I want her back!!!!
Recently, I got dumped by my gf and have been on this Reddit since then. The breakup was because she thinks that there are compatibility issues and it will not work in the future. But I was willing to change (in fact, I changed a lot to maintain the relationship). She was not willing to change and said "I won't change for anyone, if you want to stay then fine, or else you can leave". At that moment, I was very frustrated, and I told her that I didn't want to stay either. However, the next day I realised my mistake and went to apologise for it. By that time, she had already made up her mind that she couldn't get back together. And told that we can be friends, which I denied. She came for a hug, but I pushed her away and left in anger!
It has been 3 months now, with 1 month of no contact at the start. But before going into NC, I begged a lot to give me one chance and to meet me once. After 1 month of NC I decided to text her to meet again, she denied and that day we talked on call for around 2 hours. Where I apologised and took full accountability for my mistakes, but she didn't care about it. She kept screaming at me, saying "I don't want to ever see you again", "I have tolerated too much disrespect", "I don't even want your gaze on me". That broke me even more. And this was the day before our common friend's birthday party, where we both were invited. When I reached she was already there, and she acted like I never existed in her life. She showed that nothing had happened. She was laughing, talking to everyone, and I was just sitting in the corner holding my tears. But I couldn't hold it for long and went to the washroom and cried. And when I came back, she had already left. 2 days later again I saw her in a party, where I didn't expect her to come. Again, she kept ignoring me and even my friends. I saw one guy coming close to her, and I was about to go near her, but my friend stopped me and he went instead. She told him, "Please ask him(me) to stop looking at me, he looks creepy". That thing has been bothering me ever since. Later, after 10 days, I texted her saying that I have accepted the fact that we are not together, but there's a lot of misunderstanding, and I want to end it on a good note. Suggested her to meet for one last time. But got left on seen. And now it's been almost a month after that text. I am not able to cope with it as it was my first ever relationship. Every day, when I wake up, the first thought that comes to my mind is of her.
She is the kind of person who would never change her decision, even if she wants to. She is very stubborn. Whatever I do, I can't change her mind. And, I thought of texting again, but I know the outcome would be same, so I'm holding myself. I still think that the issues could be solved if we communicate properly. However, deep down I know she wouldn't ever come back to me. I don't know how to deal with it. I was very nice to her during our relationship and treated her very well, but sometimes I let my ego take over my emotions and acted rudely. I'm just scared that she doesn't end up with a weirdo cuz she has been in the past.