-4 days/week, all summer long, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. I work full-time, obviously, because I am only one financially supporting us. There is no way I can logistically make this work with her practices, not to mention how I will get two separate kids to two separate games at the same time once those start? I told my daughter, she is going to have to find someone on the team who has a parent I can ask to drive her to/from practice for gas money, otherwise, she won’t be able to play.

This got me thinking though- who the hell makes these schedules? Don’t other people have to work? My kids could be spending their time getting into trouble, doing drugs, etc, but instead they want to play sports, but because it’s set up for SAHMs or people with retired parents who can help, my kids just have to miss out? Isn’t this just setting up kids of single parents (or of two working parents!) up for failure?!

Has anyone else came upon this issue as a single parent? What do you even do?

It’s finally time… I need to get a lawyer and file for custody of my children. I’ve been trying for nearly two years to co-parent with their father but he’s an alcoholic and regularly chooses to drink instead of fulfilling his obligations to parenting them.
I know I have a solid case to get full custody with supervised visits. He’s drove drunk with them recently and does not have adequate/safe housing for them (documented so many instances of bad/unsafe behavior these past few months).

He’s been coming to my house to hangout/watch them twice a week when I work night shifts and he feels like a glorified babysitter. We had a verbal agreement to 50/50 until his housing situation changed (very much a choice he made), then basically forced my hand to be full-time solo parent. Now it’s at the point I need something in writing to protect the kids and for their safety.

My question is… how do I go about finding a lawyer to file custody? Where do I turn for resources other than a google search? I’ve never had to get a lawyer in my life so it feels very intimidating.. this whole situation is breaking my heart for my kids, they see it, my daughter makes comments about his drinking and she’s only 6.

Right now my daughter is in daycare full time while I work, but she’s honestly outgrown it. She’s really smart, loves learning, and recently told me she feels like she “doesn’t learn anything” there and doesn’t really connect with the other kids. It broke my heart a little hearing that from a 4 year old.

I decided to give her one more year before kindergarten and enroll her in a private preschool that actually has a curriculum and structure. I toured it this week and it honestly feels amazing for her. Smaller classes, actual learning, security measures, teachers who seem incredible, etc. I somehow got the last open spot. She’ll finish out the summer at her current daycare and start the new school year there in August.

My problem is… the school day ends at 3:15, and I work full time. I’ll still be at work well past pickup time. I don’t really have anyone consistently available to pick her up and I’m already stretching myself financially to afford the tuition. I can’t really afford another after-school program on top of it.

I feel stuck because this opportunity feels SO good for her academically and emotionally, but the logistics are stressing me out badly.

Has anyone navigated something similar? What did you end up doing for childcare after school? I’m trying to figure this out without giving up an opportunity that could really help her thrive.

Im not going to too much about the reason for my situation, basically its a really bad divorce because of my own stupidity and the result is that I will be with my 3 youngest kids and she’ll stay with the oldest.

Kids are 8, 3, 2, and 1. Being that I have the youngest it’s hard to find work and housing but I am staying with my parents for now with only 2 days that they can help with the kids during the week.

I’m hoping that someone has knowledge or experience of how to get back on my feet being broke and unable to obtain better living arrangements. And on top of all that being very depressed about the situation.

If anyone knows ways to find cheap daycare or housing, job opportunities please let me know.. thanks

Hi, I have a different kind of question. I have a close to 6 year old daughter and twin 18 month old boys. We are about to be moving into our own 2 bedroom apartment, there is a primary bedroom and a smaller one and a decent size living area which will also need to include a dining area. My daughter has been sleeping with me for the last 7 months or so because she was having some scaries and I was okay with it. One of the twins sleeps well in his own crib and one ends up sleeping with dad every night by the middle of the night as it is now. So I expect him to be wanting to sleep with me in our new place. ( I’m generally okay with co sleeping with my kids ) - I just feel unsure of how to set up the bedrooms , I will definitely make one room the boys room , but should I make the primary room a bedroom for both my daughter and I and keep the living room, that, a living room. Or should I give my daughter the other room so that she has her own space and put a day bed that is comfortable enough for me in the living room for myself and make it my area ? I don’t expect to get much private time to myself in my room anyway if you know what I mean . What have others done in similar situations?

My biggest life saver has been AuntySg (but it’s only for Singapore)- I can hire by the hour babysitters in the neighbourhood (it took a while for me to trust and vet).
The only other app I have is JustDid to track my kid’s appointment/reminder the last time I deep cleaned my fridge/medicine drawer for expiry etc.

I wonder if there are more hacks/apps that can help. I’m a millenial working single mom with no stay in help, no village/family support. So whatever makes it easier for me to reduce mental load helps!!

