u/Soynas

I used to be a genuine girls' girl. Ride or die for any woman I love. Then Sonia happened, and sis really said, “Let me show you dust, hujaishi ONYE”

Here’s the unhinged part, though. I didn’t find out from her. I found out from a DREAM first, and then my ex confirmed it(which, to be honest it came out as an oops when I asked him something). Let that sink in. A man was more honest with me than my best friend.

No apology. No accountability. Not even a “babes, I’m so sorry.” Nothing. Radio silence with a side of audacity. What aggravated me was the fact that she wanted to act as the victim and wouldn't give me the truth. Just asking me what boyfriend tells the truth to the babe…Nishike, I almost slapped her to h***!!Wdym, Sis..

I could maybe heal from the betrayal. People are messy, situations are complicated, and I understand nuances. But the zero remorse? That’s what closed that chapter permanently for us. Why I will always feel like she is Hades in any relationship I am in, and then why? Men are plenty, sis, & if anything, friendships are forever. Sometimes men come and Gooo!!!

Then I’m minding my business, recently, and (Ken the Man’s -Popular )plays after a playlist shuffle, and something in my brain just went click. Yep. That’s exactly it. Not a girl's girl. Confirmed.

To be clear, I still have deep respect for women. This is not a women are snakes post. This is specifically some babes are birds. Very important distinction.

The EX-boyfriend hurt me. The best friend broke me. And somehow I had to find out through a dream(Let's clap for big man up there 👏). The accuracy of that is almost comedic. Always trust your intuition. Hopefully, this is the last time I get triggered. Dealing with my Ptsd better .

Anyway. I’m in therapy. I’m relearning healing. I’m just not extending blind loyalty anymore, and I’ve made peace with that.

Sonia, wherever you are, thunder strike you, my love. 💀!May whatever you caused me find you as well, as much as I am learning to forgive!

Anyways, on to Better and more abundance!Kunyweni chai Leo on my behalf 🍵!

To all revert sisters struggling with marriage, still finding their feet, and facing racism within the ummah , take heart 💜!

Please note: this is my personal experience and reflection. Every journey looks different and this is not a one size fits all just one sister sharing honestly.

Salaam everyone,I’ve been researching Islam for a while now, and somewhere along the way I hit a wall I wasn’t expecting. Reading about the experiences of Black revert sisters shook me the isolation, men hiding behind religion, the marriage crisis nobody talks about openly, and the racism within the very spaces that were supposed to feel like home. I went in thinking everything would be rainbow and sunshine and came out genuinely hurt. I’m scared to admit I want marriage because wanting something you can’t easily access is its own kind of vulnerability. I’m scared of religious manipulation honestly nothing frightens me more than a man weaponising faith. At this point I’ve half-jokingly told myself to just adopt a child and call it even. And honestly? I don’t even know if I’ll end up being Muslim.

But here’s what I keep coming back to: the nature of men and the nature of God are two very different things. What people do with religion and what the deen actually is are not the same thing. To the sisters still finding their footing in the deen you belong here too. The journey is not linear and you don’t have to have everything figured out to be valid in your faith. And to those who have faced rejection because of racism within the ummah I see you. That wound cuts especially deep because it comes from a place that was supposed to be your sanctuary, a community built on the principle that no Arab has superiority over a non-Arab, no white over a Black. Your blackness is not a barrier to your faith. It never was. The racism you have experienced is a failure of people, not a reflection of the deen.

We are all still learning, still holding the hurt and the beauty at the same time. I’m choosing to fall back in love with the deen itself and filter out the noise or at least trying to figure out if this path is mine. You are not too much. You are not too dark. You are not too anything. Still here. Still learning.

Wa Alaikum Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh
💜

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