r/SingleParents

I am 39F and divorced for 4 years. I have been dating 46 M for 2 years and need a little perspective. This is my second relationship since being divorced. I own my own home, have a good job and support myself and share custody of my son with his father. My boyfriend also has a child from a previous marriage and we don’t live together. When we first got together he was the first to say that he was only sleeping with me that he only sleeps with one person at a time that exclusivity was important to him. He was also the first to tell me he loved me. He pursued me invited me on a vacation to meet some of his friends at their wedding etc. he is very attractive and we had so much fun together that first year. He planned things, was interested in my family and child. We went on trips had good sex enjoyed cooking together. We had lovely conversations and it all seemed great.

Things feel so different now and I don’t know if it is me not seeing things clearly, that he is just not into it anymore, normal settling in to a longer term relationship or something else. We pretty much used to spend every weekend and weeknight together that we didn’t have our kids. And when we did have the kids we would still get together for dinner or game night etc fairly regularly. One night at his house about a year in he said that I couldn’t stay the night that night because his daughter just wanted the house to themselves that night. She is 15 and he has been split up from her mom for like 8 years or something. Then it turned in to that I can never spend the night when the daughter is there (week on week off). Now even when we don’t have our kids he doesn’t want to spend the night Sunday or really any day during the week because he has to get up early for work. His work schedule has not changed. He says that he tried that for a year and that he just doesn’t get good sleep with me and that it’s better for him to just sleep by himself in his own bed. I have told him it feels like something changed and he says that he loves me that he is just a better person when he gets sleep. We occasionally spend the one or two nights together every other weekend now and that’s about it.

He never plans things anymore. I feel like I have to beg to hangout. When I try and talk about what would be a good day or night to hang out on the week we don’t have kids he says he isn’t sure or that “it works if it work” or that “we will figure it out later” When we actually do spend time together that all feels different too. It’s like I feel lonely even when we are together on vacation. It also feels like he never wants to have sex. He claims to like it but he is always too full or too tired or some other thing. Even on vacation we barely have sex and any type of intimacy or affection. Any time I bring this up he says that he does do those things but that I “just want more and more” and what he does is “never enough”. I get that some people sleep hot or whatever but is it really too much to cuddle me for 3 minutes when we wake up in the morning when we are on vacation? There is never a good time. At night he doesn’t want to cuddle on the couch because that will make him sleepy. When we go to bed he just wants to go to bed and I can’t touch him at all. In the morning he either has to go to the bathroom and then immediately gets up and makes coffee no good morning kiss or anything or he wants to sleep and somehow me cuddling him a little in the morning after he has already slept 9 hours is annoying him. Whenever I try and talk to him abonar these things be says he does like being affectionate but that he doesn’t really need that and “you’ll be fine”

It is my 40th bday fairly soon and he will go but I have to pay for the Airbnb myself plan it all out and pay for any gas or activities. He thinks he spends plenty of quality time with me and says other than his daughter he spends more time with me than anyone else. I guess I just sometimes feel more like some kind of buddy than his girlfriend. He seems to prioritize friendships with other people over me. Here is an example…If we meet up with a friend of his he will spend that whole time talking to that friend, asking them questions being really engaging etc. then when we get home I am thinking ok nice we can finally have some quality time together maybe god forbid have sex. However in his mind he has just spent a ton of time with me (the time i am completely ignored while he talks to his friend) and wants to just watch tv and veg. (Spread out no touching). When i ask if he is still into it he says yes that he is giving me what he can but that he needs someone with their own life. I have hobbies friends go to the gym and take care of my son every other week. When i try and ask him in his ideal relationship how often would he want to have sex or want to see each other or spend the night he says he just doesn’t think that way. I don’t have to see him or spend the night every day but we already go a whole week where we have our kids and no overnights. Am I wanting too much to at least have the whole weekend together and maybe one other weeknight every other week?

TLDR I feel like I’m being made to do with less and less affection love care consideration over time and he feels like I am too demanding or that what he does is never enough. If I push too hard on it then he just says well if you aren’t happy then be with someone else…it’s making me crazy. Is there something wrong with me? I just want him to want to hold hands or initiate something every once and awhile.

When can I STOP giving my 1.5 yo well done steak? I'm not going to give him raw or blue, but when can I stop overcooking them? 😂😂 Help out a former chef turned first time mom

Hi all! I'm 35, have been a single Mom since I was 25. I have two kids 10, and 13. I'm buying our first home, a 3 bedroom condo and we recently adopted a dog from the shelter we've been volunteering at.

