u/Special_Lie5530

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Femme here looking for advice. My gf has some baggage around sex from a previous unhealthy relationship, so we're taking things slowly. I'm naturally pretty sexual and affectionate, but I don't want to pressure her or make sex feel like an obligation.

One complication is that she has literally told me she is attracted to "toxicity" , arguments, tension, intense dynamic. I'm actually growing out of that kind of behavior myself and don't want to become toxic just to create sexual chemistry, but I do want to learn how to bring more intensity, teasing, tension, and passion into the relationship in a healthy way.

For femmes who've been in a similar situation: how did you build sexual chemistry and intensity while keeping it safe, consensual, and emotionally healthy? What made you feel desired without feeling pressured?

Im not asking for abstract here, like what do I actually do?

Edit: so i spoke to her about it today , at lenght. I asked her to define this "toxicity" that she's into and she said "i like to chase" and I asked if it meant things like games where I have to make her jealous and it turned out that no, she just meant being mildly bratty. I asked if she meant actual toxicity and made sure she knows that i am not like that and she reassured me she only meant light stuff, like teasing and being mischievous with each other. Thank you for the input. I didnt answer the comments but I read them and they helped me open up to her about it so thank you again

Hey everyone!

tldr: I'm having a hard time learning to trust someone who really broke my trust.

So my ex broke up with me during a mental health crisis and I've done my best to not take things personally because as a person who struggles with my own mental issues, I can empathise. I've decided to give her a chance. We arent back together because it'd be too quick and too much happened. I've forgiven her but I'm having a hard time forgetting it. I realize that her actions caused me to lose trust not just in her but in many people and I don't like the person I'm becoming because everyone deserves a fair chance. I already stuggle with image issues. I often feel not femme enough, like I'd never match straight women. And this has just been a struggle because I genuinely want to rebuild the trust with her. She's been doing her best too but I dont want this to turn into me always needing reassurance.

Any advice?

I’m only assuming here and not trying to accuse anyone of anything. I’ve just been noticing this kind of talk on social media and from a couple of friends, and it’s been making me a bit anxious, so I wanted to ask about it. Sometimes I see people say they’re “attracted to toxicity,” and I’m trying to understand what that actually means in real life. I’m femme, I tend to be attracted to masc women, and I’m also a pretty calm and shy. I like gaming, I love my cats, I write a lot, and I’m generally honest and straightforward. I’m also possibly neurodivergent (still figuring that out with my doctor). What’s been bothering me is hearing some masc friends say they’re into “toxic femmes” or chaotic energy, and it’s made me overthink a bit. I’m not perfect or anything, but I don’t really relate to that kind of intensity or chaos, and I guess it’s made me worry that I might not be “enough” or interesting in comparison. When I’ve asked people about it, I’ve gotten mixed answers, but instead of reassuring me, it’s mostly just made me feel more confused and insecure. I’d really appreciate some perspective on this. Does “being into toxicity” mean something specific? Is it more of an online exaggeration? Or am I just misunderstanding how people actually experience attraction? Any insight or reassurance would be really appreciated.

Hey girls! So im a 30 year old alt femme. I mostly wear black, jeans and leather jackets and all that. For months now Ive been struggling with feeling completely invisible to the people I actually want to attract (women) but annoyingly visible to men (thank you internet for fetishising goth women). Is there anything I should be doing differently? I'd love to wear a pin or something but I do live in a homophobic country so I dont want to get in trouble so are there any otherways to signal that I am a lesbian while being subtle? Like i dont know, many rings or something?

Hey everyone! So im currently in the planning stages to come study nursing in spain. Im hoping it'll be a place like Valencia. Anyone knows how much itll cost and if wanting to learn spanish in one year (with a lot of hard work) is enough? Thank you