r/SingleParents

I’m 49F with two kids ages 8 and 11. My husband and I split up this past January after he disclosed an affair with a younger coworker.

Ive remained in the marital home with the kids and he moved directly into his affair partners apartment.

We agreed that he would visit the kids at my place (ie our marital home) as it was too soon for them to know about the affair partner or meet her. He sees them about 12-18 hours a week at my place or he takes them out for activities. When he comes over I usually leave before he arrives as we are low contact. Although we are low contact we are “amicable” in that there isn’t any fighting or drama and we are generally able to agree on coparenting matters.

We plan on a long term legal separation agreement rather than a divorce. In part because he wants to keep things out of court because his affair violated workplace policy and could result in his termination which would be financially terrible for both of us. We have a draft separation agreement we’re been operating under but it has not yet been signed. I left a very lucrative career to be a stay at home mom, while he has had a very successful career. he has been voluntarily paying me the presumptive child support and alimony amounts that reflect this income disparity and the extra parenting labor I do.

It’s now been 8 months since we split, and I’m aware that soon we will need to finalize our separation agreement. I feel that he needs to take on more parenting responsibilities rather than continuing to be a “visitor” and Disney dad who just takes the kids out for activities. He needs to have a couple overnights a week and fully act as their father. Both for the kids and for him and frankly also for me as doing it all alone has been tough.

The thing is I don’t feel comfortable with my kids going to or having overnights at his affair partner’s apartment. There is an extra bedroom there that they could theoretically share during visits. But it feels very soon for them to meet her and of course I can admit there are still some hard feelings on my part about her role in all of this, with her knowing he had a wife and kids but moving forward with him anyway. I feel that her involvement denied me an amicable breakup and him living with her has complicated the logistics of his time with the kids. Of course my greater anger is towards him but I still have feelings about her too. With that said I’m dating and am so much happier without him. But vacating our home every time he visits isn’t sustainable for me. I could choose to remain at home but I don’t enjoy being around him.

As we negotiate our final separation agreement, I’m considering asking him to get his own place so he can host the kids without his affair partner/girlfriend present. At least for a year to see if their relationship lasts before my kids meet her. I realize that many parents choose to introduce a romantic partner much sooner but if I have the ability to delay this I would prefer that. And because he very much wants to keep things out of court, I have some leverage to ask for this.

I’d be interested in any thoughts on my proposal that he get his own place for a year or so he can host his kids without his girlfriend present. I’m fully aware he’d still be living with his girlfriend at all other times.

I’m 46 male. For ten years I raised my autistic child on my own. I don’t think people who haven’t done it understand what that takes — the appointments, the school fights, the nights, the fact that there’s no one to tap in when you’re done. I did it, and I’d do it again, but it was hard in a way I still don’t have good words for.
What I didn’t expect is the thing that’s keeping me up now. It isn’t the past. It’s the future. I lie awake afraid that I’ll regret not having more children, and that I’m going to end up alone.
I don’t know if that’s a real regret or just what exhaustion turns into after a decade. I don’t know if it’s grief for a life I didn’t get to have, or fear of a quiet house later on. Some nights it feels like both.
If you’ve been here single parent, older, past the window or close to it — how did you make peace with it? Did the fear pass, or did you just learn to live next to it? I’d rather hear something honest than something reassuring.
My son now is over 18 and live in group home.

I work full time and I've slowly accepted that I can't spend every evening catching up on housework.
The dishwasher runs after dinner, the robot vacuum does the floors while I'm at work, and I usually do grocery pickup on the way home. None of it sounds like much, but having a few things happen without me standing there doing them has helped a lot.
I'd rather have that extra half hour with my kid than spend it cleaning the kitchen. These little shortcuts have honestly become part of how I get through the week.

Hi everyone! I’m hoping to get some REAL insight into dating as a single parent from people who have done it.

I’ve been single for coming on 3 years. I have 4 children aged between 2-11. We have 50/50 custody week on week off. I haven’t dated anyone or introduced anybody to my children in this time as I was working on myself and focussing on my kids. For the past 2 months I have been seeing someone. He is divorced, no children due to male infertility, owns his home, works full time in a successful high up corporate role, has a niece and nephew whom he adores. Our relationship has flourished beautifully. At first he was quite worried about 4 children as he hasn’t got any but he has openly said he has come around to the idea and is willing to be a step parent.