I need advice on being more frugal. Budgeting tips, shopping, couponing, anything that can help me stretch my budget and maintain a savings.

Thank you for your advice and time!

I’m widowed and single w four kids and no family around and no friends who do stuff with us in person etc

So I mthr absolutely burnt out overwhelmed adult who has to make all the holiday events etc happen

Always so depressing and stressful. Yes I’m doing it for them and no I don’t do the crying etc in front of them.

It’s so hot out and I’m so tired and lonely and alone in the adult sense. I just want to sofa rot.

I’m 28 and currently 13 weeks pregnant. This was unplanned and the father (36M) has stated multiple times he does not want to be together despite dating for 3 years.

I love my baby and have grown so attached to her already. I’m not sure how handling pregnancy and motherhood alone will affect me but I’m also prepared (so I’d like to think). I don’t have the best support system but I am financially stable enough to support me and the baby.

On the other hand, it would be selfish to bring a child into this life and not give them everything they deserve. Having an abortion would give me the opportunity to start over and redo all of the things I’ve done wrong thus far in my 20s. It would give me an easier opportunity to date and accomplish more in a shorter time frame.

If you were 28, pregnant for the first time, and told you’d be a single mom through this process, would you still continue the pregnancy or abort?

I had a few situations where it would a good hook up buddy thing, but I find myself not even wanting that. Like I do want that? Just because it would be nice and I am sorta lonely. Yet I know I would probably form an attachment and end up being hurt. I think its partly due to being a single parent and just yearning like that loving, nurturing relationship I never really got to experience as a parent (my son is 11).

I have been single for years now so the issue is not being able to enjoy my alone time (which I do). I wish I can enjoy the casual dating thing but I know how I am, I am going to bummed if I actually like someone/have sex and things don't progress. Is anyone else like that?

The title explains all. I am being left because she doesn't want to help financially, equally (which means her getting a mindless retail job, part time). This helps the family because it saves me grinding it out 80 hours a week, and because I am very efficient caring for the kids needs.

It is a cake walk for me (not for her) because I don't helicopter parent and do the on-demand entitled parenting thing (ie. Kids have chores).

I honestly don't feel that raising kids is that difficult. Not to say it's not challenging per se, but I run a household like a cake walk because I am very organized.

She acts like she has so much to do (that I don't account for) when in reality she listens to her mother, who is the demise of our impending seperation.

In summary, raising kids is like coasting in the sunset with a margarita in my hand because I know how to "say no" to kids that think they are entitled TL;DR

How do I keep on fighting a 5 years divorce battle, taking care of children routine daily, working, plan birthday parties and playdates, review homework, talk to teachers, and doing everything all on my own, and the children still choose him just because he is the fun parent? He almost made us homeless, threaten me with lawyer letters, refused child support… and somehow I am the bad parent. Is this even worth fighting for?

I am a single mom of a 5 year old and since my daughter was born life has been hell. Her dad developed schizophrenia as soon as she was born and burned down every aspect of our life, I developed an autoimmune disease and have really struggled. Next month my company has planned a 3 day trip to celebrate the company’s anniversary. The trip is at an island, it looks so rejuvenating and I feel that I will really enjoy it. I truly havent done anything fun or enjoyable for myself since she was born. My parents have been incredibly helpful throughout this time period, so I plan to have them watch her for the 3 days that I am gone. My daughter is very comfortable with them but she has a lot of separation anxiety in relation to me. She cries quickly and gets worried when I am out of sight. I feel guilty about going on this trip and am concerned on how she will do without me. Is there anything I can do to better prepare her for this? The trip is a month away… so I have some time but I forsee her giving my parents quite a bit of trouble. 🥺😩

I’m a 19-year-old single mom with a toddler, and I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. I’ve basically been on my own since I was 17, so I don’t really have parents I can rely on. My mom and dad aren’t in a position to let me and my son live with them or help with childcare.
Right now, my son and I are staying with my friend’s family while I work and save to get our own place.
When I first moved in, my son’s father and my friend’s mom made an arrangement that he would pay for childcare while she watched our son. However, they eventually had a falling out, and now he’s gone back on what he agreed to. He has also been neglecting to contribute financially in general. He only gives very small amounts occasionally, and I don’t beg him for moneyI work and do what I can to provide for my son.
The problem is that the childcare bill has continued to grow because he isn’t paying. I’ve offered to pay what I can myself, but my friend’s mom refuses to accept money from me and insists that my son’s father is the one who should pay.
What worries me even more is that while I was at work, my toddler managed to get out of the house, wandered onto the road, and even reached the next street before he was found. Thankfully he wasn’t hurt, but it really scared me and made me question whether my son is being properly supervised.
I’ve been working, saving, and looking at semi-furnished apartments because I want to create a stable home for my son. The problem is that I feel unprepared. I’m afraid that moving out could end up being a huge financial mistake if I can’t keep up with rent or unexpected expenses. At the same time, staying here is becoming emotionally exhausting, and I feel like having my own place would make a huge difference for my peace of mind and give me more control over my son’s environment.
I feel stuck between two difficult choices: stay longer and save more while dealing with a stressful living situation, or take the risk and move out before I feel completely ready.
If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you move out or wait? I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who’s been through similar

