u/SoSS_

Me (19M) and my brother (14M) don't have the worst relationship ever but it could be better. Our mother is an emotionally immature parent and very unfit to raise a child, and whenever we confront her about how shitty she treats us, she plays the victim.

Since I'm the oldest both from my mother's AND my father's side, no one was there to be validate my sadness and frustration towards my mother, and even today the entire family says that I should be more empathetic towards my mother because "she's not perfect and she's still my mother"... I hate the fact that I'm expected to fix a relationship I didn't ruin in the first place.

But I'm not perfect either. When I was younger (like preteen) I was violent towards my brother, often hitting him when I got mad, even if he didn't do something wrong. Basically I replicated the abuse my mother made me go through with him. And I do feel guilty about this and I don't know what to do to improve my relationship with him. He doesn't hate me AFAIK but we are a little distant. I try to help him out and give him the understanding that I wasn't given when I was his age and even defend him from our mother whenever possible, but he often tells me to shut up and not interfere.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and a part of me doesn't want to give up on him, as giving up on our relationship and refusing to heal because that's easier is exactly what our mother does and I don't want to be like her. But I also have second thoughts when he refuses to do his part as well.

For example, I try to communicate clearly whenever he does something that bothers me or hurts me, but he rarely takes it seriously. And just today, I was talking about needing to move out because I can't deal with our mother, and he went to say that it's not that big of a deal and that I shouldn't let her words get to me, mind you our mother is the type of person who specifically baits you into arguments and specifically wants to make you feel hurt.

This triggered me, and I told him I needed to stop the conversation because otherwise I would have crisis. I overheard him saying that I got pissed but it goes way deeper than that, it's just that 1. I can't explain why it hurts me so bad without having a breakdown and 2. He's a child and he shouldn't have to see his older brother breakdown in front of him, again (most of the family knows I've attempted suicide multiple times and unfortunately my brother is also aware of this)

I felt betrayed when he told me this, I used to feel relieved that at least there's one person in this godforsaken family who actually recognizes the hell I've somehow survived until now, but no, he also thinks that since she's my mother, that should have more weight than all the traumas I carry thanks to her, than all the times I attempted because of her. And I don't know how to address this... Because I just know I'll end up having a crisis and, as always, I will have to deal with it on my own.

Anyways, AITAH?

Siempre he vivido en SD y aquí hay de todo... Pero el costo de vida está insoportable, no me puedo independizar precisamente por eso.

Ok so this just actually happened 😭

I (19yo) was at work and I was reading through the group chat of the team I used to be part of, I never got kicked out so might as well. I have to tell y'all right now that thankfully the supervisors at my workplace are super chill with few exceptions, so they don't mind silly, less "professional" conversations (as long as they stay respectful ofc).

One of the girls, who I never saw in person because she's in another floor and apparently is new, asked "who's [my name]? he reacted to one of my messages"

THANKFULLY my work profile has my chosen name instead of my deadname, so she immediately assumed I'm a dude (yay). I said (wrote) hi and I was going to explain that I used to be part of her supervisors' team but I was moved to another one a while ago. As I was writing the message, another co-worker who I've built more trust with, answers to her question "the most amazing person in this company"

Idk why they think so highly of me when we haven't known each other for so long tbh, but I would be lying if I said I don't feel comfortable with them. So I wrote "Omg hiii"

TO WHICH THE NEW GIRL ANSWERS "what a sweet boy 😍" (yes, with that same emoji) and hearts my message. She then started to ask me questions about myself, like what are my hobbies, my favorite food, what places I'd like to visit, and even compared me to someone else she knows that she thinks is "super kind", all of this in the team's group chat 😭😭😭

Like girl... I appreciate it but you're making me nervous here 😭 and I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all the questions ('cause for every question I answered, she asked like 3 more), but I started asking questions about her too and it started to feel like actually getting to know each other and not like a questionnaire.

That made me feel so euphoric 🤧, and it turns out she's just one year younger than me. I actually wanna see her in person soon, but I can't help but feel that once she sees me in person she'll stop seeing me as a boy. I might be masculine presenting, but I don't pass sadly. That's actually part of the reason why I was nervous too.

But even then, it also made me feel so hopeful. Like, will this kind of thing happen more often once I start T and pass 🥹? It all just felt so right. Not just being perceived as sweet, but specifically as a sweet boy.