u/Spaceycrochet533

I have a tendency for really self destructive behaviors when I don’t have control over my life and after switching to this school it’s gotten so much worse and I feel like shit all the time. I can’t get my English grade up no matter how hard I try, I picked up vaping again, I’ve been considering self harm again, drinking, and now I just feel like I can’t stop. It gets me approval from a few of my peers, one in particular. She never pressured me but it was always offered for me to smoke with her and last weekend we hung out and we smoked and talked and it was really really nice. That one on one time with my friend but idk I just feel like in order to get that I have to feed my self destructive behaviors and I just want to get better. I want to feel loved and be better but I don’t think I can get both.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad. But I’m scared sometimes, he doesn’t get violent at all but sometimes when he drinks he yells and says hurtful stuff and grabs the back of my neck and shakes me around, idk what the point of this post is ig I just wanted to say it to someone? He left for the bar 3 hours ago and I’m kinda scared for when he comes home. Ty to everyone who reads this :3