I’m a single mom to a boy and lately I keep thinking about the possibility of dating another single mom and eventually blending our families. You know, moving in together, the kids becoming like siblings, sharing the daily stuff as a couple. It’s just something that’s been in my head as a daydream.

Is this actually a thing people do? Has anyone dated another single mom and made a family blend work? How did the kids handle it? Would love to hear real experiences, good or bad.

I am breaking. I honestly don’t understand how anyone can do this alone. I hate my life.
I have 3 kids ages 5-10. Two of them need me ALL THE TIME. Like I cannot leave their sight or they might freak out. The oldest is very angsty due to her dad being a shit parent and always gone. I have to give one a bath, the other one needs homework help, the other one needs attention. I literally feel like I’m being ripped in 3 directions all the time. I have no help, their dad is unemployed and when he does come around to visit he doesn’t help me out in anyway whatsoever. I make $22/hr so we’re broke too. What is even the point.

How much effort would you take in trying to track down a father?

I am very newly pregnant. I had planned on doing solo motherhood by choice in a year or two when I was more financially stable. However I had a hook up from a dating app where condom broke and plan B failed (like it has for me in the past, but that was in a committed relationship). When I told him I'm worried I might be pregnant, he told me he wasn't ready to be a father and unmatched me on the app. I only know first name, city he lives in, employer and his hometown but he did tell me one of his relatives was a relatively well known person with an identifying detail and I was able to find out who they are. He doesn't know any details about me that he could track me down if he changes his mind. I could track down who he is through a private investigator or reaching out to people from his hometown/his relative to at least give him the option to be involved once baby is here but I don't know how extra that is? I wish I could've given him my contact information before he blocked so he could at least get a hold of me if he changes his mind.

How much effort would you put into giving him a chance to be involved? I am of the camp that as long as a father isn't abusive, he should be told he has a child. But idk what to do in this situation when he's pretty much made any communication impossible and made it difficult to find him.

been a few months and it’s not getting any better we have tried and tried to make it work but i just don’t think it’s going to. we’re only 19 and this has been the most depressing 7 months without being with my kid every day (he’s 1yr 3 months).
any way to help this or am i gonna feel like this forever.

My ex (father of our child) blocked me on social media after we broke up and I chose to keep our baby. He was not there for any of my pregnancy up until her birth where he quickly changed his mind but did not come to the birth and has only met her three times in person because he decided to move overseas. I have had to individually send him videos and photos and do calls to mediate between him and baby. I’ve reached breaking point and I feel like I give so much of my energy catering to him and trying to be there for him so he can build a good relationship for his daughter but at the cost of my own mental health. I don’t want to interact with him so closely, he’s in another country partying and living responsibility free while I’ve picked it all up for him and also tried my best to ensure a good connection between them both. Our baby is only 5 months old. I have asked him to unblock me on social media’s and he can get updates about her on there. I’m done doing daily interactions with him, I want nothing to do with him and I’m already doing way more than I should have to considering he barely lifts a finger for his own baby. He couldn’t even change a diaper when we went to visit him. The most I will do now is have a monthly video call between them and the rest he can just see on my stories posts.

I really don't want that statement to be true but the backstory is I went out with a colleague and we were talking about side hustles and I said I just want to help single moms architect their lives ..she they dont want any help.

I don't want that to be true but I know I can be delusional... I know that when I was starting out as a single mom if only I had a mentor or a plan or was able to see what was possible I would work night and day towards it. But idk.. I know we cant make blanket statements but during what case is it true that they/we dont want help and what help is actually useful?

Does parenting every get easier? For example my kids are young yet am constantly worried about if theyve eaten enough, if they drinking enough water, if they clothes are clean if they shoe laces are tied, worried they going to fast on their bikes. Will it get easier as they grow or is there more stress as they get older?

When I was a kid I remember spending a lot of time in my room by myself - playing, reading, thinking.

Now I have two kids who are 8 and 4, and they never want to spend any time in their room without me. They always want to be with me hanging out, always within a short distance of wherever I am.

Is this something that happens when you’re a single parent? I feel like my parents kind of had their separate space and I didn’t really want to spend all my time with them.

I get so tired of my friends and family trying to pressure me into taking my kids to go do things that I know are not going to be good time or just a huge stressful situation.

People that only have one kid have no clue how hard it is to have that 2:1 ratio at that age.

Sometimes I just say no and let them feel however about it. Sometimes I give it a try in case I’m wrong, but have right so far every time.

My favorite is my mom telling them to be quiet 78 times in the hour that we are at a restaurant because she wants to go out to dinner 🙃