Interested in hearing your gut reactions. My kid's dad and I are not together.

I don’t have my kids this weekend and I’m having a particularly hard time. So I took a spontaneous trip up to my mom and sister’s. Regretted it within 10 minutes of getting here but that’s unrelated.

Now, I’m regretting it tenfold. My sister has a long term live in boyfriend. She has 2 kids around 8-10 from a former relationship and is heavily pregnant with their first child together.

I’ve never been a fan of how they parent but seeing it now through the lens of a separated, single co-parent.. I’m absolutely nauseous. Her boyfriend acts like he’s their dad and she lets him. And not even a good dad.

The kids are wild and defiant and intentionally rude, sure. But they are kids. Tonight one talked back, exhausted, after midnight, with a shaky/crying voice. This grown man got in his face. He sent him to his room and then yelled at him for a solid 2-3 minutes nonstop. And horrible things. My sister sat on the couch while it happened.

Like I said, I’ve always had issues with the way they handle the kids and I’ve said something before about it. Watching it happen tonight.. I got hit with this sudden fear for my kids. If I ever get into another serious relationship, these are behaviors and red flags I have to catch early before my kids ever have a chance to experience this from a step parent. And I have absolutely 0 control of who my ex brings around them either. There is a whole new layer of fear and honestly pure terror of one of us bringing the wrong person into their lives. I know my sister’s boyfriend didn’t show up like this out of the gate and she willfully tolerates a lot more than I ever would. But when did these red flags start? When did this start and what did she do about it then? And god, why does she let him talk to her kids like that??

I think because of the way the end of my marriage unfolded, I am even more nervous about it. I feel like I can’t trust my own instincts. I don’t trust anyone, including myself, at all anymore. It’s like I’ve had this realization that I may never let someone else into my/our lives. And again, I have no control over their other household and have no idea what could or would be happening over there. I’d like to say I trust my ex but I’m not even sure I know him anymore and like I said, I hardly trust anyone now regardless. I know I’m emotional and missing my kids extra hard right now, and that I’m borrowing tomorrow’s problems that may never come.. but I can’t stop thinking about it.

We share 50/50 time with our kids. Two times we went to a pretrial judge who said my ex had to stop questioning the kids and having them report between homes about things like video games, screen time, bedtime, and baths. Two times! Plus, I'm not doing anything crazy. I've basically maintained what we had before.

She's sick so I pick up the kids to help her out so she can rest. The first question my oldest son with an intellectual disability asks me is 'how much video games did we play last week with you?' Why buddy? 'Because I tell Mommy.'

I finally sat down both my kids and told them that I know Mommy asks these questions to them but its wrong to do so, and that a judge has told mommy to talk to daddy and not them about questions on this.

I'm honestly sick of this. It makes me look bad when she questions the kids this way. The kids will likely be thinking is my daddy a bad daddy? why is mommy so worried? Well, now I told them a judge told her to stop. She can look like the bad guy for a change. so sick of these antics. It's beyond disgusting.

This is about a week after a judge told her for the second time to stop! I'm beyond upset here. I messaged her again telling her this behavior is beyond inappropriate and reminded her what the judge said. I told her if it continues I will be seeking a psychological assessment for our children and further le gal actions. She will ignore me like she always does.

I worry about the long term trauma our tensions will cause these children. She was refusing therapy for them but the judge got her to agree to it. Plus she would be breaking the separation agreement if she did, not that she cares. Honestly, what is wrong with some people?!

We have a trial next year which in my opinion is why she is doing this but a judge already told her it wont help, and yet she continues lol... gah!

I think I need a part time gf or something. Like fully committed, but someone that understand life gets busy with our kids and such and doesn’t need to talk 24/7, but we make time to go on dates as often as we can and support each other as necessary. Not sure if it makes sense or if I sound like a total asshole. Just never thought I’d find myself a single dad at 32 randomly.

