u/Some_Lab7447

I have a best friend, I'll call her Sarah. We've been friends for quite a long time, almost 5 years, and I've always considered her my closest person. She's the only one I've been able to trust with everything I know. I told her all the secrets, the news, and even every little thing that happened in my life. Alas, I am the kind of person who, if he gets close to someone, wants to tell him all the details of his life. But Sarah is a little different. She was never very sociable and hyperactive like me, but she still told me a lot of things that were happening in her life. By the way, we're classmates, so we see each other every day at school.

I started to ruin everything at the beginning of this school year, when a new "Vika" came to our class. She was modest, but, as it turned out, only with strangers. Later, all the girls in the class and I became stronger friends. We began to communicate well and become friends. We have formed a narrower group of 5 people: Me, Sarah, Vika, Anna and Lisa. We had a good time together, we had fun. This school year was definitely the best of my life, thanks to my friends. For some reason, our whole class has become more cohesive in the last year of study together, but perhaps this is for the best. So.. After the new year, I noticed how Sarah began to get closer to Anna. Anna told Vika and Sarah her secrets and the like. She hid a lot from me and asked the girls not to tell me anything, I was hurt, but I later came to terms with it. The point is that Anna became another of Sarah's "best" friends, but I was still more important to her. But one day in May, when I was walking after classes at my music school, I saw Anna and Sarah walking, it was not surprising, because they often walked together, and in general they were going to go downtown together today to buy something. I was a little surprised why Sarah didn't ask me to go with her, but okay. But what really hurt me was that our FRIEND was walking with them. The dude is not from our class at all, we just saw each other sometimes for a physics consultation before the exam. As it turned out, the three of them were walking. Sarah didn't even think to call me because, as always, I can't. Agree, when your friends don't invite you for a walk because of the reason "we thought you'd be busy as always" it's a bit unpleasant.. As it turned out later, these three also have a closed group without me, Vicky and Lisa. I know it may sound silly, like I'm a jealous friend who doesn't allow her to go out with others, but I'm not like that. Sarah has a few friends she goes out with a lot, but I don't care. I'm just telling you my feelings and what scares me, that I started losing Sarah..

And now to the main point in this story. Neither Sarah nor I smoke, I would never even allow myself to try. Sarah tried it once, but she didn't like it, so I was sure she wouldn't smoke. But I've never interfered with other people's desires. Our friends Anna and Vika smoke, but I never made any comments to them, I never stopped communicating with him because of and the like. I'm comfortable with the fact that my friends smoke, I understand that it doesn't concern me and I don't care. The situation with alcohol is a bit different. One day we were at our mutual friend's birthday party, and all her friends and guests were drinking there, except for us. I didn't want to get fat, but I drank a little of what was poured for me. Sarah, in principle, did not drink that evening and did not want to. Since we had never drunk before, I thought it was normal, especially in the circle of those people. After that, Sarah took pictures of me with a bottle, and then she said at every opportunity that she had dirt on me and the like, that I was drinking and in general it was very bad. I knew it was a joke, and I wasn't offended by it. I'm basically not the kind of person who likes to be offended. Since childhood, I've been told that resentment won't solve anything and that it's stupid to be offended.

The first of July was our graduation. This is the day when we all wanted to have a blast. We all wanted to hang out and have fun. But that day I learned something... Back at the restaurant, when Sarah, Vika, and I went to the bathroom for a drink, I joked a little about Sarah, as usual, that she had never drunk and was sitting like a toddler who really wanted to try. And then I was told the truth that at a sleepover in October at Sarah's house, where Vika and Anna were, they drank 4 bottles. More than six months have passed since that, but they agreed not to tell me anything. Vika didn't understand why, but she didn't say it anyway. As Sarah explained, "it's because I was afraid of your reaction, that you'd judge me and all that," but even after that incident at the birthday party, she didn't want to tell. I was just shocked by what I heard, but somehow I got over it. By the way, I prepared gifts for Sarah and me on graduation day, because we had been friends all through high school, but as it turned out, she and Anna sat in another place, and Vika and I were left alone a few seats away from them. When we arrived at the sauna complex after the restaurant, where we rented a couple of houses for children and parents, the guys and I decided to play jenga. One guy who infuriated the whole class, and especially infuriated Sarah, asked her if she smoked because our friends were just passing emails to each other. And she even looked at him and said "YES." I, who was sitting between them, was in complete shock. After a minute, I ask her in her ear, "How long ago?" to which she turns around and says, "It's probably been a year." That's about the kind of dialogue we had.

—how long ago?"

"it's been a year, probably...

— WHAT?!?

— I was just afraid of your reaction, I thought you would judge me.

"Really?" And how did it happen?

— well, remember, I told you that I was walking with a girl and her friends, so that's when they made me try again, and I already liked it. And that's about the moment I started....

"I don't believe you."

I snatched a smoking bag out of someone's hands and forced her to do it in front of me, she sighed a couple of times without hesitation and looked at me like an innocent kitten.

