How’s this even possible? This guy started the game with a king walk and took 10 seconds for each move until he was down to 4.7. Post that all of his moves were coming so quickly that their timer wasn’t moving at all, that’s when I started recording.
This is going to be a bit long but please bear with me because I’m losing my sanity over this. I will try to keep it readable by breaking it down into paragraphs but please do read this as I’m literally losing my mind over this fight.
*Important background*
My gf loves receiving flowers and I never gave her flowers during the first part of our relationship. She tried dropping a few hints, but I still didn’t get it and never did it for her. Eventually, she just straight up told me to do it because she likes it. After that, I started occasionally giving her flowers (again, not as often as she would like because I kind of assumed a few times in an year on special occasions would be good) This is her source of resentment. I asked her before posting this because I didn’t wanna skip this part.
Now coming to the main story -
I was sick 2 days ago, and went to her place for some support. She helped me quite a lot, cooked some eggs for me, massaged my hands and legs as I had severe body ache.
We ended up having a small argument about something (not related to this story) but then I took painkillers, went home and slept.
I woke up very late the next day (2:30 PM) because I still had severe throat pain, did an online consultation with a doctor, had food, took some meds. Then I thought “She really took care of me yesterday, and we ended the day on a bad note too, I’ll send her flowers as a thank you because she likes flowers”, and so, I ordered flowers for her.
Before they could get delivered, I got to know that she fell sick too, so I immediately rushed to her place to take care of her. After a while she felt okay, and so since I was feeling sick too, I took a nap and she slept too.
While we were sleeping, the delivery came, she woke me up and asked me if I ordered something, but I was so high on sleep I couldn’t even tell what she was asking. So she got up, went out, and by then I realised that it’s the flowers and I got excited because she didn’t know I’d ordered it for her. She pointed to the order and asked me “Is this ours” and I said “Yes”.
She came inside the room, and for some reason didn’t say anything which I found weird but okay, and I was so sleepy that I went back to sleep again without saying anything.
Before I was about to leave, i told her “Btw, the flowers were a thank you gesture for the way you took care of me yesterday”, and she got angry.
Her reasoning was that given our history with flowers, the least I could’ve done is “Get up, take the order, and give it to her with my own hands, and not just place an order as a display of the fact that I have expendable income”,
which felt harsh. Because according to me, thinking of giving her flowers within 2 hours of waking up as a sick guy, _is_ effort I thought.
We ended up having a huge argument over this where I felt like i just wanted her to take the order so she can feel the surprise, and she thought the right way to do it is to give it to her with my own hands.
I said “If you weren’t sick, I wouldn’t have come and you would’ve received the flowers directly anyway” to which she said “Yeah but you are here now, and you could have done that”.
Reddit please help me out, am I really the asshole here??
My girlfriend was impacted by layoffs around 8 months ago. She just got a job, and a week ago was her first day.
Now to set some context,I’m not an un-caring guy who never talks about things. I helped her through the job search process, I helped her find a cheaper place to live in until she got a job, i paid her rent for 6 months and paid for literally everything we did together these 8 months so that she doesn’t have a financial burden.
I was actively involved with her during the interview process, all the anxious ups and downs where she felt like she might get rejected.
After all of this she started her new job last week, I just funnily teased her about being a backend developer at a major bank (she got a job at a bank). After her first day, she sent me pictures of the cafeteria mentioning how big it is and how nice the workplace is to which I responded with happiness.
The only thing I asked her was “Can you ask your company if they can have visitors, I’d love to visit your office once!” To which she said “yeah I’ll see”.
I never asked any more details. She shared a few things about her team and work herself to which i nodded.
However she snapped yesterday, asking me stuff like “Why wouldn’t you ask anything about my new job? How my work is? How my manager is? How my team is?” And got extremely upset and it turned into a huge fight.