What I’d like to know is when is the “right time” for him to meet my children? 2 are above the age of 8, 2 are below the age of 5. They have a step mum and she’s been around since 6 weeks post break up. They understand the dynamics of step parents. I’m absolutely NOT planning on doing this anytime soon so please don’t stress! I just would love some guidance as to what would be an ideal time. My worries are:
What if the kids don’t like him?
What if he doesn’t like the kids?
What if it’s too much for him? Or the kids?

Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing your suggestions and experiences 🩷

Like many of you, I (39m) prioritize my two kiddos but still want some kind of connection with people. I'm with them all the time and will be traveling to Japan in the summer for a month! But before we get there, I have down time at night and I just want to get to know people like in the 90s.

I have messenger, discord and I found out you can message here. I'd definitely want some lasting friendships for sure. I sometimes play games at 9:30 pm to 11pm.

Just a bit about my situation. I'm with the kids majority of the time and their mom stays with my oldest for an hour then she drops them off home from school (she teaches but treats them as trophy kids). I've been working on myself before even thinking about dating. I went from 240lbs to 205 (I got to be my best before I give someone else my time and for the kids of course) my goal is to be 180 - 190.

Not sure if I'm doing the whole Reddit thing right but happy to meet everyone and hang in there! We are single parents because life knew we can handle that weight!

Edit: just wanted to say I'll make a discord for us single parents. Your time may not align with my time 100% but maybe it'll align with other single parents here too. I feel relieved that I'm not the only one who feels like I'm in a quiet spot after the kids are gone or sleeping. Thank you for everyone who reach out and you can always continue to reach out to me!

I have an urgent hearing next week as my girls’ dad refused to return them last week after one of their three times a year visits.
He has been weaponising the threat of court for years whenever I don’t do what he wants, so I filed.

Apparently I have a very good case but I’m still so scared, I’m waking up yelling from nightmares now.

Does anyone have any advice on how I prepare? I have a smart outfit and a list of key points for my solicitor, what else should I be doing?

I (26F) broke up with my partner (38M) about 2 months ago and we still live together. We have 1 daughter who is 1yr old. We never got married. I really want to move out for my own sanity because living here with him is so stressful. He’s a good dad but a bad partner kinda situation. Unfortunately I live in a small city with bad employment rates. Closest big city would be phoenix. Has anyone else moved cities like this? How did you get over the guilt? Is moving in with roommates in shared house okay with a kid? His family lives around the phoenix area so I wouldn’t be alone. I just don’t know what to do.

Hey Everyone!

In the works of filing for divorce. Been separated for a couple weeks. Husband is leaving me for an older woman... and has thrown multiple curveball at me for several weeks now of wanting to fix it, then the next day being a butthead. I could really use some friendly voices, and just people to chat with. Been feeling the emotions recently and hate that my son has to feel them with me. But I've been told kids at this age are resilient, not that it makes it any less hurtful. Anyways, would love to just have some friendly people to chat with!

Thanks 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Not sure where to start. I 32F have a 4 year old with my ex 38M. We were never married. We had our child 4years into knowing each other, during that 4 years we dated but not consecutively. I broke up with him when I was about 6mo pregnant. He was rasing his voice and cussing at me and I knew I didnt want to my child to witness that ever. Or worse, to normalize that behavior to my child.

We continued to “work together” until our child was born (mostly doctors appointments together etc). We never lived together during or after pregnancy.

Year 1 of parenting he was doing him aka whatever he wanted and even took a job in another city (5hours away). Year 2 he started asking for his family back 🙄
Year 3 really started pushing to get his family back.

Eventually at about 3.5 years in I said it wont happen and have been firm. I was considering it before, but I can’t… its too much there to unpack. We’ve since been to mediation and have a court agreement for custody and visitation.

DESPITE this and him having a girlfriend now, he calls to terrorize me about our past, calling me all sorts of liars and has even gone to say he will be the “boogeyman” for the next 13years. I believe him. I would rather deal with a deadbeat than a man who didn’t get his way.

I even worry I wouldn’t be able to date. That he would harm me or anyone I try to be with. (I’ve been single this entire time, since him).