After that, I abruptly stopped wanting to play fucking jenga, tears welled up in my eyes, I silently got up and left. At first, I sat down against one of the walls where the other guys were lying, but then when I couldn't hold back the tears, I went out. It wasn't the fact that she smokes that upset me, but the fact that she can easily tell the most stupid guy about it, but you have to hide it from me. Later, I sat down with Vika and asked if she knew. She said yes. Because of the loud music, we couldn't talk and decided to continue the conversation in correspondence.:

I-WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS EXCEPT ME?

Vika, for fuck's sake.. Are you upset about this?

— of course, she's been hiding it from me for a year, and she hasn't said since October that you've been drinking. Even after that birthday. I don't understand why. Is that why I refused to be friends with you?

— in my opinion, communication is based on trust, but this, it turns out, is not.... I don't think you're capable of that, you won't give up on friends if they drink or smoke.

Then there was a long correspondence where I told her that I considered Sarah my best friend and trusted her with everything, and I thought that she trusted me, but I was so wrong, and Vika comforted me and said that her opinion was formed even when she was forbidden to tell me about it, and that I I have to decide if I need that kind of friendship, superficially friendship.

I couldn't get over it for a very long time, even though it was graduation and I wanted to have fun. Later, I finally came to my senses, had a few drinks, and started running around with the other guys. I tried to ignore Sarah that night. After graduation, I wanted to talk to her, but somehow I didn't dare. I knew that I couldn't just keep talking because she had hurt me too much. I stopped myself several times from writing her some bullshit as usual, or a meaningless video, or news about the World Cup. Then she asked me why I had been ignoring her for the second day, I just said that we needed to talk. She just replied, "It is necessary." I'm going to meet her somewhere today and discuss everything.

It really hurt me to find out that my only friend had been hiding something important for a year, but she calmly told a random person everything. I'm hurt that she's moving away from me, and I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but she wants to out of a sense of duty and because she doesn't want to offend me. Maybe I should stop being friends after this, but I can't just erase five years of my life and all the memories with my best friend. As I said before, she's the only person I can trust. And she's basically my only friend. Besides, we have 2 more years of high school together. It might be more difficult because I, Sarah, Anna, and the guy they were hanging out with will be in the same class.

That seems to be it.. There are still some points that I omitted in order not to make the story too long, but it still turned out to be very long. Can you tell me how I feel about this situation, just forget about everything or continue to be friends as if nothing had happened? Am I stupid because I was offended by my friend because of this?

I have a best friend, I'll call her Sarah. We've been friends for quite a long time, almost 5 years, and I've always considered her my closest person. She's the only one I've been able to trust with everything I know. I told her all the secrets, the news, and even every little thing that happened in my life. Alas, I am the kind of person who, if he gets close to someone, wants to tell him all the details of his life. But Sarah is a little different. She was never very sociable and hyperactive like me, but she still told me a lot of things that were happening in her life. By the way, we're classmates, so we see each other every day at school.

I started to ruin everything at the beginning of this school year, when a new "Vika" came to our class. She was modest, but, as it turned out, only with strangers. Later, all the girls in the class and I became stronger friends. We began to communicate well and become friends. We have formed a narrower group of 5 people: Me, Sarah, Vika, Anna and Lisa. We had a good time together, we had fun. This school year was definitely the best of my life, thanks to my friends. For some reason, our whole class has become more cohesive in the last year of study together, but perhaps this is for the best. So.. After the new year, I noticed how Sarah began to get closer to Anna. Anna told Vika and Sarah her secrets and the like. She hid a lot from me and asked the girls not to tell me anything, I was hurt, but I later came to terms with it. The point is that Anna became another of Sarah's "best" friends, but I was still more important to her. But one day in May, when I was walking after classes at my music school, I saw Anna and Sarah walking, it was not surprising, because they often walked together, and in general they were going to go downtown together today to buy something. I was a little surprised why Sarah didn't ask me to go with her, but okay. But what really hurt me was that our FRIEND was walking with them. The dude is not from our class at all, we just saw each other sometimes for a physics consultation before the exam. As it turned out, the three of them were walking. Sarah didn't even think to call me because, as always, I can't. Agree, when your friends don't invite you for a walk because of the reason "we thought you'd be busy as always" it's a bit unpleasant.. As it turned out later, these three also have a closed group without me, Vicky and Lisa. I know it may sound silly, like I'm a jealous friend who doesn't allow her to go out with others, but I'm not like that. Sarah has a few friends she goes out with a lot, but I don't care. I'm just telling you my feelings and what scares me, that I started losing Sarah..

