u/SnooSprouts9123

We've been together for about 5 years, and she's been depressed long before we met. I didn't realize the extent of it at first, and the first few months had been amazing, until the depression returned and has been there for most of the relationship since.

When she is 'lucid' and seems to come out of it, she is amazing. Intelligent, hilarious, a great partner in so many ways. We have a lot fun together and are aligned on most things. But unfortunately that is very rare, maybe 10-20% of the entire time we've been together. A week or two here and there. The rest of the time she is checked out and withdrawn.

What made it even worse is that she lost both her parents in the past few years so now she has grief compounded on top of the depression. But even before that, her depression was just as bad.

She hasn't worked in a few years either. She was a nurse when we met but got really burnt out from that and I told her I'd be happy to support her for as she finds a new path that's more suited to her. But by now she had entirely given up on that and never wants to work again. She inherited some money and a home after her dad passed away so I haven't had to support her financially outright, but I still cover a lot of expenses and I worry what would happen when that money dries out.

Honestly the financial part and her not working is the least of my worries, it's everything else that makes it hard. Our home is constantly a mess. She rarely cooks or cleans, and I try to keep up with it after work, but she makes a mess faster than I can clean them. She pratically never leaves the house and spends most of her day scrolling through her phone.

I think all of this is classic depression so I don't need to go further into it.

What I struggle with the most is how alone I feel around her when she is depressed. She can be right next to me but feel 1000 miles away and I have no clue how to connect with her.

I want to understand how to be in this relationship without feeling like I am abandoning myself in the process and committing to a life of being largely alone.

She was never open to counselling before, but had started coming around to it recently and has been having sessions every month or so. But the counselling is very surface level and is more akin to catching up about your life with a good friend than diving into anything too deep.

She had a very difficult childhood and had to grow up far too quickly and I think that's likely at the root of it, but I'm no psychologist.

She was on meds a few years ago for depression but they didn't help, and if anything just made things worse. It just made her completely numb and flat. She just started new meds a couple weeks ago so maybe that will go better. But I also think that just treats the symptoms and is unlikely to be that effective without deeper therapy.

I think she is avoiding any real therapy, and shoots the idea down whenever I bring it up and says she already has a therapist and doesn't want to spent a lot of money. She also has a really difficult time opening up about her emotions and diving too deep into anything uncomfortable.

But I can't picture anything changing to any real extent without that. I'd be more than happy to pay for it entirely if it can help. I just don't have any experience with this and don't know what the most effective therapy is, nor do I feel I can push her into it if she resists the idea.

I just don't know where that leaves me. I understand that her depression may never go away, but if it's at least not there the majority of the time, I think it would be a lot easier for me to deal with it.

She also really does want to heal, grow and get better, and she has come a long way since we met. If she didn't, I likely would have left already. It's mostly what's giving me hope for our future.

Who she is outside of the depression is really the perfect partner for me. She is a deeply caring person who I know genuinely loves me and I feel I can trust entirely. I want to commit to her and even bought a ring, but I am scared I may be committing to a relationship where I am deeply unmet and lonely for the rest of my life.

Hey everyone,

After almost a decade of incessant editing, I figured it was time to take the next step.

I’m aware 50k is on the low end for adult memoir. Setting that aside, I’d appreciate feedback on the query itself and whether the pitch is clear and the voice comes through.

Thanks in advance.

-----

Dear [Agent Name],

When my business partner asked what I'd do if I had six months to live, my honest answer was: anything but this. I was twenty-three, building someone else's dream, while the life I actually wanted sat on the far side of a wall I'd spent years politely declining to climb.

Then my best friend, a half-feral ex-Medieval Times knight with a gift for talking me into things, dragged me downtown to meet Jess, a tarot reader who seemed to know me better than I knew myself. That night, the three of us, plus a shirtless yogi with a knack for defying gravity and a weakness for petty bread theft, chased a trail of pizza-shaped omens through Toronto until two in the morning. The next day, we were crossing the border in a rented Kia Rondo, following the pizza to California.

FOLLOWING THE PIZZA is a humorous travel memoir that chronicles what happens when a neurotic overthinker hands his life over to a string of absurd coincidences and three people who need even less convincing than he does. Our destination was Mt. Shasta, a mountain that allegedly houses a fifth-dimensional city. This seemed like the kind of claim worth verifying. Along the way, we chanted naked on the Bonneville Salt Flats, broke into a chocolatier's bungalow at her own request, and picked up a fifth passenger none of us could see.

By the third day, I was hearing a voice that introduced itself by name, which I found presumptuous, if not troubling. I also fell for Jess, who happened to be falling for my best friend. The trip was supposed to end in San Francisco. Instead, broke, jobless, and well past the point of reasonable decision-making, we busked outside the Ferry Building for a one-way flight to Maui. 

Complete at 50,000 words, FOLLOWING THE PIZZA combines the self-aware road-trip transformation of Blythe Roberson's AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL? (2023) with the absurd, food-fuelled adventure of Jamie Loftus's RAW DOG (2023).

I’m a writer, musician, avid road-tripper, and co-founder of a digital media agency based in Canada.

Thank you for your time and consideration.