u/Soggy_Cartographer45

Hello, 8th day here.

Musta na kayo?

Me? Still may anxiety pa rin, but manageable na. I also started looking and applying for online part-time jobs and trying to explore side hustles. Hoping may kumuha sakin soon. If may marereco kayo, message niyo lang ako please. ahahahha

and to those who are just starting to stop the “tapal system,” I know sobrang hirap. Same as you, natatakot din ako noon ma-overdue.

But stop before the boat sinks deeper.

Stop trying to remove all the water while exhausting yourself trying to cover every hole. Maybe it floats for now, maybe it survives another day, but eventually the water still finds its way in.

Let the boat sink.

Let the water devour what it needs to devour.

Do not be afraid of the sharks. I know they will circle around you the moment you stop running. They will make you feel weak, hopeless, guilty, and small. They will convince you that the ocean will swallow you whole.

Do not be afraid of drowning.

But let your adrenaline rush.

Swim.

Swim at your hardest.

The shore feels impossibly far, but I promise you, you will reach it.

And when you finally reach the shore, you will realize that surviving the ocean changed you. Exhausted, wounded, trembling maybe, but alive. Still alive.

One day, you will look back at the ocean that almost killed you and realize that it also taught you how to survive.

God bless to everyone.

So ayun, 7th day ko na.

Andun pa rin yung anxiety, pero hindi na katulad nung first 3 days.

I’m really thankful sa mga nakakausap ko here, checking each other every day kung kamusta na kami. Biii, support system kita. You know who you are. Love you so much. Libre kita ng 3 in 1. ☕️

Nung first 3 days, sobrang hirap matulog.

When everything was silent, my mind was loud. Parang I’m burning from the inside out but nobody sees the fire, and every voice in my head keeps haunting me.

Sa sobrang depressed ko nung mga nakaraang araw, kahit horror movies hindi ako tinatablan. Imagine that. Yung dati ikinakatakot ko, wala na epekto kasi mas maingay na yung nasa isip ko.

Pero little by little, naging okay din. Nakakatulog na ako.

May kasamang dasal. Ang prayer ko lang talaga noon:
“Lord, patulugin mo lang ako.”

Kasi kahit ASMR vids, hindi umuubra sakin nung mga unang araw.

And maybe we should never underestimate the power of waking up.

Kasi noong mga nakaraang araw, paggising ko pa lang pagod na agad ako. Takot na agad ako. Pero ngayon, kahit papaano, naaappreciate ko na yung simpleng nagising ka ulit. Buhay ka ulit. May another chance ka ulit lumaban.

Life humbled me so hard, and ngayon ko naaappreciate yun.

It’s a blessing.

You are here.
You are still here.

As long as you are breathing, di pa tapos ang laban.

“The tables will turn,” sabi nga nila.

But you know what? I’ll flip that damn table myself. Hahaha.

So laban lang.
Go lang nang goooooo.

6th day na ata ngayon.

Less anxious than the first day. Kumbaga sa game, may konting XP na ako at items hahahaha.

Yesterday was really hard though. Sobrang bigat. Nasa office ako and I ended up messaging one of my Reddit friends kasi hindi ko na talaga alam gagawin ko. I even reached out sa Infosec & Data Privacy Team namin because of threats and honestly? Di ako nagexpect ng mabilis na response. Ang dami naming employees eh.

But they replied.

They said:
“Your personal privacy is important to us, and the company will maintain strict confidentiality regarding this matter. Our IT and Social Media teams have been alerted to monitor for and immediately flag/block any unusual external reach-outs or malicious posts mentioning you or the company.”

And grabe hahaha tumakbo talaga ako sa comfort room para umiyak for like 10 minutes.

OA man pakinggan pero parang…
finally, someone understood.
Someone was willing to help.
Someone made me feel safe kahit konti.

Yesterday I was so anxious and depressed. As in sinabi ko kay God:
“Parang di ko ata malalagpasan tong level na to.”

It felt like chaos. Like a storm. Like every door was closing for me all at once. I even had thoughts na gusto ko na lang tumalon sa building kahapon.

Pero naisip ko rin…
sino mag aalaga sa pusa ko pag ginawa ko yun 😭 ang takaw pa naman nun.

And this morning, parang may nagclick sakin.

Maybe this is a setup.
Not to destroy me, but to grow me.

Maybe God is teaching me how to hold things better before giving me the things I prayed for.

And sa mga nahihirapan din ngayon:
hydrate please hahaha
8 cups minimum.
Cry in schedule kung kailangan.
Then laban ulit.

Jog. Walk. Drink coffee. Drink tea.
Maglinis ka ng bahay.
Ayusin mo na yang damit mo.
Maglaba ka wag puro laundry.
Don’t lose your hobbies just because life got hard.