I’m confused, I do see how it can make someone feel like I don’t care, but also, these minor questions don’t come naturally to me and I’m not sure why. Is something wrong with me? I love her and care about her, but for some reason these questions do not come to me naturally.
Yesterday, I developed viral fever and extreme body pain, so I went to her place for some comfort and help with home cooked food. She made eggs for me, massaged my hands and legs because I had body pain, I took a few meds and it felt a little better after a while and then I went home.
The next day, I took a sick leave and slept till 2:30 because I still had a terrible headache and mild body pain and an irritating throat pain. I woke up, had food, took an online consultation, got antibiotics and had them. During this time my girlfriend called me to check up on me twice when I was asleep, asking “how’s the fever” and stuff, but since i was in sleep, all i told her was “it’s better, but there’s still a lot of discomfort so I’m still sleeping”.
At around 3, I thought she did a lot for me yesterday, so I ordered flowers to her place as a gesture of thank you. Once i ordered it for her, I just wanted to make sure she receives them because she lives with roommates so I texted her and this is how the conversation went.
Me - “Hey, I’ve ordered something at your place and it’s going to be there at 4:30”
She - “and who’s gonna take the order? Are you at my home?”
Me - oh damn, sorry. I completely forgot that you might have went to work. It’s ok, I’ll just ask him to leave it at the door.
She - It’s ok. I’m at home. I didn’t go. I got fever too.
Me - Oh, why didn’t you tell me? (I asked because at this point I understood that she intentionally didn’t tell me)
She - When? If you had asked, I would’ve told you. It’s not like you asked about my day, what I’m doing, what are my plans for today. Now that there’s a situation where I have to tell you, I’m telling you that I’m home.
Me - I didn’t ask you because my day started at 2:30.
She - hmm
It just, makes me feel sad. Is it really important to ask about her day when I’m sick? Am I really not being caring here? How would I know she would get sick? I mean I get it, she was exposed most likely because of me, but if I was in her position, if I got sick I would just tell her myself and not expect her to ask me. What’s wrong here?
So…here’s the deal. My girlfriend snaps very quickly when something doesn’t go her way accurately and I’m not sure how to explain that without an example so I’ll use a recent example to express this.
She has tooth extraction surgery for a front tooth which is slightly more complicated apparently than a regular extraction.
Before the surgery, she was extremely worried and asked me “What will I eat after surgery?” and I told her “Probably curd rice is a good option” and she said “yeah but what else?” at which point in the middle of work - I just did a simple google search asking “What can you eat after a tooth extraction surgery” and this is how the rest of the conversation went.
Me - Seems like you can eat curd rice, mashed fruits etc etc and just basically read her options that google told me.
She - So you’ll just tell me whatever google tells you?
Me - What else am I supposed to do?
She - It wouldn’t know the details of my case
Me - I explicitly searched for “tooth extraction surgery”
She - Do you know that my case is slightly different and it’s not a regular case of a tooth extraction?
Me - Oh I didn’t know that (apparently she had told me before and I didn’t recall - this is a regular problem in our relationship. I tend to forget a lot of things and that leads to small arguments)
Her - I’ve told you before
Me - Sorry I just assumed it wouldn’t matter as to what you can and cannot eat since it is a tooth extraction at the end of the day
This is where she snapped.
Her - NO. You just did not THINK before suggesting something.
This made me heart sink and I told her angrily “No, I just did not realise that it would make a difference in what you can eat post surgery, so I THOUGHT, you just didn’t get it” in a slightly raised voice.
And this pattern repeats in all parts of our lives. Even though I’m actually just trying to help her, I make a small slip or a small lapse in judgement and suddenly it’s “You just did not think, you just don’t care” and I feel like I have to be flawless and perfect when trying to do something for her or the effort goes to waste.
Part of it comes from the fact that I am actually quite clumsy in day to day things. Forgetting my keys, getting distracted during a conversation, not understanding something she said because I started thinking something else (before you guys suggest it - I’d just like to mention that I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and am going to start treatment).