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has ever dealt with someone similar and if their behavior ever changed? Or if you have a difficult co-parent how do/did you cope?

My ex (39M) and I (41F) broke up over Mothers Day. I am curious what other folks think is reasonable to want on such a holiday from a committed long term partner you have been with for 11 months.

I do not have an amicable relationship with my eleven year old child’s father. Ex-partner is not father of my child. My child has met my ex partner and reluctantly tolerated him.

Other background info-
My ex’s mom was out of the country from mid Nov to mid-March and he hadn’t yet seen her since her return (not that he didn’t have ample other opportunities)

I didn’t have my kid on Fri-Sat of Mothers Day weekend but she was with me 8am Sun/Mothers Day so I couldn’t easily drive 6 hours with my ex to see his mom and six hours back in time to receive my kid at home on Sun morning.

Option 1) partner leaves town to visit his friends, niece/nephew, and of course, his mom the Sat morning right before Mothers Day and stays through the weekend. Stays in contact with me on Sat but on Mothers Day itself, simply wishes me a Happy Mothers Day and asks what my plans are for the day

Option 2) partner offers to stay in town and celebrate Mother’s Day with me and my child. Perhaps visits his own mother and family/friends the following weekend.

Option 3) something I’m not thinking of?

My preference is clearly #2 but I didn’t ask for it and my partner never offered. Ended up with a lot of hurt feelings, miscommunication, passive aggressive behavior (on my part) and ultimately break up over email/text!

*I know my mistake was not asking for what I wanted up front and in advance, but I also didn’t ask bc I didn’t think it was reasonable at the time. So asking now if it is reasonable so that I have more confidence asking for it in the future.

I'm in Hampton Roads, Va. I feel like it lacks so much that isn't overpriced. It's beach or swampy marshland. There's little to do inside during the heat or cold for kids that doesn't cost an arm or leg. Unfortunately, we're stuck here until my kids are 18 since their dad lives here and we'd bear the cost burden of them traveling for visits if we moved. Our support system is also here. I'm tired of the cost and lack of activities, the heat. I grew up here and just desperately want to go somewhere new further up north. I'm just venting here since I know many divorced parents are in the same boat. My kids are only 4 and 5, so we have a long ways to go! Thanks for reading my rant. ​

I feel like my life just got flipped upside down. I have 50/50 custody of my 14yo, one week at a time. It’s been like that since she was 3. To make a long story short, my daughter despises her stepmom and I don’t blame her. Kiddo is a great kid; never gets in trouble at school and every adult loves her. Except stepmom. There are a lot of factors that underlie that but I won’t get into them. My daughter and I have an excellent relationship… she’s a typical teen who occasionally cops an attitude and argues but 100% of the time she will circle back and apologize to me. I have no issues with her other than the fact that she will not clean her room.

She finally had enough. She put her foot down and said she no longer wants to be at her dad’s. He didn’t fight it, or hasn’t yet. So now she’s with me full-time. I get no child support and there’s no way a court would approve this custody change so it’ll have to remain a verbal agreement with no support.

The one thing making parenting easier for me was that I work from home. On Tuesday, my company announced they’d be sending everyone back to offices. For no real reason. Just because.

So now I have her full-time and I’m going back to an office. All at once with no opportunity to adjust to one change before dealing with the next.

And to top it off… I recently started dating the most wonderful man. We had identical custody schedules so we had every other week to be a couple and spend time together and now I don’t even know when we’ll see each other. It’s too early to introduce my daughter to him and because of certain circumstances it’s going to be a LONG time before that happens. If I have to lose my relationship for the sake of being there for my kid, so be it. But I would be incredibly sad because this man is everything I want. Sigh.

I’m so tired of pretending that I’m okay when inside I feel completely exhausted, overwhelmed, and alone.

I’m a single mother like so many of you here, and while I love my children, I don’t love the life I’m living right now.I feel isolated and drained.

I feel angry at their father for not showing up. I’m tired of lying, tired of acting like I’m fine, tired of carrying everything on my own.

The truth is that I’m unhappy with my life and with so many of the decisions I’ve made.It hurts to admit this, but I feel alone in every sense. I have no family around, no support, no one to lean on. And some days, I just hate the life I’m stuck in.