If gusto niyo ng series or book recommendations pampakalma ng utak, chat niyo lang ako hahaha.

Hugs sa inyong lahat.
If kaya ko lang yakapin kayo isa isa, I would.

Kasi alam ko gaano kasakit yung ganitong phase.

I really don’t know what stage I’m in anymore, 4th or 5th, until I finally decided to fix my finances.

It’s really hard. The messages give me anxiety. But it is what it is. These are the consequences of bad decisions, and maybe sometimes even the right decisions look like this too, painful at first, but necessary because you need to face the truth.

I’ve sent countless emails just to let them know that I’m not running away from my responsibilities. Fortunately, some of them are responding professionally.

As for the harassment, it’s honestly overwhelming, degrading, and at times feels like a breach of basic rights. That’s why I continue educating myself about debt collection practices, data privacy, and consumer rights.

I do not condone avoiding payments. I still believe debts should be paid responsibly. But I also hope that someday the loaning system here in the Philippines improves, especially when it comes to fair collection practices and data privacy security.

Right now, I’m trying to rebuild slowly:
• listing all my debts
• finding the root cause so the cycle won’t repeat
• learning how to manage debt without losing myself mentally
• saving enough
• always setting aside money for essentials first
• and prioritizing bank obligations

To the people who are just starting this journey like me, ang hirap noh? Grabe talaga. But kakayanin natin ’to.

And to the people who already survived this phase and chose to share their stories and advice, thank you. You inspire people more than you know.

Praying for all of us.

Last year, I entered a cycle na akala ko temporary lang. Honestly, nagstart lahat nung na-scam ako. YES, NASCAM ako 😭 like wtf. Separate kwento pa ‘yon because honestly hanggang ngayon napapaisip pa rin ako kung paano ako naka-survive mentally dun.

After that, everything slowly fell apart financially. At first, I was just trying to recover and survive one difficult moment, thinking na next month magiging okay din lahat. Pero little by little, the pressure kept piling up hanggang sa narealize ko na hindi na ako normal na namumuhay , I was just trying to survive every due date.

Recently, I started reaching out directly sa mga companies kasi napagod na akong matakot tuwing magri-ring yung phone ko. I explained na willing pa rin naman akong ayusin at bayaran yung obligations ko once my situation finally stabilizes. Some responded professionally, while others na SEC registered pa, yoko na lang magtalk.

I’ll probably also share some of the emails and experiences I had while trying to communicate properly and responsibly. Yes, I even reached out to illegal lending app emails and surprisingly… sumasagot sila 😭 pero bakit parang Chinese support?? POGO vibes?? Lord ano na talaga.

Honestly, the hardest part isn’t even the money anymore. It’s the exhaustion. Yung paggising mo pa lang pagod ka na mentally. Yung feeling na kahit nagpapahinga ka, hindi talaga nagpapahinga utak mo because you’re constantly worrying about responsibilities while trying to function normally.

At some point, narealize ko na hindi lang pala ako financially exhausted, emotionally burned out na rin ako. Heartbreak, personal problems, pressure, survival mode… like pinili talaga akong gawing strongest soldier this year 😭 sabay-sabay silang dumating hanggang sa dumating ako sa point na parang wala na akong energy mag-care sa lahat.

But I also realized something: hindi ko sila tatakasan. I know I made mistakes financially, but I’m still willing to face them little by little. Recovery may take time, pero I’m choosing to slowly rebuild instead of destroying myself trying to survive everything overnight.

Right now, inuuna ko muna yung mga accounts na malapit ko nang matapos para mabawasan paunti-unti yung bigat. I also made a rule for myself na i-prioritize muna yung banks, Billease, and some BNPL accounts para mas maayos yung structure ng payments ko moving forward.

I also recently made a google sheet tracker to finally organize everything properly, tracking my debts, expenses, payments, and savings while slowly paying everything off. For the first time in a while, I’m trying to face things realistically instead of just panicking every due date. (I can share google sheet tracker soon pag naayos ko na)

And honestly, sa illegal lending apps… ewan ko na lang 😭 If ever ipost nila ako, sana man lang yung angle ko maganda. Dapat pala nag-retouch muna ako bago umutang 😭✋ Financially struggling na nga, tapos baka yung pinaka-pangit ko pang selfie yung ikalat. Lord wag naman double kill. Like omg, naurrr.

Now I’m trying to communicate better, improve my skills, look for extra income, and slowly create a more stable future for myself. Hindi man mabilis, pero at least gumagalaw na ako paalis sa cycle na ‘to.

And to anyone silently going through the same thing, we will survive this. One step at a time. Pray lang talaga.

P.S. Mabilis magreply ang cicc