u/Special-Cat-5664

can't write, can't finish a book, can't DM, and now I'm losing my dancing. I used to be so creative. I loved reading and writing but now I lost everything. I am struggling to talk because my jaw tightens. this has been building up over months. my parents do nothing, they know, I have told them, but they tease and refuse to help me get a secular therapist. I slap myself trying to build myself up so I can eventually do actual damage. I have no one, no friends, no life outside of church, I just needed to vent. I honestly want peace, just any sort of peace.

I know it sounds too optimistic. But I currently am being forced to go to one by my parents.
And I have seen a large trend recently in sermons and classes. And not to mention to “statistic” of the CoC constantly losing members especially in the US.
However bear with me while I share a pattern that the church that I have to go to is doing.

The first sign was that every sermon began to have the statistic inside it. I didn’t realize this was as big a “problem” (blessing) at the time. I thought it was just some more “go out and evangelize” nonsense.

But then our secondary pastor moved to a sister congregation (yes I had never heard that term used in CoC culture before, and I have been to many) and the elders started a series every Wednesday where everyone (excluding the youngest children) would sit in the auditorium. And listen to a different pastor every night after a short devotional. And each pastor advertised schools on evangelism and teaching how to evangelize. Every single Wednesday night this past summer, was a different preacher, teaching how to evangelize. It was so boring I basically tuned out of every sermon. I even mentally took note of every contradiction regarding their beliefs on instruments and “Only Speak when God speaks. And be silent when God is silent” rule.
That’s how absolutely ridiculous this group of sermons is.

And that wasn’t even the end of it. Right when this loathsome era of evangelizing sermons each Wednesday night ended. The kids and teens went back to their classes. And our new pastor got up to speak that Wednesday night. What appears on the projector behind him? “Evangelism.” That obviously wasn’t what it only said. But this church uses AI for their power points and images. Even making up Bible verses at one point. It was so funny.
Anyway, this is what people call an “Extinction Event” in manipulation. If you want to look it up. But anyway. Give me your best wishes while I endure another series on evangelism every Wednesday night.

Divine Providence might not be the right words. But my church always taught that Providence isn’t one massive miracle. But instead a series of signs pointing you towards something.
Okay this happened last Sunday and I go to this Church called the Church of Christ (it is not the Restorationist Church of Christ) and it is highly legalistic and exclusive, and literal with the Bible. Taught that you deserve nothing because everything is a gift from God. Fear of hell, the usual, especially since they believed they were the only true church. And for needed context my family forced me to go to this church and reinforced these beliefs at home. My mother is highly manipulative. And has emotionally abused me in the past and emotionally neglected me. So I have been doubting my own reality forever now.

But this last Sunday everything lined up too perfectly. You see I went to Sunday School and the church intern was teaching. He was also in charge of the youth group (and used to be me but I liked how he taught so I stayed a little longer) and this intern and I had actually talked recently. About my parent’s manipulation specifically. He told me I’m that conversation that I should hold onto our relationship no matter what. But the class he was about to teach directly contradicted that.

We were studying Proverbs and he had recently asked us to write a piece of paper that had our current struggles. I wrote “friends” because my only friend and I hadn’t spoken in a while because he moved to another congregation.

Well this Sunday the topic of the lesson was friends. Convenient. The teacher went onto list things that made a good friend. The list is below.

Accountability.
Quality Time.
Motivation.
Trust.
Shared Interests.

And then after asking us if we had a friend and raising our hands (which I did because I still talk to my friend at times) he asked us if our parents are our friends. And it took me a second to look at the list he made and saw that my parents had absolutely none of those things on the list when it came to me. I raised my hands either way because my younger brother was sitting next to me. But other than possibly “Quality Time” I couldn’t see them coming close to it. And even then I wouldn’t consider what they would call “Quality Time” actual quality.

Anyway. He went onto ask to talk about friendship and listed another group of things. But I only remember one. “Time to let go.” He was advocating for the idea that you can let go of a friendship and categorized parents as friends. I honestly glowed. I was smiling against my will now because I just couldn’t stop seeing the irony.

But it doesn’t stop there. He went on to show specific fictional examples of friendships where he gave us options on how we would interact with these problems in friendship. And said that letting go of said friendship wasn’t wrong. No one chose to let go. They would set boundaries or fight for the friendship. But not let go. I didn’t say a word because I was too busy smiling.

But then Sunday School ended and we went to the pews. I sat near my parents as always because I had nowhere else to sit. But then when the sermon started it was about parenting. And not just any kind of parenting. Indoctrination. Or rather “raising eternal souls” or something like that. Bringing them up to be Christians.

I had decided already this was all too convenient. I wondered if this was a last message to my parents to change. But no, it didn’t demand them to change. But the timing for me couldn’t have been better.

Whether this was what philosophers call synchronicity or whether it was Divine Providence. Or whether the Intern had changed his mind. Or if it was pure coincidence. It did it for me. I won’t stay in this toxic relationship with my faith and parents. I don’t know what is in my future. But I know that I am not being out down by the Divine for leaving this relationship.

But I am genuinely wondering if you had your own stories similar. Or if you think I am being dramatic and drawing lines where there are none. But I would love to hear your thoughts.