I'm going to make a long story short, but she was getting out of a marriage for several months already, and I had already been out of mine for 4 years. She reached out and treated me like I was her love, telling me she loves me and cares about me. We were long distance but met up and also kept talking on the phone. I helped console her when her parent passed away. We were working on ways on how to move closer and not be long distance. She even met my child, as I'm a single dad...

Out of the blue she started telling me she doesn't think she wants a relationship but that she cares about me. The odd thing is, rather than fight it, like I did once before, I said okay. I agree, we can work on things slowly and maybe one day but no pressure...then she changed topic and started saying I was smothering her and it was all just too much...and I'm like? We barely text because you're busy, then the weekends your busy, and now I'm too much? I scaled it down quite a bit...so I stupidly sent her a message saying I didn't appreciate her starting this conversation literally whilst I was at my child's graduation! And told her to leave me alone, etc. Well, she blocked me. A month goes by, I noticed she unblocked me. I missed her so bad the entire time and friend requested her again, which I shouldn't have done. She started writing to me asking why I'm "in and out of her life", to which I said you are the one who wanted me gone, right? She changed topic in regards to the graduation conversation and started complaining about something else. I said, if you felt smothered, you could tell me so, and we could establish boundaries to work through it. It's all about communication.

This time, I messed up. I proceeded to block her because she kept on disrespecting me and typing in all caps. I left it alone and unblocked her literally within 10 mins. Well, guess what, she blocks me permanently on all places & left it like that for over a week now.

But I acknowledged whatever faults and shortcomings I had to work on, whereas I never felt heard or listened to when I would explain how I felt...I realize this was all so toxic and not as nice as it started, but I also felt like this was all because she was secretly talking to her ex-husband again. Which according to her isn't true...but he was still on her Facebook reacting to each status. At the end of it all we went from telling each other we love each other to "idk what this was" and eventually me getting blocked.

So I don't know the truth, and I really don't think sharing this story may have been very helpful, but I'm seeking advice. I am super distraught and hurt by this. I really saw a future with this woman and adored her deeply. But it seems like none of this was reciprocated. After 10 months she didn't even tell her mom about me, which I was upset about.

All this to say it's been a week now and I'm really, truly suffering. I want some advice how to deal. I have work next week and I cannot even focus. I worked out today to try to calm the pain and was almost ready to have a full on breakdown. I miss and care about this person, but it's all one sided, and I'm the villain whose permanently blocked now.

I think my system is heavily dysregulated because I'm no longer functioning or able to do basic tasks. I have been so super depressed. I think I just realized this lady used me to get over her ex husband and is possibly back with him? Why else would the guy still be reacting to EVERY status she makes on FB? But I'm blocked like absolute trash, all because I eventually wanted to have a future with her.

I'm already 100% isolated in life, and with being a single dad, this hurts extremely bad. I don't even have it in me to "improve" anymore. There's no more improvement to be made. I have done everything I could and this was supposedly going to be the best chapter after the horrible downfall of my marriage, but now look...I really am shocked that this lady who acted so innocent, wholesome, professional, and family oriented can just put me on block like a wholeheartedly evil individual, something I never saw from her. I'm really sick to the bottom of my stomach and cannot get over this.

I’ve been a freelancer makeup artist for commercial photo shoots and events for 20 years. In my industry, there are no full time/part time positions as they hire freelancers for each gigs.

I’ve been separated for 5 yrs and the partner and I always had a flex schedule for my two young kids but I had them 60/40. I had them Fri&Sat every weekend for over 4 years till last Nov when I asked for it to be every other weekend.

I recently have been taken to court, with stipulations with the flex schedule and solid Holiday plans which has not finalized and we have a follow up court coming in 2 weeks. They have an attorney and I declined for assigned attorney because I have always been accommodating, appreciative, and understanding with the fact that I am a freelancer and thought the stipulations I wanted revised or added were reasonable as I always do prioritize the kids. I never took them to child support due to their threats to me about suicide, how they don’t have anything, and that I would owe them support because I own my apt, I have investments and they have nothing. I have an Scorp, I pay myself and he has an LLC and he pays himself and I know for sure that I make less than him.