Excuse the title, but I’m looking for some outside perspective.
My ex has a fiancée (I believe they recently got engaged). When I first met her, I was genuinely excited that my kids would have another adult in their lives who cared about them and looked after them when they were at their dad’s house. However, a few things have happened that have made me uncomfortable.
The first time was when she commented that my daughter is “always seeking attention.” My daughter had just turned 3 years old. That rubbed me the wrong way, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it.
Another time, after my son’s baseball game, she offered my son some chips. He said, “No thank you.” My daughter said, “I want some!” and she responded, “Of course you do.” It felt passive-aggressive to me, especially because it wasn’t the first comment she’d made about my daughter.
For context, after I ended our engagement, I struggled financially because I didn’t have a job during my relationship with my ex. Sometimes I dress my daughter in her older brother’s oversized shirts or shorts because I left everything that we had for his house and Im starting over. She thinks it’s fun and creative. They aren’t underwear, just clothes that don’t fit him anymore.
One day my daughter came back from her dad’s house wearing my son’s boxers. She has also frequently come home in clothes and shoes that are too small for her. I reached out to her father and explained that, in my culture, siblings sharing underwear is considered unhygienic, even if it’s washed. I even offered to buy extra underwear for their house if needed.
Instead of my ex responding, his girlfriend messaged me. She sent me a photo of a pile of my daughter’s underwear at their house and told me they didn’t need my help. She also explained that she had put my daughter in my son’s boxers because I sometimes send my daughter in my son’s old shirts and shorts.
I told her that concerns regarding my children should be discussed between me and their father, not through her. When I spoke with my ex, he apologized and said he didn’t know she had done that. Since then, my daughter has not come home wearing my son’s underwear again.
The latest issue is that my son recently told me she says that when children are “bad,” they are showing their “real selves.” My son is young, so I understand there could be missing context, but the comment concerned me.
When I brought it up to my ex, he said he doesn’t know what that’s about because he always sees his fiancée being very nice to the kids.
At this point, I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking things or whether these incidents together paint a bigger picture. My concern is that my ex may be leaving the kids alone with her frequently, and she may be getting overwhelmed with a stepparent role she wasn’t prepared for. Sometimes it feels like my daughter, in particular, may be the target of her frustration.
Am I reading too much into this, or would these comments and incidents concern you as well?

Single mom 32F to a sweet 6 year old boy. Problem is I was dealing with a bad marriage and during my healing stage I feel like I disregarded my son and turned him into an iPad kid. I moved in with my mom and she gives him only that due to her poor health as well and it’s always iPad after school. I’m also too worn out after work and give in. And now I have news that I might have to work in another state and I’m terrified of how I will manage my son and my job and control his screen time. Any advice of what I should do? Should I get a live in nanny? I really need this job but I don’t know if I’m mentally equipped to handle everything on my own.

I got pregnant with my son right after I turned 19. His dad who I fell madly in love with told me he was infertile, so I never thought this would be my life. Now I’m raising my son alone.
I love my son more than anything, but I feel like I’m grieving the person I was supposed to become. I never got to experience my youth, and I don’t know how to accept that it’s gone.
I’m so depressed. I feel empty all the time. Being a single mom is so isolating, and some days the weight of it feels unbearable. I keep thinking about how different my life could have been if his dad had stayed. If I wasn’t naive enough to believe his lie.
I don’t feel I have the strength to survive the pain of every day. Has anyone else gone through this? How do you stop grieving the life you’ll never have?

Hey everyone! Looking for people who have been in my situation or similar.

My AuDHD kid, 6, has been with living with me for the past four years, with bi-weekly weekends at his dad's.

Since his dad got married last year, he's been asking for full-time custody, now that he has help and is no longer single. I'm willing to do 50/50. However, since I was on my own with no childcare, and on ODSP, I haven't worked in a while. Also, I live in North York and he lives in Mississauga. And to add, my car will need to be replaced soon, but my credit is shit and I have only a little savings.

He said he and his wife would love to take him full-time while I get my life back together, move to Mississauga, and then do 50/50.

I'm inclined to agree, because he's got a stepbrother over there, and his stepmother loves him and treats him well. Plus, they both make good money and I know my son would be well cared for. I just keep telling myself it will be temporary, as long as I get things in order ASAP.

Has anyone been in my situation? How did you cope with being away from your kid?

I’m a single mum with 3 teenagers. For years we have not gone anywhere as I’m nervous travelling alone with the kids. We in uk. Any suggestions where to go abroad to get some sun that’s not too far and pretty safe?