And now to the main point in this story. Neither Sarah nor I smoke, I would never even allow myself to try. Sarah tried it once, but she didn't like it, so I was sure she wouldn't smoke. But I've never interfered with other people's desires. Our friends Anna and Vika smoke, but I never made any comments to them, I never stopped communicating with him because of and the like. I'm comfortable with the fact that my friends smoke, I understand that it doesn't concern me and I don't care. The situation with alcohol is a bit different. One day we were at our mutual friend's birthday party, and all her friends and guests were drinking there, except for us. I didn't want to get fat, but I drank a little of what was poured for me. Sarah, in principle, did not drink that evening and did not want to. Since we had never drunk before, I thought it was normal, especially in the circle of those people. After that, Sarah took pictures of me with a bottle, and then she said at every opportunity that she had dirt on me and the like, that I was drinking and in general it was very bad. I knew it was a joke, and I wasn't offended by it. I'm basically not the kind of person who likes to be offended. Since childhood, I've been told that resentment won't solve anything and that it's stupid to be offended.

The first of July was our graduation. This is the day when we all wanted to have a blast. We all wanted to hang out and have fun. But that day I learned something... Back at the restaurant, when Sarah, Vika, and I went to the bathroom for a drink, I joked a little about Sarah, as usual, that she had never drunk and was sitting like a toddler who really wanted to try. And then I was told the truth that at a sleepover in October at Sarah's house, where Vika and Anna were, they drank 4 bottles. More than six months have passed since that, but they agreed not to tell me anything. Vika didn't understand why, but she didn't say it anyway. As Sarah explained, "it's because I was afraid of your reaction, that you'd judge me and all that," but even after that incident at the birthday party, she didn't want to tell. I was just shocked by what I heard, but somehow I got over it. By the way, I prepared gifts for Sarah and me on graduation day, because we had been friends all through high school, but as it turned out, she and Anna sat in another place, and Vika and I were left alone a few seats away from them. When we arrived at the sauna complex after the restaurant, where we rented a couple of houses for children and parents, the guys and I decided to play jenga. One guy who infuriated the whole class, and especially infuriated Sarah, asked her if she smoked because our friends were just passing emails to each other. And she even looked at him and said "YES." I, who was sitting between them, was in complete shock. After a minute, I ask her in her ear, "How long ago?" to which she turns around and says, "It's probably been a year." That's about the kind of dialogue we had.

—how long ago?"

"it's been a year, probably...

— WHAT?!?

— I was just afraid of your reaction, I thought you would judge me.

"Really?" And how did it happen?

— well, remember, I told you that I was walking with a girl and her friends, so that's when they made me try again, and I already liked it. And that's about the moment I started....

"I don't believe you."

I snatched a smoking bag out of someone's hands and forced her to do it in front of me, she sighed a couple of times without hesitation and looked at me like an innocent kitten.

After that, I abruptly stopped wanting to play fucking jenga, tears welled up in my eyes, I silently got up and left. At first, I sat down against one of the walls where the other guys were lying, but then when I couldn't hold back the tears, I went out. It wasn't the fact that she smokes that upset me, but the fact that she can easily tell the most stupid guy about it, but you have to hide it from me. Later, I sat down with Vika and asked if she knew. She said yes. Because of the loud music, we couldn't talk and decided to continue the conversation in correspondence.:

I-WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS EXCEPT ME?

Vika, for fuck's sake.. Are you upset about this?

— of course, she's been hiding it from me for a year, and she hasn't said since October that you've been drinking. Even after that birthday. I don't understand why. Is that why I refused to be friends with you?

— in my opinion, communication is based on trust, but this, it turns out, is not.... I don't think you're capable of that, you won't give up on friends if they drink or smoke.

Then there was a long correspondence where I told her that I considered Sarah my best friend and trusted her with everything, and I thought that she trusted me, but I was so wrong, and Vika comforted me and said that her opinion was formed even when she was forbidden to tell me about it, and that I I have to decide if I need that kind of friendship, superficially friendship.

I couldn't get over it for a very long time, even though it was graduation and I wanted to have fun. Later, I finally came to my senses, had a few drinks, and started running around with the other guys. I tried to ignore Sarah that night. After graduation, I wanted to talk to her, but somehow I didn't dare. I knew that I couldn't just keep talking because she had hurt me too much. I stopped myself several times from writing her some bullshit as usual, or a meaningless video, or news about the World Cup. Then she asked me why I had been ignoring her for the second day, I just said that we needed to talk. She just replied, "It is necessary." I'm going to meet her somewhere today and discuss everything.

It really hurt me to find out that my only friend had been hiding something important for a year, but she calmly told a random person everything. I'm hurt that she's moving away from me, and I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but she wants to out of a sense of duty and because she doesn't want to offend me. Maybe I should stop being friends after this, but I can't just erase five years of my life and all the memories with my best friend. As I said before, she's the only person I can trust. And she's basically my only friend. Besides, we have 2 more years of high school together. It might be more difficult because I, Sarah, Anna, and the guy they were hanging out with will be in the same class.

That seems to be it.. There are still some points that I omitted in order not to make the story too long, but it still turned out to be very long. Can you tell me how I feel about this situation, just forget about everything or continue to be friends as if nothing had happened? Am I stupid because I was offended by my friend because of this?