u/Spare-Policy-7728

been seeing a guy for 2 months. have known each other a decade as coworkers. started off with dates and now that we’ve slept together, we mostly just hangout at my house. he does help with me things around the house and drives me around to run errands but since sleeping together, things have shifted. hes still affectionate and talks to me regularly but at the same time, he hasn’t told anyone about me, not a single person, and makes a point of not going places where certain people will see us (we are coworkers). while I agree that we shouldn’t tell anyone at work just yet, the fact that he’s keeping me completely a secret is making me feel a way. We’re also not exclusive or in any sort of commitment yet. I did sort of bring it up a couple weeks ago but he said it’s a conversation for later.

I’m started to feel like I’m just convenient for him. He can come over, have sex, have food made for him and laugh without making it a thing. I have a deep fear that I’m on the back burner until he finds someone he’s serious about. But that’s likely just some unprocessed insecurity from my last 7 year relationship. aside from actually having a conversation with him, what is your advice for me? Thanks. probably too old to be this lost and possibly dumb but here I am

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 8 weeks. I’ve known him for years, we’re coworkers (yes) and our current situation is a secret. We see eachother weekly, sometimes twice a week. We slept together after week 4 or 5. We go on dates and sometimes he comes over and helps me with projects around the house. He’s very affectionate physically and verbally, in person and through text.

He’s off work this week but I kind of had a tantrum yesterday and accused him of having a serious girlfriend because of something that a coworker said unprompted and without knowing our situation. Turns out it was a complete misunderstanding. I acknowledged my overreaction and need for reassurance too many times for where this situation is at. He was calm and understanding but he has been super robotic since. Short, direct responses, no call when he said he would, no affectionate talk.

Does this sound like he’s taking a breather or second guessing me? Of course no one here can know but is this something you do or have done after a discussion or argument? I’ll also note that we’re not “official”. He’s seemingly still in the phase where he needs to get to know me more in this way, before committing. I’m 35F and he’s 30.

I don’t know if I’m in my head too much about this but my mind keeps going back to the thought that a guy I’m seeing has a serious girlfriend// doesn’t live with his family as he says. I made a post last week about how he’s from a different culture than me with a very close-knit, involved family and one of the comments questioned what I’ve lightly questioned internally.

Hes very secretive about our time together, hasn’t told anyone about us. We have only been seeing each other for 8 weeks or so so keeping it on the low is ok-ish, but I’m beginning to wonder if there’s more to it than just early-stage privacy.

have any of you dealt with anything like this? Please share.

Especially if their family is/was very traditional. I’m about 6 weeks into dating someone from a different culture (Mexican living in Canada for about 16 years). I am the first person he has dated who is not Latina. He and his family are fairly traditional, it seems, and from what I gather, his mother would not be thrilled about him dating me. he hasn’t explicitly said that but I’ve put it together.

He lives at home still, with a big family (I think he will until he marries), and had to make up a lie to stay at my house overnight. He tells her that he’s going to work when we go on dates. etc etc etc. please share your experiences and insights. We’re still getting to know each other so it’s possible nothing will come of this, but I’m trying not to get ahead of myself by cutting it off now because of the cultural concerns.

I’m 37f, he’s 30m. 4 long (6-8 hours) dates. No sex, just hours of making out each date. Have known each other for a decade. Been flirting on and off for years. Great chemistry. Finally decided to be mutually transparent about our feelings about a month and a half ago and have been on one date a week for the past 4 weeks. Very happy dates.

Since the beginning he has told me not to get attached, but then texts me all day, everyday, sets up dates, had flowers delivered to my house, tells me he misses me, shows me he likes me, etc. But even date 4, he reiterated that I shouldn’t get too attached.

The next day, I told him it bothered me and that we shouldn’t see each other anymore. He argued a bit, said he cares for me and doesn’t want to stop but ultimately said he respected what I was asking for// never gave me clarity. This was yesterday. Today I’m wondering if I made the wrong choice lol. Am I blind? You’re often told to listen to actions over words but what if the words are what you don’t want to hear when the actions are exactly what you want? I’m so confused. And feeling dumb about questioning where I stand with someone.

of course everyone’s going to have a varied idea of what’s considered ‘slow burn’ and ‘fairly quickly’ but I’d love to hear your experiences. thanks

(37f, 30m) and if so, would that indicate you’re looking for short term fun? man I’m talking to has told me several times over the years that he wants kids, he knows that I have had bilateral tubal salpingectomy (tubes removed) and cannot have kids, but he’s making it very apparent that he likes and wants me physically and emotionally.

The chemistry is insane but we don’t have long term compatibility for this reason. I’m just going with the flow because I’m very attracted to him so I guess that’s what he’s doing as well? coworkers who have had tension for like a decade and now mutually acknowledging it. this is gonna end horribly, isn’t it 😅

I need some advice because I’m 37F and in the last couple years have misinterpreted convenient, proximal flirting, with 3 different men, as genuine interest and keep finding myself disappointed when I escalate and my energy or effort isn’t matched. I think I keep adding weight to scenarios that are meant to be simply fun and flirty rather than genuine interest/ pursuit. How do you act in both of these situations? How can I better read a man’s intent? Thank you