For some clarification I have struggled immensely all my life with anxiety and I've been prescribed various medications that would try to help but unfortunately it never did.

I was at first prescribed buspar when I was about 14 and it made me feel like waves of electricity were flowing constantly through my body,it sucked.

Then I told my doctor at the time what I felt and he decided I should be on valium 2mg going forward and it helped out quite a bit,I took it daily for about 8 years,no problems no desire to take more but only when I feel like it wasn't working and got permission to take another.

Until one day my primary care decided to cut me off because I was asking for it early and I was "too young" for it,I was 22 at the time.

Couldn't have been at a worse time as the same month that happened my mom's fiance suddenly passed away and seeing her so broken was heartwrenching.

This lead to years of getting xanax from friends of my mom because I felt like that was the only thing that made me feel better,concurrently I was taking 20mg of Lexapro but after awhile it wasn't as effective when I was first taking it as I felt like I had more appreciation for things and things weren't so black and white.

Around 2025 last year I was seeking out a psychiatrist to see if they can help me with something for anxiety as I wasn't getting anything out of Lexapro anymore so they put me on Prozac which gave me alot of energy but I was always irritated at everything so they took me off it and put me on Zoloft and Gabapentin which was much better.

She was against prescribing benzos which was understandable but really it was her lack of honesty that killed the connection as she never mentioned she was going on maternity leave about 11 months into my tenure with her and I was put together with one of her med students and then another doctor from this service that I didn't care for all that much.

Now the good part.

So the beginning of the year I had to yet again find another psych which I did and he's been great,I did the first few appointments with him via telehealth for about 3 months and then in person at his office which I prefer that for things like this,mental health I take VERY seriously.

I then told him last Friday that when things get insufferable with my anxiety I take a half a mg of Xanax that my mom is prescribed as it makes me think clearly,I explained how it's a "break glass in case of emergency" type med.

He said that he would prescribe me ten .5 mg xanax for those scenarios and I was pleasantly surprised that he would do that.

After 10 years of being reluctant on talking to any doctor about my history with xanax someone understood me finally and my trust with doctors was rekindled.

I Always worried about being labeled an addict or a knuckle dragger if I mentioned anything benzo related but I knew deep down I had to be honest if I ever wanted to get better with managing anxiety.

Honesty is most certainly the best policy when it comes to your own health,dont be afraid to talk about what makes you afraid.