u/Soggy-Truth4822

This is gonna be a long one, I apologize in advance.

I (25F) live abroad. I grew up in Texas with my parents and one older sister (30F). My sister has
always been sick. When she was 15, she was diagnosed with endometriosis and had to drop
out of school and stayed bedridden at home for a long time. The constant hospital visits and
surgeries put a huge financial strain on my parents. I was also in middle school at the time and
struggled making friends, and it didn’t help to come back home to irritable parents and
everyone’s attention constantly on my sister. It was hard but we got through it.

Surgery after surgery, my sister’s self-esteem withered over time from gaining weight from
different medicines and lack of human interaction outside of the family. At one point she had to
remove her uterus (or so we thought) to help with the endometriosis. She had always wanted kids, so this devastated her. After that, the course of
her life throughout her 20s was a mix of irresponsible and reckless. She made quite the reputation
for herself amongst family members that she was not to be trusted. She would live from place to
place, she would ask around for money, and she would always be with a boyfriend that abused
her.

Towards the end of her 20s, she gave her life a big turn around, met her now husband, and
became more financially stable. They were doing well for a while and a little less than two years
ago, my sister found out she was pregnant with a miracle baby. Unfortunately, she grew a cyst on her ovaries and the doctors wouldn’t induce her despite
carrying the baby to term. This was a violation under Texas abortion laws, so there was nothing
we could do and she lost the baby.

Last summer, she was then diagnosed with colon cancer. My parents initially offered to help, but according to my sister, my mother asked her to send ‘proof’ of her doctor's visits before my mom sent her any money for treatments. My sister and her husband grew frustrated with the lack of trust and eventually decided they would do things on their own without our parents' help.

Starting September of 2025, my sister started asking to borrow money from ME for her chemotherapy treatments. Of course, I empathized with her situation and sent the money through venmo from my American credit card. I did this because I live abroad, and it would be a lot to transfer money through different banks. I also didn’t have any savings or extra money kept in any account, so using my credit card made sense at the time.

The idea was that she would pay me back whenever she got paid, she just needed $100 or so
for immediate treatments. Initially, she would pay me back what she owed, but starting in
January of 2026 she had a seizure. This all happened while my boyfriend and I were on our 1 year anniversary trip and my sister called me to ask for $800 for medical expenses. I sent it to her, and then I started a gofundme for some external help. Slowly over the next few months, she would take more and more until eventually I maxed out my credit card, which had a $4000 limit.

Over the course of these 4 months, I would ask her if she could pay back something every 2-3 weeks, but she would always have an excuse. She would say things like ‘I’m supposed to get my paycheck on Wednesday’ but then that would fall through. Or ‘My job didn’t send me as much as I thought, I can’t even afford groceries right now.’ Or she would ask me to lay off because I was stressing her out. Her husband also wasn’t working then because back in December, around New Year’s, they had a big fight and a neighbor called the police on them. They both went to jail for 2 days. It was a mess and he didn’t get a job until they reluctantly moved back in with my parents in May.

Even after I told my sister my card was maxed out at $4000, she would continue to ask me for financial help. It was getting annoying because she knew I didn’t have anything, and I was very firm on NOT using any money I made working abroad in order to pay my own living expenses. Our parents still weren’t helping with the treatments, and my dad also had his own medical troubles to deal with.

I ended up coming back to the U.S. this past July for my birthday. Despite the financial issues, my sister and I had gotten really close over the last year. So we planned a trip to New York during my visit with one of our cousins. I booked the hotel, organized the flights, made the reservations, and navigated during the entire trip. It ended up being the worst vacation of my
life. I won’t go into too many details, but there are several things that she did throughout my time
in the U.S. that I resent her for.

So now it’s been almost a month since then, and I was already starting to distance myself from her slowly now that I’m back at work abroad. She keeps bugging me about calling her and says that she’s been having panic attacks in the middle of the night, and wants me to answer her sudden calls to make her feel better. Where I live, midnight in Texas is during
my work hours. I told her this was unrealistic and that I honestly just need space to myself right now. I was very mentally unwell from the trip and was spiraling in my own head so much that I had my period twice that month.

Eventually I told her that I wasn’t interested in talking to her unless she could send me something to pay off the $4000 debt. It may seem heartless, but I am worried about my credit score dropping (in case I have to move back) and not having an extra source of funds for emergencies for MYSELF. She then proceeds to tell me that since I left the U.S., she hasn’t been going to work and she is now having a serious surgery at the end of August with a 50/50 chance of survival - she may also have 6 months to a few years left to live, or she could be fine, we don’t know (She is currently at stage 4). Therefore, she was “not even thinking about paying anyone back for anything right now.”

That was the last straw for me. I helped her financially for months, set up a gofundme, and put myself into debt. While also constantly being there for her emotionally, planning a whole trip for us where she treated me like garbage to her now trying to guilt trip me into doing whatever she wants. I excused the money she had saved up for New York because she hadn’t traveled in a while and I wanted us to have a good first time sister trip, but it seems odd to me that she can have money for a vacation but none to pay me back with. I understand that she has had a hard life. I understand that cancer is serious and it has financially distressed her. But I can’t do this anymore. She always has SOMETHING going on at the most inconvenient of times. Whenever I try to talk to her about my frustrations, she can’t take the criticism, victimizes herself, and puts blame on others to get out of any kind of responsibility. I made the hard decision to finally cut contact with her, especially after our final exchange of messages. Am I the asshole for dropping her at a time where it seems she needs support the most?