The first appearance in court in front of the judge happened last week. The judge did not like my freelance life, although I have been the main provider for their babysitter fee, camp fee, main saver for their 529 etc, main provider for vacation and extra curricular class fees as well as the one that owns my own apt and don’t have a partner that kicks my kids out of their home when she is upset. In the stipulation he mentions he is open for flexibility but wants solid even/odd holiday schedule. She definitely hinted that my schedule isn’t providing a steady home.

I just found out I’m working M-F in another state and the following week in another state M-F. I had the kids this weekend and next week is his weekend but because I am gone all week these next 2 weeks, I asked him if he would give me the kids next weekend so we all don’t have to go thru 16 days without seeing each other which he declined. He doesn’t have any plans for the weekend but he said he will refuse to change any weekends which wasn’t voiced in the stipulation. If the goal is to prioritize the kids needs, without negative interactions between the parents, I feel as though him declining to give me next weekend and depriving the kids from Mom time isn’t prioritizing the kids needs.

He keeps telling me to get a real job, although this is my career which I’ve been working on for the last 20 years which I have a steady source of income from, definitely more than he does as I’ve been paying for majority of my kids enrichments in education and extra curriculums. If I start declining jobs, I may start loosing work and income as well.

Location: New York

Ive been divorced almost 4 years. I filed everything myself. My Ex got an attorney because he didnt know how to do any of the paperwork. Attorney stated his support payments per month were 539. His attorney threatened that if i wanted to fight or change their offer, they were to go after my retirement if I didnt agree to the support/custody agreement they put forth. I settled for 439/mo and I live in socal. I have about 75ish% custody and he has the remainder.

Fast forward to now. My roommate moved out. Im paying for everything by myself. Inflation...the cost of living is out of control. 400 bucks covers groceries for the month practically. I make a lot of food at home and pack my daughter's lunches. My ex also recently remarried.

I texted my ex and said I wanted to talk to him about the child support. That I would like to discuss an increase and see if we could agree to it ourselves instead of involving the courts with a hearing. He replied massively.

Would be willing to offer me 150 a month. Wants to overhaul the custody completely. Different days. Different pick up times, different holiday schedules, wants to claim her every other year for taxes. Wants to agree to this out of court and if I agree he would pay the legal fees to get it filed with someone.

I told him I disagree. The schedule he came up with was hectic and that low amount of support I can never agree to. He began to tell me how the schedule he put forth is common and is the same his step daughter's follow and that is aligns better with his wifes schedule so she can do pick up and drop offs.

My daughter is having a hard time in school and may need tutoring. She is very attached to me and her grandmother who has raised her along side me since she was a baby. I feel like all of this would be too disruptive for her and shes only 7. He kinda threatened me saying my work schedule doesn't provide the time she needs and will probably have to go back to court, which upset me. It was never an issue before....until I asked for an increase in support.

Has anyone gone thru this before and worked out in your favor? The unknown is weighing on me and im afraid on losing time with her and being more financially strapped.

So, my child is 5. It’s been him & I since he was a baby. Dad isn’t really in the picture, and I have limited support/village. It is rare for me to get a night off. This makes dating extremelyyyy hard.
I’ve considered inviting someone over after my child is asleep. He sleeps hard & always through the night. I of course worry about the safety. I’ve been talking to this guy for several weeks, and we haven’t had a chance to meet in person because our schedules are opposite &, well, I’m never kid-free.

Am I letting my desires take over the logical part of my brain? Would it be ridiculously stupid of me to invite someone I’ve never actually met in person to my home while my child is here?

Please be real with me, and give me some advice on how tf I’m supposed to survive the next 13 years😭

Single dad (40m) with sole custody of my 11yo daughter, I work two jobs 60+hrs/wk to make ends meet in today's economy so I'm usually dead tired when the weekend comes around. Lately we just hang out in front of the TV but she's expresses extreme boredom all the time.

I’m currently going through a divorce with someone who is a diagnosed narcissist. This is the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through and I have a three month old son. Does life really get better even when I have to see his dad every other weekend? Please tell me it gets better.

Update: I am mainly talking about finding love again and getting over the ex.

I have three little kids and getting an au pair soon to live with me and help take care of the kids. This is a good option for other single parents that need live in help, it's a similar price to one child in daycare. Just wanted to share this resource.

Also single dads can get au pairs too :)