u/Soggy-Attention2931

I want to make this post because I think I might actually be the “evil ex,” and honestly, I don’t feel any better because of it.

To give some context: before the breakup, I had been struggling pretty badly with my mental health and decided to take a paid leave from work. My girlfriend and I had talked about it beforehand, and at the time there didn’t seem to be any issue with it. But once I actually went through with it, she started implying that if I was “too mentally unwell to work,” then maybe I shouldn’t be going to social events or even attending her birthday dinner/party.

Maybe there was some truth to what she was saying, but at the time it really hurt and it started a fight. During the argument, I called her rude. That was the first time I had ever spoken to her like that. There was no screaming match, no huge explosion, just one bad conversation. But the moment I said that, she ended the relationship because she didn’t want to be spoken to that way, which I understand.

Around that same time, I had heard rumors that she had been cheating on me. I also saw messages between her and her ex, though she explained that he had just reached out to her. I honestly still don’t know what the truth was. Maybe she was already looking for an out, maybe not. I can’t say our relationship was perfect, but I do think I was a good boyfriend overall, and none of our problems felt big enough to justify giving up on the relationship entirely.

The truth is, I’ve always hated being alone. After breakups, I cope in unhealthy ways. I distract myself with people I don’t really care about and who probably don’t care about me either, just so I don’t have to sit alone with the pain.

So lately I’ve been constantly busy. Going out, getting in shape, meeting attractive women, surrounding myself with people, trying to keep moving. From the outside, it probably looks like I’m doing great. But at the end of the day, I still miss her, and none of it actually makes me feel better.

Maybe that’s the realization I’m having now.

I think part of me wanted to become the “evil ex” because it felt easier than being the hurt one. I even ended up getting close with her childhood best friend, which I know is wrong. I’m not proud of any of this. I think I’ve been trying to outrun the grief instead of actually facing it.

And honestly, maybe I’m writing this for people going through breakups too. Sometimes your ex looks completely fine on the surface. Sometimes they look like they moved on instantly. But a lot of the time, they’re hurting too. They’re just coping badly, hiding it differently, or distracting themselves.

I don’t think I deserve another chance from her after the way I handled things during the breakup, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still hope she reaches out someday.

One thing this experience has made me realize is that relationships are about more than just love. I don’t know if we were fully “in love,” but we definitely loved each other. The thing that felt missing was commitment. And I think commitment matters just as much as love does.

Love is the feeling. Commitment is choosing to work through the difficult parts instead of leaving the moment things become painful.

Anyway, this post is all over the place, but maybe someone out there relates to it.

I want to make this post because I think I might actually be the “evil ex,” and honestly, I don’t feel any better because of it.

To give some context: before the breakup, I had been struggling pretty badly with my mental health and decided to take a paid leave from work. My girlfriend and I had talked about it beforehand, and at the time there didn’t seem to be any issue with it. But once I actually went through with it, she started implying that if I was “too mentally unwell to work,” then maybe I shouldn’t be going to social events or even attending her birthday dinner/party.

Maybe there was some truth to what she was saying, but at the time it really hurt and it started a fight. During the argument, I called her rude. That was the first time I had ever spoken to her like that. There was no screaming match, no huge explosion, just one bad conversation. But the moment I said that, she ended the relationship because she didn’t want to be spoken to that way, which I understand.

Around that same time, I had heard rumors that she had been cheating on me. I also saw messages between her and her ex, though she explained that he had just reached out to her. I honestly still don’t know what the truth was. Maybe she was already looking for an out, maybe not. I can’t say our relationship was perfect, but I do think I was a good boyfriend overall, and none of our problems felt big enough to justify giving up on the relationship entirely.

The truth is, I’ve always hated being alone. After breakups, I cope in unhealthy ways. I distract myself with people I don’t really care about and who probably don’t care about me either, just so I don’t have to sit alone with the pain.

So lately I’ve been constantly busy. Going out, getting in shape, meeting attractive women, surrounding myself with people, trying to keep moving. From the outside, it probably looks like I’m doing great. But at the end of the day, I still miss her, and none of it actually makes me feel better.

Maybe that’s the realization I’m having now.

I think part of me wanted to become the “evil ex” because it felt easier than being the hurt one. I even ended up getting close with her childhood best friend, which I know is wrong. I’m not proud of any of this. I think I’ve been trying to outrun the grief instead of actually facing it.

And honestly, maybe I’m writing this for people going through breakups too. Sometimes your ex looks completely fine on the surface. Sometimes they look like they moved on instantly. But a lot of the time, they’re hurting too. They’re just coping badly, hiding it differently, or distracting themselves.

I don’t think I deserve another chance from her after the way I handled things during the breakup, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still hope she reaches out someday.

One thing this experience has made me realize is that relationships are about more than just love. I don’t know if we were fully “in love,” but we definitely loved each other. The thing that felt missing was commitment. And I think commitment matters just as much as love does.

Love is the feeling. Commitment is choosing to work through the difficult parts instead of leaving the moment things become painful.

Anyway, this post is all over the place, but maybe someone out there relates to it.

I want to make this post because I think I might actually be the “evil ex,” and honestly, I don’t feel any better because of it.

To give some context: before the breakup, I had been struggling pretty badly with my mental health and decided to take a paid leave from work. My girlfriend and I had talked about it beforehand, and at the time there didn’t seem to be any issue with it. But once I actually went through with it, she started implying that if I was “too mentally unwell to work,” then maybe I shouldn’t be going to social events or even attending her birthday dinner/party.

Maybe there was some truth to what she was saying, but at the time it really hurt and it started a fight. During the argument, I called her an asshole. That was the first time I had ever spoken to her like that. There was no screaming match, no huge explosion, just one bad conversation. But the moment I said that, she ended the relationship because she didn’t want to be called names, which I understand.

Around that same time, I had heard rumors that she had been cheating on me. I also saw messages between her and her ex, though she explained that he had just reached out to her. I honestly still don’t know what the truth was. Maybe she was already looking for an out, maybe not. I can’t say our relationship was perfect, but I do think I was a good boyfriend overall, and none of our problems felt big enough to justify giving up on the relationship entirely.

The truth is, I’ve always hated being alone. After breakups, I cope in unhealthy ways. I distract myself with people I don’t really care about and who probably don’t care about me either, just so I don’t have to sit alone with the pain.

So lately I’ve been constantly busy. Going out, getting in shape, meeting attractive women, surrounding myself with people, trying to keep moving. From the outside, it probably looks like I’m doing great. But at the end of the day, I still miss her, and none of it actually makes me feel better.

Maybe that’s the realization I’m having now.

I think part of me wanted to become the “evil ex” because it felt easier than being the hurt one. I even ended up getting close with her childhood best friend, which I know is wrong. I’m not proud of any of this. I think I’ve been trying to outrun the grief instead of actually facing it.

And honestly, maybe I’m writing this for people going through breakups too. Sometimes your ex looks completely fine on the surface. Sometimes they look like they moved on instantly. But a lot of the time, they’re hurting too. They’re just coping badly, hiding it differently, or distracting themselves.

I don’t think I deserve another chance from her after the way I handled things during the breakup, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still hope she reaches out someday.

One thing this experience has made me realize is that relationships are about more than just love. I don’t know if we were fully “in love,” but we definitely loved each other. The thing that felt missing was commitment. And I think commitment matters just as much as love does.

Love is the feeling. Commitment is choosing to work through the difficult parts instead of leaving the moment things become painful.

Anyway, this post is all over the place, but maybe someone out there relates to it.